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Joan Collins is getting married to a man 32 years younger than she is. She said today she's fallen for him and she can't get up.
- 1.11.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Singer Eric Clapton married a 25 year-old woman who's half his age. Meanwhile, Keith Richards married a 50 year-old woman who's half his age….
- 1.11.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
After being arrested at a nightclub the other day, Backstreet Boy Nick Carter said simply, "I was at the wrong place at the wrong time." Which, coincidentally, is what people say after they've been to a concert by the Backstreet Boys.
- 1.15.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Pentagon officials said that they believe that Osama Bin Laden is still in hiding and they expect him to release some more disturbing videos. Then they said the same thing about Mariah Carey.
- 1.16.02

According to the latest poll, 39% of Americans say President Bush is the man they admire the most, the highest percentage in the history of the Gallup Poll. And, they say the figure could go even higher - they're just waiting for the results from Florida.
- 1.18.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Janet Jackson said last week that due to exhaustion, she might quit touring. Not only that, Tito Jackson said that due to exhaustion, he might quit the Red Lobster.
- 1.29.02

During the Superbowl, they had an ad of the movie, "Mr. Deeds," starring Adam Sandler and Winona Ryder. I understand she's pretty good in it. In fact, they say she steals the movie.
- 2.11.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Charleston Heston said that celebrities that have bodyguards are cowards - they should just carry guns like he does. In response, most celebrities say they have bodyguards because Charleston Heston carries a gun.
- 2.11.02

Anna Nicole-Smith told E! Online last week that she hasn't had sex in 7 years. She's still waiting for Mr. Right-About-to-Die.
- 2.12.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Catherine Zeta-Jones was named as the new spokesperson for Elizabeth Arden cosmetics. Zeta-Jones will help launch their new fragrance, "Creepy Old Guy."
- 2.12.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that 80s pop star Tiffany is going to appear in the April issue of "Playboy" and her publicist announced that Tiffany's had a boob job, which, in fact, is the only job Tiffany's had since the 80s….
- 2.13.02

A 3 year-old black miniature poodle named Spice Girl won first place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York City. The dogs in the show are judged solely on their looks, there's no talent involved. Kind of like the real Spice Girls.
- 2.19.02

The "Skeleton" is back as an Olympic event after 54 years. They call it "riding the skeleton." Sounds like Anna Nicole-Smith's honeymoon.
- 2.20.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The latest rumor in the world of music is that Christina Aguilera is going country. When asked about it, Aguilera said that she's going to put the "ho" in hodown.
- 2.20.02

68 year-old Joan Collins and her new 36 year-old husband have been married now almost 2 weeks. He was quoted in the paper saying that every night before he goes to sleep, he feels old age creeping up on him….
- 2.27.02

Michael Jordan's undergone knee surgery. Michael's going to miss five games, if not the rest of the season; he blew his knee out. Actually, do you know what Michael Jordan was carrying when he hurt his knee? The whole team.
- 3.04.02

Last Wednesday, Michael Jordan had orthoscopic surgery to repair a torn cartilage in his knee. Teammates all went to visit him in the hospital - all the Wizards gathered around watching Michael. It was like being at the game….
- 3.04.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Kathy Lee Gifford has agreed to star in a play about a woman who murders her husband. When asked about it, Frank Gifford said that at this point, it doesn't sound so bad.
- 3.05.02

Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi says he writes a love letter to his wife Heather Locklear everyday. Big deal - I know a lot of guys who write a love letter to Heather Locklear everyday….
- 3.07.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported last week that Luciano Pavarotti has put on more weight and now he is well over 300 pounds. In fact, he is now two of the three tenors.
- 3.07.02

A Whitehouse source says that under a new proposal from President Bush, some women on welfare could get paid for getting married. This is known as the Anna Nicole Smith Bill.
- 3.08.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The Fox network has announced that Paula Jones will take part in a televised celebrity boxing match next week. This means for the first time ever, we might hear Paula Jones and knockout in the same sentence….
- 3.08.02

