From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
In a recent interview, Mary Kate Olson admitted that she hates Paris Hilton because Paris slept with her ex-boyfriend. After hearing this, Paris said she’s going to have to be a lot more specific.
- 01.04.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A company the offers a talking navigational system for drivers announced they’re going to let customers choose celebrity voices like Mr. T, Burt Reynolds, and Dennis Hopper. In a related story, GM announced they’re coming out with Pamela Anderson airbags.
- 01.05.06
The tabloids reporting that this year’s New Year’s eve was very tough on Jessica Simpson. Not because she and Nick broke up; the tough part for Jessica was counting backwards from 10.
- 01.06.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Paris Hilton is in trouble after she allegedly called someone a “lazy Mexican.” Paris said she was sorry; when she said that, she was drunker than an Irishman.
- 01.12.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
"People" magazine is reporting that Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Angelina's doctor say it was the first time he's ever seen lips on an ultrasound.
- 01.18.06
In a secret hearing in Palm Springs, CA, Debbie Rowe, the mother of Michael Jackson’s children, has filed legal papers accusing Michael of abducting her children. She realized they were first abducted when the check bounced.
- 01.19.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Los Angeles police has decided not to press charges against California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger even though Arnold was involved in an accident with improper vehicle registration. Officials say it's punishment enough to hear Arnold say, "improper vehicle registration."
- 01.19.06
The premiere of “American Idol” got huge ratings. People love watching other people who don’t know how to sing. In a related story, Ashley Simpson’s concert tour is sold out.
- 01.30.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
It was reported that Britney Spears had a huge fight with her husband, Kevin Federline, and threw him out of the house. And, it could’ve been dangerous because at the time the house was going 60 mph.
- 01.30.06
According to “The Star,” Jessica Simpson was hoping to be the next Bond girl. She has a pretty good shot at it because 007 was also her S.A.T. score.
- 01.31.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
In Philadelphia, a kindergarten teacher found a 5 year-old student with eight bags of heroin. The teachers became suspicious when they noticed the student had a Courtney Love lunchbox.
- 01.31.06
According to a new poll, the celebrities Americans would most want to deliver their Super Bowl pizza are Jennifer Aniston and Jamie Foxx. The celebrities most likely to deliver their Super Bowl pizza…Kevin Federline and Nick Lachey.
- 02.03.06
Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow have split up. Apparently Sheryl met a guy who has a car.
- 02.13.06
Britney Spears is in trouble because she was photographed driving with her baby sitting on her lap instead of strapped into a car seat. Child welfare experts say this is still better for the baby than leaving it at home with Kevin Federline.
- 02.13.06
According to the “National Enquirer,” Jessica Simpson has sworn off sex for a year to concentrate on her career. One embarrassing moment when they asked her if she was giving up cold turkey, she said no, she was just giving up sex.
- 02.23.06
Jessica Simpson is said to be jealous of Nick Lachey’s romance with Miss Kentucky. Jessica’s been asking around about her, trying to figure out where she’s from.
- 02.23.06
Paris Hilton is reportedly upset because her private diaries have been stolen. Police say the suspect must have had access to her bedroom, so it could be anyone.
- 02.28.06
Congratulations to Academy Award nominee Elisabeth Shue; she’s pregnant with her third child. She said she can’t wait to have a fourth child. You know why? Because she’ll have two pairs of Shues….
- 02.28.06
According to the “Star” magazine, Oprah Winfrey was so impressed with “Brokeback Mountain” that she wants to produce her own film with Charlize Theron and Halle Berry. You sure that’s Oprah’s idea? It sounds more like Steadman….
- 03.01.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Ashlee Simpson has announced that she’s interested in being an interior designer and that she’s going to design a suite at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. Simpson says she wants to prove to everyone that there are other things she’s not good at.
- 03.07.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
According to one of the tabloids. Kevin Federline recently ordered a waiter to keep the dessert cart away from his wife, Britney Spears. Apparently, the only thing with wheels he’ll let Britney get near is their house.
- 03.09.06
The man responsible for torturing more people than any other man alive was arrested. Yanni.
- 03.13.06
Actually, Yanni was released on his own recognizance. The judge looked at his career and noted that he wasn’t going anywhere….
