From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A study in the Washington Post says women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of the study: "Duh."
-4.05.95

A historic operation occurred over in Boston. Doctors successfully transplanted tissue from a pig's brain to a man's brain -- and the man's brain did not reject it. That pretty much confirms what women have been saying about men.
-4.25.95

A new book on body shapes claims that men with love handles are stable and the most unlikely to fool around. As if they had a choice....
-5.11.95

Scientists studying the Laggard Turtle say it has a unique way of spending time under water. It actually slows down its brain activity so that it requires less brain energy. I believe the lifeguards at Baywatch do the same thing.
-5.12.95

A man in St. Louis, Missouri, has a business in which he cleans women's houses, in the nude, for $80. He's making a fortune on this -- not because he's naked, but because women want to see a man clean the house.
-6.13.95

According to a study in McCall magazine, the sexiest thing a man can say to a woman is, "Let me do the dishes." This is what I hate about these magazines -- they set impossible standards.
-6.16.95

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
To make a marriage work, you have to compromise: One night a week I go out with the boys, and one night a week she goes out with the boys.
-6.23.95

In the Netherlands, there's now a college there for prostitution. What's worse? Telling your parents you flunked out or you made the dean's list?
-7.18.95

A new study says that the female sex drive peaks in the month of July. In fact, this is where the concept of "the 4th of July" came from.
-7.27.95

According to a study, 25% of people use television to enhance their love life. Unfortunately for the remaining 75%, TV is their love life.
-7.28.95

A survey in TV Guide indicates that 21% of people make love with the TV on and they get in the mood because of what they're watching. They said that one of the movies that most turn people on is The Wizard of Oz. This seems rather strange. While the Scarecrow is looking for a brain, the Tinman is looking for a heart and the Lion is looking for courage, you're looking for some action.
-8.02.95

A line from JAY LENO's (would-be) romance novel:
Monica's hair was a deep dark brown...like the bananas at 7-Eleven.
-8.02.95

According to a new study from Italy, some women are actually able to hear with their breasts. Of course, this is great for Italian men because they talk with their hands.
-8.04.95

A trial jury in Alabama has ruled that it is illegal for a male employee to harass another male employee. So, this really could make Alabama the first wedgie free state.
-8.15.95

A doctor examined a 90-year-old man and, jokingly, told him that he would have to give up half of his sex life.
"Which half?" the elderly gentleman asked. "Thinking about it or talking about it?"
-Tom Freeman, Palm Springs
-8.29.95

After an earthquake, two men were talking and one asked, "If there was another earthquake, and you knew the world was going to end, what would you do?"
The other guy said, "I'd have sex with the first thing that moves. What would you do?"
The first guy replies, "I'd stand very still."
-Comedian Fred Charles
-8.29.95

Dr. Ruth has a new book out called Sex for Dummies.  You know, I tried it and I think I'll stick with humans.
-9.22.95

Johnnie Cochran said he hopes the jury will care and be compassionate when rendering their verdict. You know, lawyers are a lot like Spock on Star Trek when they talk about love and emotion: They can talk about it, but they never quite grasp it.
-9.28.95

In New York City, an enraged prostitute cut off part of a man's sex organ after he refused to pay for her services. Police said they found the organ, but are not sure if it belongs to the man. Only in New York would the police find a severed organ and not know who it belongs to.
-10.10.95

(In an unrelated story, I think...)
Doctors in New York could not attach a man's sex organ after he accidentally cut it off while making a guitar. Doctors say they couldn't attach it back because he let too much time go by before he reported it. Talk about a guy with a serious procrastination problem.
-10.10.95

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Scientists now say that a hormone found in sweat make men more attractive to women. This must mean my cab driver this morning is the sexiest man alive.
-10.19.95

Unknown:
If a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man it's $2.98 a minute.
-10.24.95

Doctors in San Francisco say there is no proof that silicon breast implants cause arthritis in women. But, they say breast implants do cause severe eye strain in men.
-10.27.95

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
On our wedding anniversary I made a toast to my wife: "To the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me.
-11.02.95

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
Before we were married, my wife told me I was 1 in a million. I found out she was right.
-11.02.95

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
I'm so ugly, when I told the doctor I wanted a vasectomy, he told me with a face like mine, I didn't need one.
-11.02.95

In a recent British survey, most Britons would rather argue than have sex. Actually, arguing is a lot like sex: First you get excited, then you start screaming, and when it's over, the man winds up apologizing.
-11.08.95

A teacher from Abbington, Pennsylvania has been charged with letting his students have sex with his wife as a reward with coming up with the right answers on tests. His lawyer claims that the guy did nothing wrong...he was simply teaching the kids to multiply.
-11.13.95

A survey said that Los Angeles is the most unfriendly city in the entire world. That is so unfair. I was on Hollywood Blvd. and the women over there would bend over backwards for you.
-11.13.95

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
Last week my psychiatrist told me my wife and I should have sex every night...now we'll never see each other.
-11.20.95

