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From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
60 year-old Chuck Norris is leaving the show "Walker, Texas Ranger." Norris is reportedly angry because CBS wanted to change the name of the show to "Texas Ranger with a Walker."
- 1.24.01

A lot of stars at the Golden Globe Awards. Tom Hanks was there. Julia Roberts was there. Liz Taylor - almost there....
- 1.25.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Justin Timerlake of N'Sync announced that he is interested in doing some solo work. Timberlake said because his girlfriend Britney Spears won't sleep with him, he's been doing a lot of solo work....
- 1.29.01

According to "Allure" magazine, Jennifer Lopez is now the highest paid Hispanic woman in film history, getting $9 million for her role in the movie, "The Wedding Planner." And that's just up front, on top of that she has a huge back end....
- 1.29.01

Madonna, who was nominated for a Grammy, told "Elle" magazine she is a big fan of Britney Spears. But, she can't really compare herself to Britney Spears because she says it's like comparing apples and oranges. There's always the question of whether those are real apples or fake apples....
- 2.01.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Michael Jackson announced that he will record 2 to 3 songs with his brothers in an upcoming album. When asked about it, Michael said he was doing it to show that black people and white people can get together....
- 2.01.01

Regis Philbin announced he's found a replacement for Kathie Lee, although Frank Gifford says he's still looking.
- 2.07.01

A spokesman for Puff Daddy confirmed that he and Jennifer Lopez have broken up. He said it's going to be tough to leave her behind....
- 2.16.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new computer virus is circulating around the Internet that disguises itself as an email from Anna Kournikova. Apparently, thousands of men have opened the email just so that they can brag about catching a virus from Anna Kournikova.
- 2.15.01

Britney Spears is joining Bob Dole as a spokesperson for Pepsi. What kind of ad campaign is that? 19 year-old half-naked virgin; 80 year-old guy on Viagra....
- 2.13.01

Willie Nelson has recorded a rap version of "On the Road Again" with some rap singers. The music is described as a combination of country and rap. I guess that would be "crap" pretty much.
- 2.13.01

More and more news on why Jennifer Lopez and "Puff" Daddy called it quits. According to some reports, Jennifer and "Puff" Daddy may have broken up as much as 6 months ago but have been maintaining a façade so that "Puffy" doesn't go to jail. Why not? Worked for the Clinton's....
- 2.19.01

Everybody's jumping on this "Hannibal" bandwagon. For example, this morning on the "Martha Stewart Show," Martha showed how you can feed a party of 12 by making it a party of 11.
- 2.20.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A spokesman for Sean "Puffy" Combs confirmed that he and Jennifer Lopez have in fact, broken up. It was a tough breakup. Apparently, "Puffy" dropped Lopez like a gun out of a speeding car.
- 2.20.01

In testimony in court, Anna Nicole-Smith said she and her husband were like 2 peas in a pod. 2 peas in a pod? Have you seen a picture of them? Looks more like 2 cantaloupes and a prune....
- 2.22.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
When Christina Aguilera was being interviewed just before the Grammy's, she said, "I am accustomed to all the 'hecticity' of these events." In a related story, it turns out that Aguilera is the main speechwriter for George W. Bush.
- 2.28.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to last week's paper, O.J. Simpson recently shot a porno movie where he has sex with 2 women. If the report is true, it will be the second time O.J. has gotten off in front of the whole country.
- 3.01.01

Michael Jackson is at home recovering from a broken foot. He can't perform. You know what you call a Jackson who can't perform? LaToya....
- 3.07.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears said she would love to do a duet with Michael Jackson. Apparently, Britney feels a strong connection with Jackson because his nose and her boobs are made out of the same material.
- 3.07.01

According to a New Jersey poll, 92% of married women say they would marry the same man - Mel Gibson.
- 3.08.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was recently reported that Sean "Puffy" Combs lost 30 pounds. Apparently, "Puffy" lost the 30 pounds when he was just about to go through a metal detector.
- 3.08.01

The former cast members of the TV show "Gilligan's Island" announced plans to auction off momentous from the show and donate the proceeds to charity. I believe the name of the charity is "Former Cast Members of 'Gilligan's Island'."
- 3.14.01

I was at a great St. Patrick's Day party. The bartender was making the "Puff Daddy": 3 quick shots and you can still walk away....
- 3.20.01

More of a family feel to the Oscars this year; a lot of celebrities were there with their parents. Kate Hudson was there with her mom and dad. Ed Harris brought his father, Catherine Zeta-Jones brought her dad - wait, no, that was Michael Douglas.
- 3.27.01

Christina Aguilera has been signed to endorse Coca-Cola. Britney Spears does Pepsi. Actually, originally Coke wanted to hire Britney, but then they would have to drop the slogan, "It's the real thing."
- 4.18.01