- 03.13.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
While appearing on “The View,” Donald Trump said if his 25 year-old daughter, Ivanka, wasn’t his daughter, he would date her. Meanwhile, Ivanka said if Donald Trump wasn’t her father, she would mace him.
- 03.16.06
Harrison Ford said he and Steven Spielberg have finally signed off on a script for “Indiana Jones 4.” in this one, the ancient relic is Indiana Jones.
- 03.24.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Legendary newsman Mike Wallace announced that he is retiring from "60 Minutes" at the age of 88. When asked why, Wallace said he wants to spend more time with his grandchildren now that they have also retired.
- 03.24.06
According to the “New York Post,” supermodel Kate Moss was spotted at a store in New York buying a 24K gold vibrator. Hope she finds a safe place to put it….
- 03.28.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
The producers of “Sesame Street,” say they have decided not to ask Russell Crowe to appear on the show because they don’t think he’s a good role model. Crowe’s upset because he really wanted to host the episodes sponsored by the letters “F” and “U.”
- 03.28.06
Sharon Stone said in an interview that there’s already a script for “Basic Instinct 3.” Did anybody see “Basic Instinct 2”? I don’t want to spoil the ending, but do you know how it ends? The audience asks for its money back.
- 04.10.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
The “New York Post” is reporting that on a recent airplane flight, Sharon Stone sat in a different section than her 9 month-old baby. When asked why they were seated separately, the baby said, “Three words, ‘Basic Instinct 2’ ”.
- 04.10.06
Singer George Michael detained by British police for having marijuana in his car. That’s not the first time he’s found in public with a joint in his hand….
- 04.12.06
Barbara Streisand is in talks for a tour this fall where seats will go for $1,500 a piece; which is kind of ironic, isn’t it? The country’s most famous Democrat performing and the only people who can afford to see her are Republicans.
- 04.20.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
According to “TV Guide,” Barry Manilow has agreed to keep performing until 2008 at the Las Vegas Hilton. Not surprisingly, the deal was arranged by Caesar’s Palace.
- 04.20.06
Coca Cola has kicked off its new ad campaign with a slogan, “The Coke Side of Life.” Wasn’t that Whitney Houston’s slogan?
- 04.21.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Three of Britney Spears’ former bodyguards are suing Britney because they claim she owes them thousands of dollars in overtime. Meanwhile, Kevin Federline’s bodyguards are suing because they’re bored.
- 04.21.06
In Sonoma, CA, the toilet of Jerry Garcia, from The Grateful Dead, was stolen from a driveway where it was going to be shipped to a Canadian casino. The police are totally mystified by the theft. When they got there and realized the toilet had been stolen, they had nothing to go on.
- 04.24.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
It’s been reported that Kate Moss recently warned Lindsay Lohan about the danger of drugs. Moss’ exact words were, “Stay away from my drugs.”
- 04.24.06
Kevin Federline hosted a listening party in Vegas at Club Pure to premiere his new CD. I think this is a classic case of what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas….
- 04.27.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Katie Holmes has been apparently taking lessons to get her pilot’s license but now she’s stopped until after she has Tom Cruise’s baby. Holmes says now she’ll just have to make her escape by land or sea.
- 04.27.06
It’s official: Britney Spears is pregnant again. So, now we know of at least two times Kevin Federline has gotten up and done something.
- 05.05.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Recently at London’s airport, Snoop Dogg and six members of his posse were arrested after they got into a fight with police. Two officials sustained minor injuries and 15 were hospitalized for smoke inhalation.
- 05.05.06
Late Night with Conan O’Brien Bonus:
There was a very tense moment on “The View” recently when Star Jones called Joy Behar a bitch. Behar responded by calling her the worse name she could think of, Star Jones.
- 05.05.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
This year, Kirstie Alley made “People” magazine’s annual list of 100 Most Beautiful people. Kirstie is numbers 36 through 54.
- 05.15.06
It’s official: Britney Spears is pregnant again. So, now we know of at least two times Kevin Federline has gotten up and done something.
- 05.16.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Recently at London’s airport, Snoop Dogg and six members of his posse were arrested after they got into a fight with police. Two officials sustained minor injuries and 15 were hospitalized for smoke inhalation.
