From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to Domino’s Pizza, in 2003 the number one fake name people gave when ordering pizza was Paris Hilton. Originally, they thought the number one fake name was Anna Nicole-Smith, but then they realized she was actually ordering all those pizzas.
- 01.08.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Readers of a London magazine voted Christina Aguilera the year’s top role model. The name of the magazine is Skanky Ho Monthly.
- 01.09.04
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
According to the New York Post, Jennifer Lopez broke up with Ben Affleck because she was tired of him partying with other women. When asked about it, Affleck said he felt like the second biggest ass in the world.
- 01.28.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to Fox News, Michael Jackson has accumulated so much debt this week; he had to borrow $70 million from his friends. Which was very difficult because most of Michael’s friends make their money selling lemonade.
- 02.02.04
Martha Stewart’s lawyer didn’t win any points with the jury when he said Martha is a person just like you – if you were perfect!
- 02.03.04
Fox has signed Paris Hilton and Nicole Ricci for a second season of “The Simple Life.” They’re going to send them some place else where they’ll be out of place. They think this time it’ll be a library.
- 02.05.04
According to the “New York Post,” Paris Hilton has several movie offers on the table. Actually, three are on the table, two are up against the fax machine….
- 02.05.04
In an interview on MTV, Britney Spears said she still believes in the sanctity of marriage. She just has a problem with the longevity of marriage.
- 02.06.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a new interview, Uma Thurman says that when she wants to lose weight, she keeps her food intake down by eating in the nude. Actually, I tried that once, but I was kicked out of Denny’s.
- 02.06.04
Because of Valentine’s Day, Victoria’s Secret announced today that they are having something called the Janet Jackson Lingerie Sale: All bras are half off.
- 02.13.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Rosie O’Donnell says she is closing the Broadway musical she produced that stars Boy George. Critics say Rosie achieved the impossible: a musical that was too gay for Broadway.
- 02.13.04
According to “US Weekly,” Jennifer Lopez is planning on giving her engagement ring back to Ben Affleck. She said she would’ve given it back sooner, but she’s having trouble figuring out which one it was.
- 04.21.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Jennifer Lopez says she regrets giving herself the nickname of J. Lo. She said never take nickname advice from somebody named P. Diddy.
- 04.21.04
Looks like Britney Spears may perform in China. I didn’t know she could lip sync in Chinese….
- 05.06.04
Jennifer Lopez engaged again. She’s an amazing woman. She has movies coming out, she has CDs, she has concerts, she has her own perfume line, yet she still finds time two or three times a year to get married.
- 05.19.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported recently that Jennifer Lopez is engaged to singer Marc Anthony. When asked about it, J. Lo. Said she was very excited because she’s never been engaged to a guy named Marc.
- 05.19.04
It was reported recently that Jennifer Lopez is engaged to singer Marc Anthony. You’ve got to feel sorry for J. Lo., always a bride, never a bridesmaid.
- 05.26.04
Congratulation to actress Gwyneth Paltrow, who gave birth to a daughter named Apple. She said she’s looking forward to having another daughter so that she could have a pair.
- 05.27.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Clay Aiken announced that he has fired his manager and signed with a larger management company. When asked why, Aiken said he'd rather be handled by several men.
- 05.27.04
Female rapper Eve is coming out with her own line of clothes for the summer. Is that a good idea? Woman, do you want to wear Summer Eve's clothes?
- 06.08.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Rapper Ice-T announced that he is going to produce a hip-hop album for "Baywatch" actor David Hasselhoff. The album will be in stores this fall, where it will stay.
- 06.08.04
Britney Spears trying to quit smoking. Her doctors told her that she risks damaging her vocal cords, and who knows, she might need them some day.
- 06.16.04
According to the “New York Post,” Britney Spears might be getting married again. I guess she’s finally found someone she’s willing to spend the entire weekend with.
- 06.22.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Utah, a judge throw out a case against CBS brought by a man who was angry about seeing Janet Jackson’s bare breast during the Superbowl. The Utah man said his three kids and his three wives have never been so offended.
- 06.22.04
Madonna announced that she is changing her name to Esther. She’s changing it to Esther because Esther is an ancient Hebrew name that’s in the Bible. Unlike Madonna….
- 06.23.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The “New York Post” reported that Madonna has changed her name to Esther. When asked why she close the name, Madonna said Esther was an ancient queen and so are most of her fans.
- 06.23.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, Jennifer Lopez and her new husband, Marc Anthony, announced they are not expecting a baby. However, J. Lo. And her husband did admit they are expecting a divorce.
- 06.28.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Ben Affleck said he’s decided to take a year off acting. Apparently, it was last year.
- 07.01.04
Two big stories last month involved celebrities: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Martha Stewart. One is having some trouble in Sacramento with girlie-men and the other is going to prison with manly-girls.
- 08.02.04
According to a new survey in the Los Angeles Times, four out of ten people urinate while taking a shower. More bad news for Martha Stewart.
- 08.02.04
Martha Stewart took some criticism for comparing herself to Nelson Mandela. And, I don't think she learned her lesson. Like today, she skipped lunch and compared herself to Ghandi.
- 08.03.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Martha Stewart is getting ready to go to jail. Martha Stewart is apparently encouraging employees at her company to stay by issuing them bonuses. However, employees say that seeing Martha behind bars is bonus enough.