There's now an Emimem action figure. Who's is that for? Guys who hate gays but still want to play with dolls?
- 4.20.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A judge gave Emimem two years probation for weapons charge. The judge was quoted as saying that his probation should be over about the same time as his career.
- 4.20.01

David Copperfield was pretty seriously injured and had to go to the hospital. While at the hospital, he did an amazing trick: he made the doctor and 3 of the nurses disappear. You know how he did that? Told them he was in an HMO.
- 4.24.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Michael Jackson has been dropped by his management company, which also handles the Backstreet Boys. Apparently, the management company dropped Michael Jackson because he also wanted to handle the Backstreet Boys.
- 4.24.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A snack food company has announced they're coming out with a candy named after N Sync called "N Sync Hot Heads." And, apparently, the N Sync Candy hangs out with the Britney Spears candy, but never gets inside her wrapper.
- 4.25.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The German government wants to pass a law that requires men who hire prostitutes to wear a condom. They're even doing an ad campaign that tells all German men to put a "Zeigfried" on their "Roy."
- 4.27.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Rapper Old Dirty Bastard has pled guilty to drug charges in New York City and he's going to have to go to prison. And apparently, Old Dirty Bastard's new nickname in prison will be Sweet Young Bitch.
- 5.01.01

It seems the principal of a Cincinnati school has sent a letter home to parents regarding allegations that a fifth grade class was swapping sex for soda money. Trading sex for soda. So apparently, that new Britney Spears' Pepsi ad is really working.
- 5.02.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
They're making a new "Planet of the Apes" movie and reportedly they needed to edit out a sex scene between a man and a chimp. However, the scene will appear in the upcoming film, "The Michael Jackson Story."
- 5.02.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Michael Jackson announced he wants to do a reunion concert with his brothers at Madison Square Garden. Michael said he enjoys working at Madison Square Garden almost as much as his brothers enjoy working at the Olive Garden.
- 5.03.01

Firestone is now offering free brochures on tire safety called, "Inflate, Rotate, Evaluate." Which is also the title of Britney Spears' autobiography....
- 5.09.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes" had his birthday earlier this week and turned 83. Apparently, Wallace says that 60 minutes now refers to how long it takes for him to pee.
- 5.11.01

Puff Daddy has a new interview in "Vanity Fair." Puff Daddy says he'll always love Jennifer Lopez and said if he was in a building that was on fire, he would run in to save her. Imagine Jennifer Lopez in a building in fire, talk about a rump roast.
- 5.21.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a brand new study, actors who have won Academy Awards live 4 years longer than actors who were nominated and loss. The study also reveals that Pauley Shore has 6 months to live.
- 5.21.01

Robert Blake's lawyers say they have a list of B-list celebrities that Blake's wife had panned on trying to contact. Turns out it's the exact same list "Hollywood Squares" has....
- 5.24.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
New York Yankee Derek Jeter was spotted at a restaurant making out with supermodel Tyra Banks. Unfortunately for Jeter, he got thrown out going for second....
- 6.01.01

Have you seen this commercial for Claritin, where they show Mike Piazza and they say thanks to Claritin, a major league baseball player doesn't have to worry about red eyes and runny nose anymore. The fact that it works on Mike Piazza doesn't impress me. If it works on Darryl Strawberry, that impresses me.
- 6.07.01

The rap star known as Nelly has filed a complaint with TWA airlines claiming he was treated poorly on a flight because he's black. He said the flight was uncomfortable, the flight attendants were rude, and there weren't enough pillows. That's not discrimination - that's called coach.
- 6.15.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the New York Post, Britney Spears has been suffering from a bad case of acne lately and her face is all broken out. Luckily for Britney, no one's looked at her face in over 4 years.
- 6.15.01

It doesn't look like "Basic Instinct 2" isn't going to happen. But Sharon Stone is hopeful - she's keeping her legs crossed....
- 6.29.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, John Travolta says he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career.
- 6.29.01

Doctors say heat is hardest on kids and old people. This has got to be an especially hard day for Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
- 7.09.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a recent interview, Jennifer Aniston didn't sleep with Brad Pitt the first nine months they dated. When asked about it, Aniston said she wanted to, but the line was too long.
- 7.09.01

Ike Turner trying to turn his life around; he told "Entertainment Weekly" that he is a member of his Neighborhood Watch program. Actually, he's not really a member, he's the one everybody is watching....
- 7.12.01

Former Australian Outback "Survivor" Jeri posed nude in the September issue of "Playboy." She said about posing nude that it's a risk, but risks are what actresses take. Taking your clothes off does not make you an actress, taking your clothes off and having sex with a producer, then, then you're an actress.
- 7.30.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Jermaine Jackson that he won't be showing up for the upcoming Jackson 5 reunion because he thinks his brother Michael is charging too much for tickets. After hearing about it, Michael Jackson said to keep peace in the family, he would buy Jermaine a ticket.
- 7.30.01