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
With my wife, our relationship is always on and off...everytime I get on she tells me to get off.
-11.21.95

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
For the first time in over 100 years John is not one of the top 10 names given to boys in New York. It is, however, the number one name given to men in Time Square.
-11.30.95

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new study reveals that the average sexual encounter lasts for 16 minutes. I don't want to brag, but I think I can cut that time in half.
-12.08.95

A study in Men's Health magazine indicates that 73% of men surveyed said that at one time or another they have said "no" to sex. Do you know what doctors call these men? Inmates.
-12.13.95

A guy in Pittsburgh was arrested and accused of having sex with a deer. Police aren't releasing his name, they've just got him under as a John DOE.
-12.14.95

In the book Chocolate Sex, 86% of women surveyed have thought about chocolate while making love. They say it usually starts out with Hersey's Kisses and ends with the women shouting "Oh Henry!".
-12.20.95

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Computer genius and billionaire Bill Gates' wife is pregnant. Gates explained that people shouldn't let the name Microsoft fool them.
-12.20.95

According to Glamour magazine, 63% of men surveyed say it is annoying when women tell them in the middle of sex how to satisfy them. Well, you know guys, they never want to stop to ask for directions.
-12.21.95

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Divine Brown is writing a book about her experiences as a prostitute. Apparently, the story is kind of confusing because there are over 400 characters named John.
-12.21.95

A new book called Snow White in the Boardroom and the Bedroom recommends that women think of the men in their lives in terms of the 7 dwarfs. That makes sense: Before a date a guy is Bashful and Dopey, during sex he's Happy, after sex he's Grumpy and Sleepy, and if she picks the wrong guy, she needs to see Doc.
-12.22.95

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new scientific study reveals that drinking alcohol increases a woman's life expectancy by 17%. It also increases a man's chances of picking her up by 83%.
-12.27.95

A woman who runs a dominatrix phone sex line in San Diego, CA is running for Congress. I guess she feels since she's talked to so many congressmen on the phone she's capable of handling the job herself.
-12.28.95

John Wayne Bobbit has been ordered back to jail on January 2. He is to serve the remainder of his sentence for beating up his girlfriend, who is a topless dancer. I'm surprised they didn't get along better: She's topless, he's bottomless, they're the perfect couple.
-12.28.95

Men's Health magazine reports that having sex actually adds years to a person's life. The more sex you have, the longer you live. That sounds like the real Clinton health care plan.
-12.29.95

Men's Health magazine reports that having sex actually adds years to a person's life. The more sex you have the longer you will live. If that's true, men must be experts at self-preservation.
-12.29.95

According to the Center for Lifestyle Management, the average couple spends an average of only 4 minutes a day in meaningful conversation. Do you know what men call that? Foreplay.
-1.11.96

TV Soundbites:
My mom always said men are like linoleum floors: Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for 30 years.
-- Grace Under Fire

Because of the frigid temperatures back East, health officials are suggesting that male joggers wear jock straps to prevent frost bite. I bet women would find that ironic: Guys wind up going numb in the only place they've got any real feeling.
-1.18.96

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that the Pope was a soccer goalie in his youth. So apparently, even as a young man he tried to stop people from scoring.
-2.08.96

Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.
-2.15.96

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new study in Men's Health magazine has determined that the average man has 7 sexual partners in his lifetime. The study was conducted by asking men how many women they slept with and dividing by 2.
-2.26.96

In Russia, one factory is so short on cash that they have been paying the workers with bras instead of money. The problem is, even though some of them are supposed to be paid in 38DD, after taxes, it's down to a 32AAA.

According to a recent study, men and women in health clubs tend to gravitate to different areas. For example, women tend to head towards the exercise bicycles and men tend to head towards the area right behind the bicycles.
-3.07.96

An English judge has ruled it is now legal to own a nightclub where the people can practice sado-masochistic behavior. Well, of course it's legal. What else can the judge do? If you punish these people, they like that.
-4.04.96

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
I remember the last time my wife and I had sex, she did something wild. She tied me to the bed, then she put her clothes on and went out.
-3.06.00

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
To me Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a 2-minute ride.
-3.16.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
An Arkansas man charged with disorderly conduct received 10 months in jail because during the trial he mooned the judge. The judge said that behavior isn't appropriate in the courtroom, but it should make him popular in prison.
-3.20.00

According to a new British study, women who end up with unplanned pregnancies have better social lives which is probably how they got pregnant in the first place.
-3.22.00

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
With my wife you can't be nice. When she was pregnant, I asked her if she wanted me in the room when she gave birth. She said, "What for? You weren't in the room when I got pregnant."
-3.22.00

In Indiana, to cut down on the Gypsy moth population, crews sprinkled the trees with flakes that smell like female moths. The idea is that the male moths will spend so much time and energy looking for non-existent females that they die. Kind of like Happy Hour at TGI Fridays.
-4.03.00

According to a new book called "Faster" (a book about the American way of life) the average American man spends 4-minutes a day having sex. I don't want to brag, but I've been known to do it under 2.
-4.04.00