- 05.16.06
Late Night with Conan O’Brien Bonus:
There was a very tense moment on “The View” recently when Star Jones called Joy Behar a bitch. Behar responded by calling her the worse name she could think of, Star Jones.
- 05.16.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
In a new interview, Tom Cruise says he can get someone off heroine in three days. After hearing this, Katie Holmes said that was true; he can take the fun out of anything.
- 05.18.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Celine Dion's been forced to cancel a week of concerts in Vegas because she has developed a rare ear infection. Doctors say it's not surprising considering how much Celine Dion music she's forced to listen to.
- 05.19.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Paris Hilton announced that she has dropped her catchphrase, "That's hot," in favor of her new catchphrase, "That's sexy." Apparently, the new catchphrase narrowly beat out Hilton's second choice, "That's herpes."
- 05.23.06
Jessica Simpson has changed her hair color from blonde to red. You know why? Apparently, red is easier to spell.
- 05.24.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
The latest rumor in Hollywood is that Oprah Winfrey is going to throw Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn an $8 million wedding. Experts say it’s a touching example of a billionaire celebrity helping out less fortunate millionaire celebrities.
- 05.24.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
The “New York Daily News” reported that Star Jones recently posed for a giant oil painting of herself. Which, by the way, may finally explain the oil shortage.
- 06.01.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A former TV producer is suing the Maury Povich show for $100 million claiming that Maury made her life miserable. After hearing this, Connie Cheung said he owes her $800 million.
- 06.02.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Researchers tested a new airplane that flies ten times faster than conventional airplanes. The plane was invented by a scientist once stuck on a flight with Geraldo Rivera.
- 06.05.06
George Michael was passed out behind the wheel of his car at a stoplight. When he came through, he drove right into a light pole. What about waking up before you go-go?
- 06.06.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A new report by the United Nations says the first 5 years of a child’s life are the most important for his future development. In other words, if Angelina Jolie does not adopt you by then you’re in trouble.
- 06.06.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Scientists say they are close to finding a vaccine for the sexually transmitted disease Chlamydia. When she heard this, Paris Hilton said, “One down, 26 more to go.”
- 06.07.06
According to the “New York Post,” Jessica Simpson was offered her own game show – duh or no duh.
- 06.08.06
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
In a recent interview, Alec Baldwin lashed out against Paris Hilton and said, “Paris puts the ‘D’ in dumb.” After hearing this, Paris said he put the “G” in jerk.
- 06.08.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last Friday was a very emotional day on "The View," because last Friday was Meredith Viera's last show. Meredith was crying because she was leaving and everyone else was crying because Star Jones was staying.
6.15.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Los Angeles, Paris Hilton was spotted hitting another car in a parking lot and driving off without trying to find the owner. When asked about it, Paris said she wasn't used to having her head above the steering wheel.
6.16.06
According to new research, some of the scents that get women in the mood for sex are licorice, vanilla, peppermint, and jasmine. And ironically, men get in the mood for sex after strippers with the name of Licorice, Vanilla, Peppermint….
6.16.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This weekend, Nicole Kidman and singer Keith Urban got married in Australia. Because it took place in the southern hemisphere, their marriage will unravel counterclockwise….
- 06.26.06
“Life & Style Weekly” said that Nick Lechey tried to reconcile with Jessica Simpson by offering to charter a jet and flying them to Hawaii together, but she turned him down. She said she didn’t want to leave the country….
- 06.28.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to "Us Weekly," Britney Spears has been telling people that she's fed up with Kevin Federline and plans to dump him soon. Her exact quote was, "I'm going to drop him like a baby."
- 06.28.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears is being criticized because she changed her baby’s diaper in the middle of a store and then tried to hand the dirty diaper to a salesperson. The salesperson said if she wanted to handle crap, she would buy her husband’s CD.
- 06.28.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are denying rumors that they're going to get married. Apparently, both Brad and Angelina are hoping to find someone who is better looking....
- 07.06.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview Angelina Jolie says she is going to adopt another baby but hasn’t decided if the baby will be black, Asian, or white. Jolie said she’s going to spend the weekend looking at swatches.
- 07.06.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Reuben Stoddard won a lawsuit against his manager and was awarded $2 million. This is great news for Stoddard and even better news for Burger King.