Happy birthday to Mick Jaeggar - 58 years-old. He's at that awkward age in between being a Stone and passing one.
- 8.01.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Rapper "Old Dirty Bastard" was sentenced to 3 years in prison for drug related charges. Afterwards, his lawyers said this was very sad - they hope this doesn't ruin the good name of "Old Dirty Bastard."
- 8.01.01

The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn Bonus:
Nicole Kidman is 34 this year. There was a huge party, and the highlight was a giant piñata filled with half of everything Tom Cruise owns.
- 8.01.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The producers of "Nightline" announced this Fall that Ted Koppel is going to do a special series on gay life in America. The producers say the best thing about doing a gay-themed series is that Ted Koppel may finally meet a good hairdresser.
- 8.03.01

Mariah Carey, who checked into the hospital for extreme exhaustion, is doing better. Today her condition was upgraded from serious to slightly self-indulgent.
- 8.07.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears says that the songs on her upcoming album will show everybody that she's not "a little girl" anymore. After hearing this, her boyfriend Justine Timberlake said, "Great. If only I could get her to show me she's not a little girl."
- 8.07.01

Mariah Carey says she believes there is an orchestrated conspiracy by a large number of people to keep her career and her record sales down. I think that's called the public.
- 8.10.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week in the southern half of the country, a fierce tropical storm forced the cancellation of several N 'Sync concerts. Scholars say this is the most conclusive evidence so far that God does exist.
- 8.15.01

MTV is 20 years old and has done so much for so many artists. Do you realize that if it wasn't for MTV, Vanilla Ice would be a total unknown than a famous has-been?
- 8.20.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Before a concert in Las Vegas recently, 80s pop star Rick Springfield fell and broke his arm. As a result, Springfield had to cancel the show and gave the money back to the fan.
- 8.20.01

In "People" magazine, Madonna said her life has been exhausting since she started her world tour. She said there isn't a second of her life that isn't taken up looking after her family or thinking of her show - her day is filled with problems of work and family. Someone should tell her, everyone else calls that, "life."
- 8.22.01

Singer Sinead O'Conner has gotten married. Remember a couple of years ago she said she was celibate, then a year later she said she was a lesbian. Either way, it doesn't sound like the guy's going to have a good honeymoon.
- 8.28.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that next month at Michael Jackson's Madison Square Garden concert, Ricky Martin is going to team up with Michael on "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough." And, they'll sing together, too.
- 8.28.01

According to the New York "Daily News," actor Hugh Grant is taking a break from acting. He said he's doing it because he wants to, "Find out what makes me happy." I think we know what makes Hugh Grant happy....
- 8.29.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Zeigfried and Roy have been chosen as grand marshal of a parade in New York at the end of the summer. Reportedly, the parade will go up 6th Avenue, up Broadway, then up Zeigfried and Roy.
- 8.29.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The city of Los Angeles is going to install portable pay toilets on their streets. City officials said they got the idea of making money off crap from Kevin Costner.
- 9.05.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The animal rights group PETA is angry at Britney Spears because she plans to perform with several wild animals during the MTV Video Music Awards. A spokesperson for PETA said it's cruel to subject wild animals to lip-synching.
- 9.07.01

People feel that Anne Heche (during Barbara Walter's interview) came across as ditzy, confused, and a bit of an airhead. Well, at least we know she's a natural blonde.
- 9.19.01

Italian tenor Luciano Pavarotti is on trial in Italy for income tax evasion. The government says he owes $26 million. Pavarotti currently on bail because he is not considered a risk to run.
- 9.20.01

Anne Heche said the night she met Ellen DeGeneres was the best night of sex she ever had. She said they made love for 17 hours. That's the difference between lesbians and men. Lesbians meet and 2 minutes later they spend 17 hours in bed. A straight guy spends 17 hours trying to get a woman in bed, it's over in 2 minutes.
- 9.20.01

Britney Spears has revealed that she and Justine Timberlake of N'Sync apparently are living together at a home in Los Angeles. But, she insists she is still a virgin. Do you believe her? Hey, her initials are B.S....
- 9.21.01

Michael Jordan said this week he is returning to the sport he loves. Let's just hope it's not baseball.
- 9.27.01

He's (Jordan) going to be playing for the Washington Wizards. Pundits and sports guys point out Jordan has not played professional basketball since 1998. But then again, neither have the Washington Wizards.
- 9.27.01

Saw the movie, "Glitter," the other night. I see why Mariah Carey was treated for severe exhaustion. I had to fight to stay awake during this thing; I couldn't imagine working on it....
- 9.28.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Over the weekend in L.A., Jennifer Lopez got married to one of her dancers in a private ceremony. Not surprisingly, when J. Lo's father walked her down the aisle, they had to walk single file.
- 10.04.01