A new survey asked 50 women what they thought they would do if they had a male sex organ for a day. That's the best part about being a guy, when you have a male sex organ it does all your thinking for you.
-4.12.00

In Tacoma, Washington, a 7 year-old boy took his sister's car in the middle of the night and drove it 3 miles looking for a box of Cheerios. That's not unusual. How many guys drive around at night looking for Trix…?
-4.17.00

In an effort to get 2 pandas to mate scientists in Beijing, China are showing tem videotapes of other pandas having sex - panda porn. It doesn't seem to be working out - they're not having sex, but the male panda has learned to fast forward to the really good parts.
-4.24.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to new research on panda bears, a female panda can get pregnant after just 21 seconds of sex - which means I'd make a great male panda.
-4.24.00

CNN is reporting that in an effort to shed its old image the milk industry will entice customers with new plastic jugs. Actually, Hollywood has been doing that for years.
-4.25.00

A Lafayette, Indiana exotic dancer has been taken to court after neighbors complained she was practicing her striptease routine with a pole in the front yard of her house. One of the neighbors videotaped the whole routine as evidence. At least that's what he told his wife.
-4.26.00

According to a recent study, teenage girls that drink are more sexually active. Apparently, this was a study funded by teenage boys.
-4.26.00

Last week Microsoft launched its Pocket PC, although the slogan is bad: "I've got something Microsoft in my pocket."
-4.27.00

According to Men's Fitness magazine, the average man burns 61 calories during 30 minutes of foreplay. Let me tell you something. If he's having 30 minutes of foreplay, he's not the average guy.
-4.28.00

According to a new British study, sex before a race is good for marathon runners. Who didn't know that? After sex with a woman, don't most guys say, "Sorry, gotta run"?
-5.01.00

According to another study, most women in this country are wearing the wrong size bra. That's why men are always trying to get women to take them off -- we don't want you to get hurt.
-5.09.00

According to a recent study, 28% of all men sad they've had at least 16 sex partners: 9 on the phone, 6 on the computer, and 1 inflatable.
-5.10.00

An elementary school teacher in Lexington, KY has pleaded guilty to moonlighting as a prostitute. Brings new meaning to the phrase, "Boy, are my teachers easy."
-5.12.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A male waiter at a Florida TGI Friday's sued the waitresses he works with because they kept grabbing his penis. Now a court has ordered that behavior to stop -- which is really a bummer because for a minute there, there seemed to be a reason to go to a TGI Friday's.
-5.12.00

The latest issue of "Newsweek" magazine is all about women and sex. Researchers are working now to unlock the mystery behind female sexual desire. The only thing they know so far: it involves eating and really expensive restaurants.
-5.25.00

According to a new study, single men have sex on the average of 21 minutes per session, while married guys only have sex for 14 minutes. No wonder women don't like dating married men.
-5.26.00

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are her eyes. Guys always take a quick look at her eyes to make sure she doesn't catch you looking at her boobs.
-5.26.00

A teacher in Lexington, KY has been convicted of moonlighted as a prostitute. By day, you can be teacher's pet, and at night, for $60 you can pet the teacher.
- 6.02.00

22% of women say they wait till they've dated a guy for a few months before going to bed with them. In the meantime, the guys are dating the other 78% of them.
-6.05.00

A San Diego airline is offering a deal where for $500, they'll take a couple on a one hour flight so that they can join the "Mile High Club." I think it's cool to be able to make love on an airplane. It gives the average American an idea of what it's like to fly in Air Force One.
-6.05.00

The latest rumor from the new show, "Survivor," where they dump people on a tropical island and they have to survive by eating whatever they can find, is that one of the couples on the show has already had sex. This really sets it apart from the other game shows like "Jeopardy," where the contestants never have sex.
-6.08.00

From The Late Show with David Letterman:
It's graduation time in New York City, which leads me to think about my prom. There was some touching and a little awkward groping. Of course, looking back on it now, it probably would've been better if I had a date....
- 6.14.00

A 59 year-old guy in North Carolina was arrested for having sex with his pig. He said on the news that he would've gotten away with it, but the pig squealed.
- 7.05.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new book, by the year 2020, scientists will be able to implant an orgasm chip in people's brains. Apparently the whole procedure will take just a few minutes for men and a whole lot longer for women.
- 7.05.00

According to "Bride" magazine, they say women who are engaged have sex on an average of 2.9 times a week, and they said the .9 was really frustrating....
- 7.07.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new survey, 14% of American men say that they've received oral sex while driving in a car. Which explains why in a different survey, 14% of men said they live in constant fear of speed bumps.
- 7.07.00

According to a new survey in the L.A. Times, 14% of men have been on the receiving end of sex while driving a car. The remaining 86% didn't drive a Porsche.
- 7.21.00

The government says there was a big increase in gonorrhea in 1998, with Mississippi having the highest. Gives new meaning to the term, "Mississippi Burning."
- 8.04.00