The big news: David Letterman has agreed to stay with CBS for $31.5 million a year. There was talk of Letterman going to ABC, but ABC is owned by Disney - and they already had a guy working there named Grumpy.
- 3.13.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Spring training is underway and one of the players trying to make the major leagues this year is Derrick Hasselhoff - David Hasselhoff's cousin. You can tell he's Hassolhoff's cousin because after he hits the ball, he runs in slow motion.
- 3.13.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Earlier this week, the Fox network aired a boxing special, where Tonya Harding fought Paula Jones, and Todd Bridges from "Diff'rent Strokes" fought Vanilla Ice. The only thing we know for sure is that they're all losers.
- 3.15.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Sally Jesse Raphael announced that after 19 years her show has been cancelled. Executives decided to cancel Sally Jesse's show after they realized it was still on the air….
- 3.21.02

There are rumors that Liza Minelli's husband might be gay. She felt she needed to release a statement in the "New York Post" that said her new husband is great in the sack. And if you don't believe her, she's got 10 guys who can vouch for him….
- 4.03.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that at a recording studio, Madonna got into a heated argument with George Michael. Apparently, they were arguing about who slept with more men….
- 4.03.02

More and more gossip coming out about Liza Minelli and her honeymoon. It was reported this week that on the first night of the honeymoon, her new husband hung a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door - but Liza came in anyway.
- 4.04.02

John Wayne Bobbit got married again. You remember John Wayne Bobbit, don't you? The only man in America to be married and separated at the same time.
- 4.06.02

Britney Spears opening "The Britney Spears Restaurant" in New York. Her friends say it's a great idea. They say her cooking is lip-syncing good….
- 4.08.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Celine Dion's record company issued a warning saying that playing Celine's new album on your computer's CD-ROM drive, could cause your computer to crash. And if nothing else, it will cause your computer to lose all respect for you.
- 4.08.02

It's been reported that for the big May sweeps edition of "Celebrity Boxing," Fox is lining up a fight between Joey Buttafuoco and John Wayne Bobbit. They say this will be the first time 2 boxers will be declared brain dead before the fight.
- 4.12.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that Michael Jackson is going to have a cameo in the sequel to "Men in Black." This will be the first time in 20 years anyone has heard Michael Jackson and black in the same sentence.
- 4.12.02

A new book out about Martha Stewart paints her as a ruthless, driven, stop-at-nothing, businesswoman. Or as men call that, successful.
- 4.15.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Kathy Lee Gifford has announced that she's writing her memoirs and says the book will be "painfully honest." As opposed to Kathy Lee's albums which are honestly painful.
- 4.15.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Arnold Palmer announced that after the Masters are over, he will retire. When asked what he's going to do, Palmer said he was just going to relax and play golf.
- 4.16.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Sally Jesse Raphael released a statement saying that she recently discovered that someone is selling fake autograph photos of her on the Internet. The really shocking part is somebody's buying them.
- 4.24.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This week, Michael Jackson and former President Clinton appeared at the same fundraiser in Harlem. Reportedly, Michael Jackson and President Clinton were the only white people there….
- 4.26.02

One of the men Robert Blake approached about killing his wife was a stunt double from his TV series, "Barreta." How stupid is that - you get a guy who looks just like you to murder your wife.
- 5.02.02

According to Robert Blake's attorney, we should not take those two stuntmen seriously - you know, the one's that said that Robert Black hired them to kill his wife. He said whenever there's a high profile trial like this, there's always people who come forward, try to confuse the public with stories and comments, and obscure the truth. I think they're called lawyers.
- 5.02.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Anna Kournikova's lawyers are suing "Penthouse" magazine because they claim the magazine's nude photos of Anna Kournikova are fake. If Kournikova wins the suit, it'll be the first time she's won anything.
- 5.07.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The minister at Britney Spears' former church is very angry at pictures of Britney smoking cigarettes because he says smoking cigarettes is a sin. The minister says he wishes Britney would quit smoking and focus more on dancing around half-naked.
- 5.13.02

The photographer who sold "Penthouse" magazine those topless photos of tennis star Anna Kournikova said he mistook the woman for Anna Kournikova because of the diameter of her nipples. That's a typical guy mistake - if you think how much easier it would've been to identify her if he had just looked at her face.
- 5.20.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week in court, the man who sold fake nude photos of Anna Kournikova to "Penthouse" said in his defense that he mistook the woman for Kournikova because of the diameter of her nipples. After carefully examining the photos, the judge said, "Do I have a cool job or what?"
- 5.20.02