- 08.03.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears told reporters that she plans on taking her husband's name. Not only that, in two months she plans on giving it back.
- 09.28.04
According to the World Entertainment News Network, Justin Timberlake had planned to marry Cameron Diaz this Christmas but called it off because his mom thinks he's too young to get married. Do you know how you can tell when you're too young to get married? If your mommy won't let you.
- 09.29.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the "New York Post," when Star Jones gets married, she's going to charge the hairstylist and the make-up artist $5,000 for the privilege of working on her wedding, which seems like a lot of money but you should see how much she's paying the guy who's marrying her.
- 09.29.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that when Martha Stewart goes to prison, everyday she’ll be told when to get up, what work to do, and what to eat. In other words, it’ll be just like working for Martha Stewart.
- 10.04.04
Donald Trump told “Good Housekeeping” magazine that the secret to a happy marriage is not to work at it. He said he works all day at the office; he doesn’t want to come home and work on a marriage. Doesn’t that sound more like the secret to his two divorces?
- 10.07.04
They said in the papers that Martha [Stewart] will be allowed to garden while she's in jail. But again, Martha has to be careful. When you're behind bars, "garden hoe" takes on a whole new meaning.
- 10.12.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the “Hollywood Reporter,” Paris Hilton has legally trademarked the phrase, “That’s hot.” In a related story, Paris Hilton’s doctors have trademarked the phrase, “That’s contagious.”
- 10.12.04
According to a London newspaper, Britney Spears if pregnant. They say the father is the back up dancer she married. So apparently he didn't back up far enough.
- 10.13.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Paris Hilton said that when it comes to dating, she doesn’t want some “good looking idiot with no brains.” Paris said she’s already bringing that to the relationship.
- 10.13.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It’s been reported that Paris Hilton is consulting laser specialists about having the name of her ex-boyfriend removed from her rear-end. Apparently, Paris wants to get rid of the tattoo because it’s right where everyone can see it.
- 10.18.04
According to the "Journal of Medical Ethics," 4 out of 10 medical students said having a sexual relationship with a patient can be justified. The other 6 students were female.
- 10.19.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears announced that she has decided to take some time off because, “The man upstairs told her to do so.” Not surprisingly, the man upstairs is her unemployed husband.
- 10.21.04
Bill O’Reilly being accused of sexual harassment from a female producer on his show. She claims they had phone sex and he claims he’s just a victim of a vast right hand conspiracy.
- 10.22.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Mary-Kate Olson, one of the Olson twins, doesn’t like going to school at NYU and she’s thinking of dropping out of college. When asked why, she said she has a BILLION dollars.
- 10.22.04
Britney Spears announced she is taking time off of her career to concentrate on her marriage. After he last marriage, I think we know how hard it is for her to concentrate….
- 10.29.04
Paris Hilton’s sister Nikki is getting a divorce after less than three months of marriage. Guess her husband decided to check out of Hilton early….
- 11.19.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Liza Minelli is being sued by her former bodyguard who claims Liza forced him to have sex with her. Liza could face a small fine or major prison time, depending on whether they did it with the lights on.
- 11.19.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
An antique furniture store is suing Michael Jackson, claiming that he owes them $200,000. after hearing this, Michael said he wouldn't shop at an antique store because he hate anything over 12….
- 11.24.04
In an interview in “Jane” magazine, 18 year-old [actress] Lindsay Lohan said she actually enjoys being in the hospital for exhaustion because she can’t work and nobody bothers her. Boy, she’s going to love turning 40 in Hollywood.
- 12.01.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Elton John is in talks with ABC to produce a new sitcom. The show will be called, “The Real King of Queens.”
- 12.01.04
Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane are going to star in a remake of the Broadway play, “The Odd Couple.” The play’s about two straight men who live together. That’s why on Broadway it’s called the odd couple.
- 12.02.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that David Lee Roth is now working as a paramedic on a New York city ambulance. Unfortunately, earlier today the ambulance crew fired Roth and replaced him with Sammy Haggar.
- 12.02.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Paris Hilton has announced that she’s created a new perfume. Like Hilton, the perfume will be found in bedrooms everywhere.
- 12.06.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Singer George Michael has asked for police protection from obsessed fans who are breaking into his home. Later, Michael admitted he made up the women to meet policemen.
- 12.10.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Luciano Pavarotti says he tours so much he sometimes doesn’t know which bed he’s waking up in. Hotel managers said it’s usually the one bent in half.
- 12.13.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to CNN, Anna Kournikova has married her long time boyfriend, Enrique Iglesias. It’s the first time Anna Kournikova’s shown up wearing white to an event and hasn’t gone home a loser.
- 12.21.04
Mike Tyson came out of a nightclub in Arizona and attacked some one’s Toyota. He was punching the front of the car and was charged with assault on a battery.
- 12.22.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the “National Enquirer,” Paris Hilton is dropping her last name. She wants to be like Cher or Madonna. You know who’s happy she’s dropping her last name? Hilton.
- 12.22.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This year at the White House, the First Lady had staff put up 41 Christmas trees. Or, as president Bush said, one for each state.
- 12.23.04
According to reports, Madonna is secretly filming a new movie in London with her husband Guy Ritchie. Now that the secret is out, hopefully someone will stop them in time.
- 12.28.04
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A Las Vegas casino has signed Barry Manilow to a $60 million contract. So now when you go to Vegas you can either shoot craps or listen to it.
- 12.28.04
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