According to a new study, Southerners are much more likely to have sex on their wedding night than other people. That makes sense - you're always going to be more comfortable with a relative.
- 8.17.00

Police say a 37 year-old female middle school teacher in Rockville, Maryland has been arrested, and she admitted to having sex with a 12 year-old student four times. She said it was part of a math test to see how many times 12 goes into 37.
- 8.18.00

More news on the Rockville, Maryland teacher who was having sex with one of her students. She's 37, he's 12. A 25 year age difference; or as we call it here in L.A., a 2nd marriage.
- 8.24.00

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
My wife is no beauty. When we got married and I said, "I do." The guy looked at me and said, "You do?"
- 8.29.00

In Mexico, Viagra is 80% cheaper than it is here in the United States. Talk about getting more bang for your buck.
- 8.30.00

Over the past few years, scientists at Heinz say they've been developing what they say is a revolutionary new kind of baby bottle. It's a baby bottle actually shaped like a woman's breasts. If that's true, forget baby bottles, make beer bottles.
- 8.31.00

A California judge has awarded former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith $450 million from her late husband's estate. They married when he was 89 and she was 26, and he died a year later. You know what he died of? Silicon poisoning.
- 10.03.00

Every day in court last week, Anna Nicole-Smith has been giving new details about her marriage to the 90 year-old late billionaire. She said he liked to have sex with her on top, or as she called it, "Sitting on a Gold Mine."
- 10.10.00

According to the FTC, pornography sites are tricking web surfers into visiting these porno websites and then fixing it so they can't leave the porno website - at least that's the story I'm sticking with.
- 10.13.00

It's official: Paula Jones will appear naked in the December issue of "Penthouse" magazine. Well, this could turn 13 year-old boys off sex forever....
- 10.13.00

A Tennessee woman is suing McDonald's for $110,000 after a hot pickle allegedly fell out of the bun, on to her chin, and gave her a scar. And now, her husband is suing McDonald's for $15,000 for "lost of his wife's services." Because of this, she's told her husband to hold the pickles.
- 10.19.00

Several female environmentalists in California are protesting the logging industry by holding a topless prayer vigil. It started off okay, but by late afternoon their enthusiasm had started to sag.
- 10.20.00

A man by the name of Mike Trout, one of the top officials in the conservative Christian group "Focus on the Family," has resigned because he had an extramarital affair. Apparently, he was focusing on the wrong family.
- 10.23.00

Women environmentalists in upstate California are protesting the cutting down and logging of trees by protesting topless. Pretty effective too, especially the chant, "Save the trees, look at these."
- 10.24.00

This week New York governor George Pataki signed a law making sodomy legal in New York state. That is not an easy law to get passed. He had to get behind it and push it through....
- 10.26.00

The new issue of "Bride" magazine has an article titled, "10 Sexy Ways to Surprise Your New Husband on Your Wedding Night." Tip #1: Bring a friend.
- 11.03.00

This past Saturday was the 154th anniversary of the Donner party. In 1846, the Donner party left for California, got stuck in the mountains, and wound up engaging in cannibalism. Here's the amazing part: before they ate each other, they past 3 Denny's restaurants.
- 11.03.00

Oscar DeLaHoya says he goes without sex for 3 weeks before a fight. That's just the opposite of married guys - after a fight, we get no sex for 3 weeks.
- 11.09.00

Scientists say that a woman's egg has the least chance of being fertilized in the fall. Well, duh, it's football season....
- 11.14.00

According to the Office of Sexual Behavior, some people have sex when they're asleep. I think these researchers misunderstood what these women were saying during the interview. Like when they asked women if guys always made sure they had an orgasm, I think the women said, "Oh sure, in my dreams."
- 11.15.00

I'm watching "Fashion with Elsa Klensch," and she says this year cleavage is back. Was there ever a time it was out? Was there ever a time a guy would see a woman with a lot of cleavage and go, "Look at those boobs, those are so 90s...."
- 11.15.00

According to a recent study by the University of Chicago, 50% of single women said that they’ve had sex during their lunch hour. And, depending on the guy, a lot of them still had plenty of time to eat lunch….
- 11.20.00

42% of women who workout say they get sexually turned on during exercise. And the other 58% want to know what machine they’re using.
- 11.20.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
"60 Minutes" cancelled a recent story they were doing the about the play "The Vagina Monologues" because they didn't want to say the word "vagina" on the air. The odd part is, instead they decided to do a story on the new movie, "Snatch."
- 1.19.01

A new law in Jackson, Mississippi requires strippers to get a license. If you want to be a stripper in Mississippi now, you have to get a license - which, should make standing in line at the DMV a little more interesting....
- 1.19.01

According to a survey of over 100,000 people, 3 out of 4 women think that kissing is a lot more intimate than sex, which is great for men. This way, at the end of the night, you can say to a woman, "You know, I don't know you well enough to kiss you, but how about a quickie?"
- 1.26.01