Sportscaster Marv Albert recovering from injuries after his limousine hit a stalled donut truck on the highway. Everybody at NBC was concerned. Katie Couric wanted to know if Marv was ok. Matt Lauer wanted to know if the limousine driver was ok. And Al Roker wanted to know how were the donuts.
- 5.21.02

Tammie Faye Baker is now an advice columnist for a gay magazine. She's a good choice - gay guys see Tammie Faye and they feel they made the right decision.
- 5.28.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Cher announced at a press conference that she will be doing her final concert tour. Which is odd, because most of Cher's body will be doing its first concert tour.
- 5.28.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that Michael Jackson will direct his first full length movie. It's a black and white film about a guy that went from black to white.
- 5.31.02

Lennox Lewis says his trainer has fully prepared him for his fight with Mike Tyson this weekend. He says he's trained to take body shots, block head shots, and in fact, he's even gotten his rabies shots.
- 6.05.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
At a press conference this week, 63 year-old Evel Knievel said that he wants to make one more jump. When asked when the jump would take place, Knievel said right after "Matlock" and before "Diagnosis Murder."
- 6.06.02

According to the "National Enquirer," Robert Blake says wants to get a facelift before the trial. He probably wants to get the guilty look off his face.
- 6.10.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
At a press conference last week, 63 year-old Evel Knievel said that he wants to make one more jump. Unfortunately, during the press conference, Knievel fell and broke his hip.
- 6.10.02

Pamela Anderson has called off her wedding to Kid Rock. The rumor is she got fed up with all his drinking. If you're choosing alcohol over Pamela Anderson, that is a drinking problem.
- 6.17.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Kevin Costner said that he recently broke up with his longtime girlfriend. Costner said the breakup was long, painful, and disappointing, just like his movies.
- 6.17.02

Michael Jackson has just had his sixth nose job. In fact, do you know what he calls all his previous nose jobs? The Jackson 5.
- 6.21.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space. A spokesperson for NASA said they're fine with the idea, the only problem is that Jackson insists on coming back.
- 6.21.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, "Wheel of Fortune" letter turner Vanna White announced she is divorcing her husband after 11 years of marriage. Vanna said there's no romance in their relationship - he hasn't bought her a vowel in years.
- 6.28.02

Scientists have now identified the shortest unit of time ever measured. It's the length of time between when Wimbledon begins and when Anna Kournikova is eliminated.
- 7.02.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week in Manhattan, Britney Spears hosted a part to open her brand new restaurant. You can tell it's Britney's place because nobody ever gets inside.
- 7.02.02

THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO Bonus:
They had the B.E.T. awards last week, the Black Entertainment Television awards. Alicia Keys won for best new artist, Ja Rule won for best hip-hop, and R. Kelly won for best underage score.
- 7.02.02

The FBI still investigating who is responsible for that string of anthrax mailings last year. They said the person who did it most likely made the anthrax themselves, is meticulous, good with their hands, and not very well liked. It's…Martha Stewart.
- 7.03.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Liza Minelli announced that next year her autobiography will be coming out. Not only that, Liza also announced that next year her husband will be coming out….
- 7.10.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This week, David Hasselhoff checked himself into the Betty Ford clinic to treat a problem with alcohol. Hasselhoff said he knew he had a problem because he thought his car was talking to him.
- 7.11.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
At her concert the other night, Cher referred to Britney Spears as a "bitch." In response, Britney Spears, during one of her concerts, lip-synced the same thing about Cher.
- 7.12.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the "New York Post," Halle Berry's husband, Eric Benet, has checked into a clinic to be treated for sex addiction. At the clinic, doctors explained to Benet that he's not a sex addict, he's just married to Halle Berry.
- 7.18.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Liza Minelli and her husband are going to be the stars of their own reality series. But, Liza's husband says there won't be any cameras in their bedroom; mainly because all the cameramen refuse to go into their bedroom.
- 7.29.02