- 07.14.06
Scientists in New York have found a link between cell phones and brain damage – Naomi Campbell.
- 07.25.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, actor Daniel Baldwin was involved in a car crash. Needless to say, the pizza was never delivered.
- 07.25.06
According to “InTouch” magazine, Kevin Federline gets $20,000 to perform at private parties. $40,000 if he doesn’t perform.
- 07.31.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a new interview, Britney Spears says she’s designing a line of baby clothes inspired by her 10 month-old son. Fashion experts say the line is perfect for today’s professional stunt baby.
- 07.31.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Pamela Anderson is being criticized because the other day she was spotted sunbathing topless in front of her 10 year-old son. Pam explained that she just wanted to keep him in the shade.
- 08.01.06
Former N’Sync member Lance Bass announced in the new “People” magazine that he’s gay. All this time we thought he was N’Sync, turns out he’s a Backstreet Boy….
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Paris Hilton says she’s been playing the violin for years. Paris said she’s always been comfortable with wood resting against her chin….
- 08.02.06
David Hasselhoff told “Newsweek” he’s a bigger star than Brad Pitt because he Googled his name and there were 7.9 million references to him. On the other hand, Brad Pitt doesn’t sit around the house Googling his own name….
- 08.10.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week on “The View,” Barbara Walters said she’s not going to see any more Mel Gibson movies because of his anti-Semitic remarks. When he heard this, Mel Gibson said, “There goes the price of one $3 senior matinee ticket.”
- 08.10.06
Late Night with Conan O'Brien Bonus:
On “The View,” Barbara Walters said because of his anti-Semitic remarks, she will never see a Mel Gibson movie again. Walters said as far as she’s concerned, he’s a Star Jones to her.
- 08.10.06
60 year-old Barry Manilow going in for hip surgery this month. Actually, that’s three words you never heard in the same sentence – Barry Manilow and hip.
- 08.22.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The latest celebrity to come to Mel Gibson’s defense is actor Patrick Swayze. Also on Gibson’s side? Rick Springfield and Mario Van Peeples.
- 08.22.06
Paris Hilton now claiming she will remain celibate for 365 days. Not in a roll….
- 08.23.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It’s been reported that Paris Hilton has gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend. Paris says the best part about dating an ex is that they already have the same diseases.
- 08.23.06
In music news, Kevin Federline is now going to be recording a song with American Idol Reuben Stoddard. I believe it’s going to be KFed and OverFed.
- 08.24.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The producers of “The View” say they will not start looking for a replacement for Star Jones until September. When asked why, the producers said they were too busy celebrating.
- 08.24.06
According to a recent issue of “Giant” magazine, newlyweds Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott love to watch hardcore pornography. Dean enjoys the sex and Tori is amazed by the quality of the acting.
- 09.01.06
Paris Hilton has booked herself on the first private space shuttle trip into outer space. Nicole Ritchie was going to go, but then she realized that she’s already weightless.
- 09.06.06
Lance Armstrong was seen at a club on the Sunset Strip with Paris Hilton. So apparently he wants to ride through Paris one more time….
- 09.06.06
NBA star Latrell Sprewell now being accused of choking a woman during sex. So apparently she was trying to coach him….
- 09.07.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This week, Katie Couric debuted as the anchor of the CBS Evening News and at the end of the broadcast, she asked viewers to recommend a signature sign-off. So far the front runner is, “Stay tuned for some kind of CSI.”
- 09.08.06
The Liza Minelli-David Gest divorce getting nasty; she’s now accusing him of drugging her. Apparently, he put drugs in her drugs.
- 09.14.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week in Los Angeles, Paris Hilton was arrested for driving under the influence. While taking the breathalyzer test, the officer had to tell her to blow on the other tube….
- 09.14.06
U.S. Justice Department said they smashed a 14 year drug ring: Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are breaking up.
- 09.20.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
After 14 years together, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are getting a divorce. Apparently, they have to get a divorce because hanging out together violated their paroles.
- 09.20.06
Lindsay Lohan has broken her wrist. The time of the accident? Happy hour.
- 09.25.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The big rumor in Hollywood recently was that Lindsay Lohan secretly got married. Either that or people were throwing rice at Lohan because she looked hungry.