According to a research study, it takes the average man 2 minutes to have sex, and within 7 minutes he's usually asleep, which can be pretty dangerous because by that time most guys are already on the road driving home. 
- 1.26.01

Doctors in England amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient. The guy's body rejected his hand. I had that problem in high school - my girlfriend's body constantly rejecting my hand....
- 2.12.01

According to a new survey, 1 out of 3 men would not go to a doctor if they had chest pains. With women, it's different. When women have chest pains, 2 out of 3 men pretend to be doctors....
- 2.15.01

The March issue of "Cosmopolitan" magazine has an article entitled "5 Things You Should Never Tell a Man." Do you know what the #1 thing is? That you are also a man.
- 3.02.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A popular soda has been banned in Japan because they found out it contains one of the key ingredients of Viagra. Apparently, it's a lemon-lime drink called "7 Way-Up".
- 3.02.01

The state of Utah has hired a new porn czar. This is someone who's job it is to look at all the pornography that comes into Utah and decides if it's obscene or not. The new porn czar is a 40 year-old woman who is also a virgin. If she's in L.A., she'll be in a museum.
- 3.06.01

According to a study by the Kinsey Institute, gay men have bigger sex organs than straight men. In fact, that's where the concept of gay pride came from.
- 3.16.01

According to a new study by the American Urological Association, men whose pants are a size 42 waist or over are 1.5 times more likely to have problems getting aroused. In fact, when they see a naked woman covered in cream, they're more interested in the whip cream.
- 3.21.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A passenger aboard Olympic Airlines was arrested after he stripped naked aboard the airplane. The passenger claims he misunderstood the stewardess when she asked if he wanted salted nuts....
- 3.21.01

Surgeons in the former Soviet state of Georgia have become the first doctors in the world to replace a man's penis with one of his fingers. Here's the impressive part: the guy can now pull down his zipper from the inside.
- 3.28.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Norway, a moose mistook a car for a female moose and started to have sex with it. And apparently the moose was successful because afterwards the car's engine started smoking....
- 3.28.01

Canadian sperm banks are running out of supply and now importing sperm from America. You know the problem up there in Canada - not enough Yanks....
- 4.02.01

According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37% of the men said they would never want to get into an argument with those men....
- 4.04.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In international news, an Australian rugby player was recently suspended because he used his finger to poke several of his opponents in the anus. Apparently, rugby officials said that kind of behavior is only acceptable in male figure skating.
- 4.19.01

A new study says that the average male burns 61 calories during 30 minutes of foreplay. I think most women would agree: if he's having 30 minutes of foreplay, he's not the average guy.
- 4.23.01

"Gear" magazine reporting this woman in Taiwan had to have her cell phone surgically removed from her rear end after some bizarre sex game she was playing went wrong. Talk about a booty call....
- 4.25.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
There is a rumor circulating at the Miss Universe pageant that Miss France may actually be a man. Apparently, during the bathing suit competition, spectators noticed that Miss France's bathing suit had a little Eiffel Tower.
- 4.26.01

From THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
It seems female inmates in New Jersey are answering the phones and staffing the state's tourist hotline. They get 58 cents an hour when people call and they tell people what to visit in New Jersey. And, for $2.99 a minute, they'll tell you what they're going to do to you when you get there. 
- 4.27.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Brazil, a soccer player got in a lot of trouble because during a game he celebrated scoring a goal by taking off all his clothes. Officials say it was bad enough that the player was nude, but then he violated soccer rules by using his hands....
- 4.30.01

According to "Men's Health" magazine, the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. That's something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car.
- 5.01.01

The Discovery Channel had a fascinating show on the mating habits of hyenas. They said often times the male hyena will get angry at the female hyena while they are having sex. It doesn't help that the female hyena is laughing at you all the time.
- 5.03.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The British army announced to boost morale they will offer their female soldiers free breasts implants. The new policy will take effect June 6, or what they're calling it, Double-D Day.
- 5.04.01

Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
I remember the first time I had sex with my wife. I said to her, "On the scale of 1 to 10, how do you rank me as a lover?" She said, "I can't. I'm no good at fractions."
- 5.07.01

According to a recent study, 5% of people on anti-depressants say they have an orgasm when they sneeze. So, why are they depressed?
- 5.10.01

According to a survey in this month's "Glamour" magazine, 61% of men say they will call a women after having sex on the first date. In defense of the remaining 39%, they said they would call the woman if they could just remember her name....
- 6.21.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A woman in Minneapolis has invented a new product called, "Body Perks." It's a pair of silicon "nipple enhancers" that make women's nipples look continually erect. They're brought to you by the same great company that makes sock-in-the-pants for men.
- 6.21.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Anna Kournikova announced that a stress fracture in her foot has caused her to pull out of Wimbledon. Tennis officials expected men to be really disappointed, but men were just happy to hear "pull out" and "Anna Kournikova" in the same sentence.
- 6.22.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the "New York Post," this year some high school seniors at Manhattan's private schools will be spending close to $7,000 to go to the prom - and that's just for a decent looking escort.
- 6.27.01