The Anna Nicole Smith show that premiered over the weekend is called a "reality" show. That's what I love about L.A.: it's the only place a woman with bleached-blonde hair, collagen lips, fake boobs, is considered reality.
- 8.07.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The "Wall Street Journal" has apologized for mistakenly reporting that movie star Sylvester Stallone is overweight and currently weighed 278 pounds. The Journal also apologized for mistakenly reporting that Stallone is currently a movie star.
- 8.12.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Police in L.A. are out there trying to arrest Motley Crue singer Vince Neil because they claim he hit a man outside a nightclub. If Neil did attack the man, it would be Motley Crue's first hit since 1985.
- 8.13.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In England, a bunch of scientists that specialize in working with animals and animal intelligence have trained a crow to take a piece of wire and bend it into a hook in order to reach a piece of food. Scientists say that some day they hope to teach the same trick to Anna Nicole Smith.
- 8.16.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A California man has been taken to court for stalking Anna Nicole Smith. The man has been charged with invasion of privacy, illegal trespassing, and having really bad taste.
- 8.26.02

Congratulations to Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie-Presley - they were married last month in Hawaii. When a reporter asked Michael Jackson if he was jealous, he said Nicolas Cage was too old for him.
- 9.03.02

Tonya Harding was sentenced to 10 days in jail for violating her probation by drinking alcohol. The judge was going to sentence her to house arrest, but then he realized she could've just gotten in her house and driven away.
- 9.03.02

Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.
- 9.13.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Liza Minelli and her husband have announced that they are going to adopt a baby. Not surprisingly, the baby said thanks, but no thanks.
- 9.13.02

CBS announced plans for a reality version of "The Beverly Hillbillies." They want to move a real trailer park family from the Deep South into a big mansion. Isn't that called "The Anna Nicole Smith Show"?
- 9.18.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that Keanu Reeves will play Superman in a new movie. In the Keanu Reeves version, villains don't use kryptonite to stop Superman, they just use big words.
- 9.18.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that Anna Kournikova is coming out with her own brand of deodorant. Apparently, the ads show Kournikova holding up her deodorant and saying now only her tennis game stinks.
- 9.19.02

Martha Stewart had an interesting show this morning. She showed people how to make bail.
- 10.07.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, Liza Minelli and her husband, David Gest, told reporters that their upcoming reality show will be nothing like, "The Osbourne's." Apparently, the main difference is that people watch "The Osbourne's."
- 10.07.02

Earlier this week, Winona Ryder's shoplifting trial was postponed. Apparently, she couldn't find anything to wear that wasn't evidence.
- 10.09.02

Actress Gwenneth Paltrow said in a recent interview that when it comes to dating, she avoids men with really nice shoes because they tend to be gay or married. That is, unless the shoes are really big.
- 10.10.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
80's rock star Adam Ant has pled guilty to hitting a man during a bar fight. If Adam Ant really did attack the man, it would be his first hit since 1986.
- 10.10.02

Over the weekend, authorities found a bomb in a movie theater here in Los Angeles. Fortunately, it turned out to be Madonna's new movie, "Swept Away."
- 10.16.02

Arnold Schwarzenegger is hiring consultants to predict his chances of being elected governor of California as a write-in candidate. Voters in this state can't even punch the hole in the right place; good luck spelling Arnold Schwarzenegger on the ballot.
- 10.16.02

How many people have seen Madonna's new movie, "Swept Away"; it stars Madonna and Adriano Giannini. Its an unlikely romance between two opposites, he's an actor….
- 10.18.02

The "Globe" is reporting that action star Vin Diesel has a crush on Anna Nicole-Smith, which makes sense. A guy named Diesel, attracted to a woman as big as a truck….
- 10.18.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The new Madonna film, "Swept Away," made only $375,000 during its opening weekend. Producers blamed the low box office on strong word of mouth.
- 10.22.02

Porn star Jenna Jameson has received a six-figure advance to write a book called, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star." Why would you buy this book? How many guys would rather rent the video?
- 10.29.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, Martha Stewart launched a new line of furniture. Not surprisingly, Martha's new furniture consists of bunk bed and small metal toilets.
- 10.29.02

A security guard testified that Winona Ryder told him she was shoplifting because she was doing research for a role in a movie. I believe the movie is called, "The Winona Ryder Story."
- 10.30.02

What's Winona Ryder's favorite NFL football team? The Steelers.
- 11.01.02

Scientists say they have isolated the gene that causes obesity. They found it sitting on a couch, eating a bag of Cheetos, watching the "Anna Nicole Smith Show."
- 11.05.02