- 09.25.06
Paris Hilton recently gave a homeless guy $100 and actually talked with him for awhile. I guess the guy didn’t have a job, didn’t have any skills, and didn’t have much of an education. So apparently, they had a lot in common.
- 09.27.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
There’s a rumor that Paris Hilton did not really sing on her recent album. When asked about it, Paris’ producer said, “It’s true and you’re welcome.”
- 09.27.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that Clay Aiken’s new album is outselling Justine Timberlake’s album. Aiken was surprised and said he usually doesn’t like being on top.
- 10.02.06
U.S. officials have arrested TV reality star Duane “Dog” Chapman. He had gone to Mexico to capture the rapist Andrew Lester and brought him back here to justice. Now he’s being extradited to Mexico because bounty hunting is illegal there. Officials say he might get three years in prison; which is 21 in dog years….
- 10.03.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
An airline recently refused to let Paris Hilton on a flight when she tried to board carrying a monkey and a ferret. Not surprisingly, the airline did let the money and ferret on.
- 10.03.06
Jack Nicolson told “Rolling Stone” magazine that he once spent three months hanging out at his house in the nude to get over being self-conscious about his body image. He was uncomfortable. Not as uncomfortable as the housekeeper….
- 10.18.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Sean Diddy Combs announced that he and his girlfriend are expecting twins. So far we don’t know the sex of the twins, all we know for sure is that Diddy will give them stupid names.
- 10.18.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It’s been reported that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are barely speaking just weeks after the birth of their second child. Not because they’re fighting, but because they exhausted their 50 word vocabulary.
- 10.18.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to Britney Spears pre-nup agreement, after she divorced Kevin Federline, she’ll have to pay him $30,000 a month. When you add that to Kevin Federline’s other sources of income, he’ll be making a total of $30,000 a month.
- 11.14.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that Kevin Federline has been telling friends that Britney Spears was holding him back. Apparently, Britney was keeping Kevin from becoming a full-time loser.
- 11.15.06
Britney Spears said recently she’s looking for a man with that rare quality she hasn’t seen in years – a job.
- 11.17.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that Nicole Ritchie has broken up with her boyfriend and never wants to see him again. Ritchie’s exact quote was, “He’s like food to me.”
- 11.17.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A restaurant in the Italian town where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were getting married has started naming entrees in their honor, including a “Vanilla Sky” pasta and a “Last Samurai” filet. But even the chef says to stay away from the “Days of Thunder” burrito.
- 11.21.06
According to the “National Enquirer,” one of the housekeepers for Britney and Kevin said that when Britney wasn’t around, Kevin liked to wear makeup around the house. So apparently, he was Mary Kay Fed….
- 11.27.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A story in “Sports Illustrated” says that the New York Yankees think Alex Rodriguez is spoiled and overpaid. Or, as the Yankees said, he’s one of them.
- 11.27.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
During the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Barry Manilow sang a song while a group of kids translated the lyrics into sign language. Which finally proves the theory that most Barry Manilow fans are deaf.
- 11.28.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Kevin Federline recently held a party at a Las Vegas nightclub to celebrate his rap album. Now more than ever people are hoping what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
- 11.29.06
Last week ABC aired a Charlie Brown Christmas and this week CBS aired the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, or as they’re calling it, a Charlie Sheen Christmas.
- 12.06.06
According to a spokesman, Paris Hilton pulled out of hosting the Billboard Music Awards Show because they jokes they had written for her ridiculed her peers. Her peers? How many rich, famous, amateur porn stars are there out there?
- 12.07.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears have been going out together every night to party. Actually, it’s even worse than it sounds because Lindsay Lohan is the designated driver.
- 12.07.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Donald Trump recently held a press conference to launch a new premium vodka that carries his name. Apparently, Trump’s vodka gives you a hangover and a comb-over.
- 12.19.06
At a huge press conference, Donald Trump announced Miss USA, Tara Conner, will be allowed to keep her crown. Trump says he’s doing this because he believes in second chances. Hey, he gave one to his barber.
- 12.22.06
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Texas, a family was Christmas shopping when they accidentally left their baby at a Toys R Us and drove off without him. Luckily the baby was found on aisle 4 and purchased by Angelina Jolie.
- 12.22.06
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