Here's an odd story in the L.A. Times: an Indiana man was arrested on suspicion of having sex with a chicken in a hotel room. Apparently, guest in an adjacent room became suspicious when they heard the guy yelling, "Who's your Colonel?"
- 7.03.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week at Sesame Street's theme park, a man was arrested for assaulting the Cookie Monster. In his defense, the man said he hit the Cookie Monster because the Cookie Monster tried to "tickle my Elmo."
- 7.03.01

Doctors at the American Neurology Association now talking about a new alternative to Viagra. they say it's a rub-on gel that will help men get aroused. Wouldn't any rub-on gel pretty much do that?
- 7.06.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that in Asia, video stores are selling a DVD of the movie, "Pearl Harbor," that is actually a porno movie. In this version, Hawaii is surprised by an attack of well-hung pizza delivery guys.
- 7.06.01

According to a recent study in "Bride" magazine, women who are engaged say they have sex on the average of 2.9 times a week. And they say that .9 is really frustrating....
- 7.10.01

According to a survey by marriage experts in Minnesota, 87% of married women said they'd like to have more sex. And it's usually right after the guy is finished....
- 7.10.01

According to a survey by the folks at Capitol One Financial Services, 30% of women prefer men with a large wallet; 12% said they prefer a man with a large sex organ. So guys, just carry your wallet in your front pocket....
- 7.11.01

Comedian Arj Barker from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
My friend is trying to get more healthy and is trying to quit drinking alcohol, but he was afraid if he quite drinking alcohol, he would never get laid again. That doesn't even make any sense. I could quit drinking this very second and it wouldn't effect how much I got laid at all. If women quit drinking....
- 7.13.01

According to a new survey, 78% of women in L.A. say they are satisfied with their breasts. The other 22% have real breasts....
- 8.17.01

Researchers at the Swedish Board of Fisheries have found that female fish can fake orgasms just like human beings. And just like humans, the male fish don't care.
- 8.17.01

According to a new survey, the number 1 thing women look for in a man - honesty. And, women also think the number 1 way to attract an honest man - fake breasts.
- 8.31.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A scientist in Peru has discovered a new substance with an extremely strong smell and a disgusting taste that increases a woman's sex drive by 200%. Apparently, it's called tequila.
- 8.31.01

According to a new study called the Boston Couples Study, men who waited to have sex in college were happier in their 40s. You know when they were really happy? In college.
- 9.05.01

A company in India now selling lipstick that has Viagra in the lipstick. That'll give you a stiff upper lip....
- 9.06.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Scientists announced last week that they have had successful results with a new gel that cures erectile dysfunction. Apparently the gel works really well - especially when applied by a young, attractive nurse.
- 9.21.01

Over the weekend, L.A. adult film stars held a car wash to donate the money to New York City; raised $5,000. It was $25 for the hand wash, $50 for the blow dry.
- 10.04.01

The L.A. adult film community - porn stars - held a car wash for the New York Disaster Relief fund. $20 to wash your car or for $100 they'll wash each other.
- 10.08.01

Here's something else I don't understand about the terrorists: they tell their followers if they lay down their life for their cause, they'll go to heaven and be surrounded by virgins. That sound like heaven? Being surrounded by a bunch of women who don't know what they're doing?
- 10.09.01

The FBI has been releasing information on how to spot a suspicious package. For example, if a suspicious man offers you a package to hold - you're in danger. But, if a suspicious man offers to hold your package - you're in Hollywood.
- 10.17.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Virginia, an 80 year-old man was arrested for having sex with a cow. In a related story, the price of milk has just hit an all-time low.
- 10.17.01

According to a study by the Indiana University School of Medicine, breast reduction surgery improves lung function. They found that large breasts can effect breathing - not for women, but for guys….
- 10.24.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Scientists in London have discovered that Viagra helps mountain climbers breathe more easily when climbing at high altitudes. And, it also gives them a handy place to hang their ski cap.
- 10.24.01

The International Olympic Committee has approved women's wrestling as a sport for the 2004 Olympics. The women will wrestle in 2 divisions: Jell-O and mud.
- 10.25.01

A man in St. Louis, Missouri is trying to make October 27, "Global Orgasm Day." He said it can happen if we all pull together.
- 10.26.01

According to a new study by the Home & Garden Cable network, a majority of women say they get more satisfaction from cleaning their house than they do from having sex. Well, sure, when a woman's cleaning house, at least she gets a chance to finish.
- 10.29.01

In Maryland, a substitute high school teacher pleaded guilty to having sex with 4 male high school students. So it's true: substitutes are easier than the regular teachers.
- 10.29.01

According to a new study of television shows by the University of Michigan, they said heavyset people on TV are less likely to be seen talking about sex or having sex than thinner people. Haven't they watched Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones?
- 10.30.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported this week that TGI Friday's is considering discontinuing drinks like the Screaming Orgasm because a lot of women are too embarrassed to buy them. Which is interesting to me because I had no idea women could get screaming orgasms.
- 11.09.01