Winona Ryder's lawyers are now claiming that guards now lifted her top to search her, and she wasn't wearing a bra, which is ironic. She's probably the only actress in Hollywood where the breasts are her's, but her clothes aren't.
- 11.05.02

Congratulations to Tim Allen, "Santa Clause 2," the number one movie in the country, knocked "Jackass" from the top spot. So apparently, people would rather see a fat ass than a jackass.
- 11.07.02

(more on the movie….)
In the movie, the elves tell Santa Claus he has to find a wife and get married, but Santa doesn't want to. Do you blame him? He's single and he has a list of all the girls that have been naughty.
- 11.07.02

Guilty verdict this week in the trial of Winona Ryder. You can see why Winona is an Oscar-nominated actress. She said even though she was found guilty on two counts, she said it was still an honor just to be arrested.
- 11.09.02

Critics are raving about Eminem's performance in "8 Mile." They say this is the best acting since Winona said, "Not guilty."
- 11.12.02

The "L.A. Times" interviewed a whole bunch of psychologists about why Winona Would do what she did and the psychologists said stealing from Sak's is a mental disorder. I disagree-stealing from K-Mart, that's a mental disorder.
- 11.12.02

For most people, Veteran's Day is the day we recognize this country truly is the home of the brave. Except, of course, Winona Ryder, who thinks of it as the land of the free.
- 11.13.02

Bobby Brown said that he will plead not guilty to charges of possession of marijuana. He says he will swear on the Bible that he hasn't had a hit in 15 years….
- 11.14.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Jennifer Lopez has announced that she and Ben Affleck are engaged to be married. Lopez said she wants to have a short engagement followed by an even shorter marriage.
- 11.14.02

It was Tonya Harding and Sammy Sosa birthday last week. You know the main difference between Sammy Sosa and Tonya Harding? Sammy doesn't use an aluminum bat.
- 11.19.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
People who saw the Eminem film, "8 Mile," were surprised to see former rap star Vanilla Ice make a brief appearance. When asked about it, Vanilla Ice said that as a movie usher, he can walk into any movie theater he wants.
- 11.19.02

Jennifer Lopez is getting married again. This woman is amazing: she's got movies coming out, she's got a hit CD, she's got a TV deal, she's doing concerts, she's got her own restaurant, she has her own perfume line; yet she still finds time to get married, two, three times a year.
- 11.22.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In last week's "New Yorker," a political expert predicts that a war with Iraq would only last 2 or 3 months. Actually, the estimate was 2 to 3 months or the length of a Jennifer Lopez marriage.
- 11.22.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
After being given the humanitarian award in Germany, Michael Jackson made a speech stressing the common bond between Christians, Jews, Hindus, and Muslims. Then, to prove his point, Michael Jackson dangled a baby from each religion out the window.
- 11.25.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. In fact, it's the one day in the year that even Winona Ryder buys something.
- 12.02.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new survey found that most Americans actually enjoy eating Thanksgiving leftovers. When she heard about this, Anna Nicole-Smith asked, "What's a leftover?"
- 12.02.02

Winona Ryder's attorney called Ms. Ryder the classiest woman he has ever met. He's a lawyer - he spends all his time around criminals; is that really a compliment?
- 12.16.02

Winona Ryder was sentenced to three years probation and community service. As part of her probation, she was ordered to stay away from any places where people are known to use drugs or where people who use drugs congregate. That means no more Grammy's, no more MTV Awards….
- 12.16.02

Part of Winona Ryder's community service is helping the blind. She's trying to get them jobs as security guards at Sak's….
- 12.16.02

Last week in court, Nick Nolte pleaded no contest to drug charges. No contest - why sure, compared to Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, there is no contest.
- 12.20.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A group of over 100 celebrities have signed a letter to protest the war against Iraq. The list of celebrities include Kim Bassinger, Martin Sheen, and Saddam Hussein.
- 12.20.02

Number 1 movie over the weekend, "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." They have these hobbits, and trolls, and ogres, and elves; it looked like Liza Minelli's wedding….
- 12.24.02

Jennifer Lopez's new album came out recently. She's had three albums out this year. Well, the first two were wedding albums….
- 12.27.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that 68 year-old actress Sophia Loren has been asked to pose nude for "Playboy." Not surprisingly, she was asked by "Penthouse."
- 12.27.02

 
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