From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Kirstie Alley says she makes her new boyfriends wait six months before having sex with them. Of course, some of them insist on 12 months….
- 01.04.07
“Playboy” magazine announced it wants to put Miss USA, Tara Conner, on the cover once she gets out of rehab. Donald Trump says he’s thinking of allowing Miss USA to pose, but only if she’s fully clothed. I understand that he’s mad at her, but why take it out on us?
- 01.10.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Paris Hilton said she turned down plans for a life-size Paris Hilton sex doll even though they would’ve sold for $50,000 each. Paris questioned why you should pay $50,000 for a look-a-like if you could have the real thing for three drinks….
- 01.10.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The other day Britney Spears was spotted leaving a club with her new boyfriend. As they were driving away, she vomited on the guy. Music experts are calling it Britney’s best release in years.
- 01.19.07
Turns out that Paris Hilton has only sold about 100,000 copies of her CD, but she sold over 700,000 copies of her sex tape. So, I guess the lesson is clear – if she’s going to open her mouth, don’t sing.
- 01.24.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The latest entertainment rumor is that Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie have agreed to sit down and talk about the awkwardness of their relationship. When reached to comment, Brad Pitt said he was confident all this could be cleared up with a three-way.
- 01.24.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new international survey people in the United States believe in evolution less than any other civilized country. When asked why they don’t believe in evolution, Americans said, “Kevin Federline.”
- 01.29.07
Apparently nobody has seen any pictures of Britney Spears’ new baby – although we’ve seen plenty of pictures of where the baby came from….
- 02.01.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The Church of England is using U2’s music during a special service and they’re calling the service the U2-charist. Church officials hope it’s more popular than their last rock-themed event – the Motley Crue-cifixion.
- 02.01.07
Christina Aguilera says that to spice up her marriage, she and her husband spend every Sunday completely naked all day. That’s got to make church services awkward.
- 02.21.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Over the weekend, Britney Spears got two tattoos and shaved her head. The amazing thing is it’s the most motherly thing she’s done in two weeks.
- 02.21.07
For the third time in less than a week, Britney Spears has checked into rehab. Now, a typical day in rehab is 30 days, to which Britney said, “Well, not in a row….”
- 02.23.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Paris Hilton’s birthday was earlier this week. Paris Hilton threw herself a birthday party and she brought two dates; which explains why Paris told her guests, “No cake for me, I had a sandwich in the car….”
- 02.23.07
Mick Jaeger is working with Oscar winner Martin Scorsese on a film about the Rolling Stones. It’s going to be called, “Old Fellas.”
- 03.05.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Angelina Jolie announced that she is now adopting a Vietnamese baby. When asked to comment, she said she only had three more countries to go.
- 03.05.07
NBC is going to do a reality show with soccer star David Beckham and his wife, Posh Spice of the Spice Girls. The goal is to combine the popularity of NBC with the attendance of U.S. soccer, and the relevance of the Spice Girls to create the lowest rated show in history.
- 03.08.07
According to America Online, 1 out of every 10 Americans has worked at McDonald’s, including some celebrities. Shania Twain used to work at McDonald’s, Sharon Stone and I used to work at McDonald’s, and Vanilla Ice. No, I’m sorry, he’s working there now.
- 03.23.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Court TV announced that they are going to give Star Jones a new TV show and they are changing the name Court TV. In honor of Star Jones, the new name will be the Food Court Network.
- 03.23.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The latest rumor in Hollywood is that Jessica Beal and Scarlett Johansen are upset with Justin Timberlake because they found out he was dating both of them at the same time. Timberlake says he feels and describes the experience as totally worth it.
- 03.29.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to “USA Today,” Tom Cruise’s wedding in an Italian castle inspired Elizabeth Hurley to marry in a British castle and Eva Longoria to book her wedding at a French castle. Meanwhile, Kirstie Alley is getting married in a White Castle.
- 04.04.07
David Hasselhoff from “Knight Rider” is coming out with his autobiography called, “Don’t Hassle the Hoff.” In his book, he says, “There’s no stopping the Hoff mania that has spread across the globe for the past two decades.” Experts say the mania survives because of its ability to go undetected.
- 04.11.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline finalized their divorce last week and the divorce agreement prevents Federline from writing a tell-all book about their marriage. Also stopping Federline from writing a book? Illiteracy.
- 04.11.07
According to a new poll in “InTouch” magazine, 62% of people surveyed do not think that Ryan Seacrest is gay. The other 38% were guys who dated him.
- 04.12.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Angelina Jolie is reportedly making plans to adopt another baby. When asked why, Jolie said because it was Thursday.
- 04.12.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Court TV recently announced that they are creating a new court room show for Star Jones. So, far the first time, justice is glad that it’s blind.