According to a new study in "Glamour" magazine, women are twice as likely to fall asleep after sex than men. There's a reason for this: this is nature's way of allowing a man to sneak out.... 
- 11.12.01

"Cosmo" magazine reporting more and more women in Los Angeles are now waiting before having sex. In fact, some of them are holding off till the second audition….
- 11.14.01

An Australian woman has taken her dead husband's ashes and she had them put into her breast implants. I'm sure every man can agree - he's in a much better place now.
- 11.20.01

"Cosmopolitan" magazine this month has more on their tips for women to spice up their sex life. They say if your guy is washing the dishes, you can sneak up behind him and unbutton his pants. Yeah, right. Like a woman is going to do anything to distract a guy doing the dishes.
- 12.05.01

The cover story on the new issue of "Cosmopolitan" magazine is, "99 Hot Things You Can Do with a Guy," and then it says wait until you get to number 43, he'll be thanking God he's a guy. Let me give you a little tip: if you get to number 43 and he's still not hot, he's probably wishing you were a guy….
- 12.05.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a survey by Durex condoms, Americans have sex 97 times a year. Unfortunately, that means I still have 97 things on my to-do list.
- 12.10.01

New research says that a large number of transvestites are left-handed. So, if you see a guy using his left hand to unhook his bra, there's a good chance he's a transvestite.
- 12.14.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
As part of a scientific study, Northwestern University is paying women $75 to watch pornography. Meanwhile, men at Northwestern University are paying $75 to watch women watch pornography.
- 12.14.01

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week the Canadian government settled out of court and paid a prisoner $1,600 because the prisoner was forced to share a cell with a smoker. And if that weren't bad enough, his cellmate only smoked after sex….
- 1.14.02

In Florida, strippers collected over a thousand toys for needy kids by flashing their breasts. They flash their breasts, and people would give them toys. You heard of "Toys for Tots"? Similar program….
- 1.15.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Executives at UPS are very upset because a gay doll named, "Billy" is being sold that's dressed like the UPS man. Apparently, you can tell he's gay because he always brings his package through the backdoor.
- 1.18.02

Starting this year you will now be able to download pictures of Playboy centerfolds on your cell phone. Like driving behind a guy talking on a cell phone isn't bad enough now - at least have one hand on the wheel…. 
- 1.28.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A woman in Brazil has given up sex for a year as part of a pledge to bring her favorite soccer team good luck. So apparently, I'm also a huge fan of Brazilian soccer.
- 1.28.02

According to a new survey, women say that intercourse that lasts 30 minutes or longer makes them happiness. 30 minutes or longer? Does that include dinner and the drive to her house, too?
- 1.31.02

A study at the University of Vienna claims that large breasts are 24% less sensitive than smaller breasts. But see guys, here's the solution: just touch the large breasts 24% longer.
- 1.31.02

The new issue of "Cosmo" has a cover story "The Secret Pleasure Trail Every Man has in His Body." Secret pleasure trail? I think for most guys it's a well-beaten path….
- 2.05.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Next week in Austin, Texas, hundreds of women are planning a topless demonstration to protest anti-nudity laws. In a related story, a new study shows that protests are much more effective when people jump up and down.
- 2.05.02

According to a new report from the Commerce Department, half of all Americans use the Internet. The other half has sex with a live partner.
- 2.13.02

According to a study by doctors in England, 1 out of every 580 men will die while having sex. That's why men rush to get through it, we're scared we're going to die.
- 2.14.02

According to "Self" magazine, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. If your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body, either you need to workout more or shut-up.
- 2.21.02

According to a new survey by the Youth Advisory Sex Service, 30% of young people believe it is okay for girls to lose her virginity before the age of 15. The other 70% do not live in Kentucky.
- 2.27.02

According to a Danish study, women who drink anywhere from one to 14 drinks a week stand a better chance at getting pregnant. Well, duh. I could've told you that.
- 3.12.02

98% of men say their lover is their best friend - which is probably a big surprise to their wives….
- 3.15.02

A judge in Egypt has sentenced five men to three years in prison after they were caught engaging in gay sex. Three years in prison - that'll put an end to that activity….
- 3.18.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
"Playgirl" is now offering the men of Enron a chance to pose nude. Coincidentally, the men of Enron will soon be getting the same offer from their cellmates.
- 4.04.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new study, breastfeeding is the best way to ease a baby's pain. And, for adults, it can really make their weekend.
- 4.09.02

According to "Glamour" magazine, 58% of Americans said their sex lives got better when their finances improved. The other 42% said their finances got better when they stopped paying for sex.
- 4.23.02

Heidi Fleiss said in an interview that the most money she ever made in one day was $97,000, and that's without even getting out of bed.
- 4.24.02

A woman who is the vice-principal of a high school outside of San Diego has been suspended for lifting the skirts of girls going to the school dance to make sure they weren't wearing any thong underwear. Apparently, this was the last straw after last week when the principal poured water over the girls' shirts to see if they had a bra on.
- 5.08.02