Hugh Grant says he has dated 50 women since he broke up with Elizabeth Hurley, and he said none of them can compare with her. However, he also said if he can get #23 and #48 in bed together, that would be pretty close.
- 10.05.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Elton John said you couldn't pay him enough money to be heterosexual. On the other hand, Elton John said if you're a homosexual, his rates are quite reasonable.
- 10.05.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
At a recent news conference, Michael Jordan said he was going to make a comeback to basketball because he has "an itch that still needs to be scratched." In a related story, Dennis Rodman says he has a rash he can't get rid of….
- 10.10.01

Madonna is starring in her husband's new movie, which is being filmed in Malta. And now, the Maltese government is worried she might be targeted by terrorists. Her acting isn't that bad….
- 10.12.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Madonna says she is more interested in a movie career than being a singer. Apparently, Madonna realized she was a great actress after seeing Mariah Carey in "Glitter."
- 10.12.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new product is about to hit the market called, "The Wonder Butt," which lifts and separates the butt. After hearing about it, Richard Simmons said that's fantastic because sometimes his arms get tired.
- 10.19.01

O.J. Simpson is on trial for road rage down in Florida and now they're putting together yet another O.J. jury. They have to find 12 people who don't know who O.J. is or what his background is. I know who those people are, they're called his girlfriends.
- 10.22.01

Dave Navarro, from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, marrying Carmen Electra. He told "Jane" magazine that when he first spotted her at a restaurant, her eyes pierced his heart from 20 yards away. I don't think those were her eyes….
- 10.23.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was announced last week that Jerry Springer has been given a role in a Broadway show. In honor of Springer, Broadway's new nickname is the "Great White Trash."
- 10.23.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported last week that Jennifer Lopez is getting $12 million for her next movie. Not only that, Mariah Carey is getting $14 million for not making her next movie.
- 11.05.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This week NBC announced that David Hasselhoff will appear in an upcoming episode of "Fear Factor." On the show, Hasselhoff becomes terrified when he finds himself surrounded by women with real breasts.
- 11.07.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week Britney Spear's third album came out. Critics describe it as "the album where Britney announces she's a woman." Coincidentally, critics said the same thing about Elton John's new album.
- 11.13.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and apparently the biography lists all the men she's slept with. The book is apparently called the Manhattan Telephone Directory.
- 11.14.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Vice-president Dick Cheney said for the past 2 months he's been hiding out in one secret location after another. Cheney said he got the idea from Mariah Carey.
- 11.19.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Barry Manilow said he may be white, but in his heart, he's a black R&B singer. The strange thing is that Michael Jackson said the same thing….
- 11.20.01

Michael Jordan said he can't wait to see the Harry Potter movie. He's not a fan, he just wants to see what it's like to have the Wizards win once in awhile.
- 11.27.01

"Sex and the City" star Kim Catrell and her husband have written a book called, "The Art of the Female Orgasm." Of course, the biggest problem with the book is that men can't seem to finish it and women think it should be read repeatedly.
- 12.03.01

"Sex and the City" star Kim Catrell and her husband have written a book called, "The Art of the Female Orgasm." Of course, the problem is that bookstores don't know where to put it on the shelf. Men think it's fiction and women think it's self-help.
- 12.03.01

According to the New York Daily News. Madonna is now in negotiations to appear to appeal in the "Vagina Monologues." Talk about typecasting. With Madonna, it's more like the "Vagina Travelogues."
- 12.04.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The First Lady of Soul, Aretha Franklin, is suing the supermarket tabloid the "Star" for $50 million because they printed a story claiming Aretha abuses alcohol. After hearing about it, a spokesperson for the "Star" said, "$50 million? What is she, drunk?"
- 12.04.01

Shaquille O'Neal is taking special classes to join a police reserve unit. I think Shaq's uncle is a cop. And Shaq says he's always wanted to be a cop. I think Shaq would make a great cop - as long as he doesn't have to shoot anyone from the free throw line.
- 12.13.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Idaho, the Sun Valley Resort is renaming a ski run "Arnold's Run" after Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not only that, the resort is naming a straight-to-video store after Sylvester Stallone.
- 12.13.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported last week that a lot of travelers are complaining about being padded up and down by security guards at airports. They say it's really excessive and that it's a problem. In a related story, Richard Simmons says he flies 5 or 6 times a day.
- 12.18.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's really hard to believe - it's already December 19. Christmas is next week, or as Winona Ryder would say, there are only 5 shoplifting days before Christmas….
- 12.19.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In his latest report from Afghanistan - where he's been reporting - Geraldo Rivera says that Osama Bin Laden is hiding out in Pakistan. Which means, the most hated man in Afghanistan is now Geraldo Rivera.
- 12.20.01

 
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