- 04.16.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A Spice Girls reunion concert may be in the works, but Posh Spice, Scary Spice, and the others are demanding $10 million. The $10 million price tag was thought up by the group’s newest member, Delusional Spice.
- 04.17.07
Due to China’s tempering with its population growth, China now has a surplus of 30 million single men. Or, as Elton John calls it, “An all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.”
- 04.20.07
Eva Longoria said her sexy secret is a Brazilian bikini wax. Britney Spears had a secret like that, but somehow the secret got out.
- 04.26.07
The New York Daily News reported that the Qantas stewardess who got fired for having sex with actor Ralph Fiennes says she wants to work in porn films. Now she’ll be banging guys without the beverage cart.
- 04.26.07
Big time hip hop promoter Russell Simmons has suggested that the recording industry ban the words bitches and ho’s. You know what that means for rappers? No more love songs.
- 05.01.07
In France last week, they celebrated the ending of World War II and the liberation of Paris. While in this country, we are celebrating the jailing of Paris.
- 05.14.07
Paris Hilton is going to jail. Paris called her punishment cruel and unwarranted; which is the same thing people said about her CD when it came out.
- 05.22.07
As you may know, Paris Hilton’s jail sentence has been cut in half. In Los Angeles, this is known as lipo-sentencing.
- 05.24.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The producer of the James Bond films is trying to get the Olson twins to be in the next Bond movie. The Olson twins are big fans of 007 because that’s what they see when they step on a scale.
- 05.24.07
Actor Tom Arnold has filed for divorce after five years of marriage with his third wife; and it’s getting really ugly, too. She is now demanding half of everything Rosanne gave him.
- 05.31.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Paris Hilton reports to jail soon and the other day she prepared herself by going to a tanning saloon. As a result, Paris’ prison nickname is expected to be Dark Meat.
- 05.31.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
One of the tabloids is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are planning to have a threesome with a Victoria’s Secret model. Pitt is excited about the threesome and said it could be one of the greatest nights of his week.
- 06.05.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Donald Trump announced he’s coming out with his own line of Trump Steaks. Trump says his steaks come in three sizes: large, extra large, and Rosie O’Donnell.
- 06.08.07
Paris Hilton was ordered back to jail last Friday. first she was in jail, then she got house arrest and got out of jail, then she’s back in jail. As usual for Paris, it’s in and out, in and out.
- 06.11.07
According to testimony in the Phil Spector case, on the night of the murder, Phil Spector may have taken Viagra. You know what that makes him? A hardened criminal.
- 06.14.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Officials are saying the cost of keeping Paris Hilton in jail is eleven times higher than it is for the average inmate. Taxpayers describe the high cost of keeping Paris in jail as totally worth it.
- 06.14.07
According to the CDC, 90% of men said they would marry the same woman. Jessica Alba.
- 06.18.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears has been telling her friends that she is planning on getting back together with Kevin Federline. Britney says it wasn’t an easy decision but she know in her heart it’s the stupid thing to do.
- 06.18.07
Paris Hilton was transferred back to the women’s prison in Lynwood, CA after her medical condition was declared stable. In fact, her doctor’s actual words were slutty, but stable.
- 06.20.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Doctors at the jail in Los Angeles say that they are still accessing Paris Hilton’s medical condition. Apparently, doctors describe Paris’ condition as stable but extremely slutty.
- 06.20.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Members of the Spice Girls announced they are getting back together for a reunion as a farewell gift to their fans. Then they promise to break up again as a gift for everyone else.
- 06.22.07
In a recent interview with Barbara Walters, Paris Hilton says that she will no longer act dumb. So apparently she’s taking a vow of silence.
- 07.16.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It’s been reported that P Diddy has broken up with his long-time girlfriend Kim Porter. Kim is really upset and said it’s hard to believe she’s never going to be Mrs. P Puff Combs Porter Diddy.
- 07.16.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Airport security in England recently detained James Hetfield, the lead singer for Metallica. Apparently, he kept setting off the heavy metal detector….
- 07.24.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Paris Hilton said everyone in her family is so proud of her because, “She accomplished so much so young.” Paris said, for instance, she single-handedly created the great condom shortage of 2006.
- 07.26.07
Britney Spears has done it again: there are pictures of her in Malibu taking her clothes off in front of the paparazzi, stripping down to her panties and running into the ocean. Do you know what you call it when Britney Spears wears panties? A disguise.
- 08.01.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears may have violated California law because she took her kids out of state without getting written permission from Kevin Federline. Britney explained that she didn’t have time to wait for Kevin to learn how to write.
- 08.01.07
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Britney Spears is being criticized because she took her 22 month old to a dentist to have his teeth whitened. Britney defended herself by saying it was either having his teeth whitened or stop giving him coffee and cigarettes.
- 08.09.07
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