In Idaho last week, a man is facing 5 years in jail for attempting to ram his pick-up truck into a hair salon because he didn't like the haircut he got there. What till he sees the haircut he gets in prison….
- 5.10.02

A teacher from Antelope Valley High School has been put on leave after it was discovered that students in the photography class had all taken nude pictures of themselves. Call me old-fashioned, but I say save something for Prom night.
- 6.03.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the producers of the show "Big Brother," during the next installment of the show, there's a good possibility that two cast members will have sex. The disturbing part is they're saying the same thing at "60 Minutes."
- 6.03.02

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that L.A. officials can ban giant sex superstores, which operate a number of sex businesses under one roof. That's when you know you have problems, when you're buying inflatable dolls in bulk.
- 6.06.02

According to the British Medical Journal, men can reduce their chances of having a fatal heart attack by 36% if the have at least a hundred orgasms a year. Finally, an exercise plan guys can get behind.
- 6.07.02

According to the British Medical Journal, men can reduce their chances of having a fatal heart attack by 36% if the have at least a hundred orgasms a year. So guys, your life is pretty much in your hands.
- 6.07.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Florida, a woman who's a special needs teacher by day, has been arrested for working as a prostitute at night. When asked about it, the woman said her clients at night also have "special needs."
- 6.26.02

There's a new Viagra pill coming out in the market that lasts 36 hours. Don't take one of these Viagra pills before you get on Southwest Airlines, because they'll charge you for the seat in front of you.
- 6.28.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a brand new study, men are putting off getting married because they can get sex without marriage more easily than in the past. Unfortunately, the study does not reveal where men can get sex more easily.
- 7.09.02

Last week, the Major League Baseball all-star game ended in a tie. Men and women have different opinions about the all-star game; it's like sex. Men are going, "Look how long it lasted." Women go, "Yeah, but there's no finish."
- 7.15.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A woman in Illinois still breast-feeds her 8 year-old son, and she says the boy doesn't think there's anything odd about it. Thought, the boy does want to know why his friends always want to have lunch at his house….
- 7.17.02

There's a new café in New York City where guys go in and they can scan profiles of women who are already in the place, and if they find a woman that's interesting to them, for the price of a cover charge, the staff will arrange an introduction. Didn't that used to be called a whorehouse?
- 7.23.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Canada, police stopped a man for driving down the road while having sex with his girlfriend. Reportedly, both the police and the girlfriend accused the man of going too fast.
- 8.14.02

Hooters has announced that they want to buy the bankrupt Vanguard airline and turn it into "Hooter-Air." They said in case of a water landing, your flight attendant can be used as a floatation device. 
- 8.20.02

Police in North Carolina arrested four men for watching a porno film in the car. They were watching a porno film on the video system of their Lincoln Navigator. I feel sorry for the cop who had to fingerprint these guys….
- 8.21.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a brand new study that just came out, 70% of Chinese teenagers get their information about sex from pornography. Which explains why all the kids in China want to be pizza delivery men….
- 8.21.02

The city of Los Angeles now considering taking away the cars of men who solicit prostitutes. Is that going to work? If you don't have a car, the only women who'll talk to you in this town are prostitutes.
- 8.23.02

The New England Cryogenic Center in Boston has been the first U.S. sperm bank to export bulk shipments of Americans donor sperm to other countries. Isn't that what we have sailors for?
- 8.23.02

Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.
- 8.27.02

The "Playboy Radio Channel" made its debut last week. It's a radio station sponsored by "Playboy" magazine. This is for men who want to hear all the fascinating Playmate profiles without having to look at all the stupid pictures….
- 9.10.02

According to "People" magazine, there's a new trend among engaged couples called "re-virginization." What the couple does is they stop having sex until they're married so they can concentrate on other aspects of their relationship. i wonder which member of the couple came up with that idea.
- 9.10.02

According to "W" magazine, the latest thing in women's underwear is called the "peek-a-boo" panty - it has a hole cut in the back to show off part of the woman's rear-end. Is this fair? When women have a hole in their panties, that's high fashion; guys get a hole in their underpants, they're pigs and slobs.
- 9.27.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported last week that a citizen's group is trying to remove porn channels from hotels across the country. The group is called the Coalition of People Who Want to Ruin Everything.
- 9.27.02

A Democratic congressman is introducing a bill - he wants to make it illegal for a congressman to have sex with an intern unless she's assigned to someone else. In other words, if she's under you, she can't be under you.
- 10.03.02

The sex museum has just opened up in New York City. You get through the whole thing in 5 minutes if you're a guy; women take ½ an hour, if they get through it at all.
- 10.04.02

Two supermarket employees got married in the deli section at the Foodline supermarket where they both work. I hope they didn't honeymoon at the supermarket - the last thing you want to hear is, "Clean up on aisle 3."
- 10.04.02

Police in Los Angeles arrested a gynecologist for groping women on a bus. The women said they knew he was a real gynecologist too because his hands were really, really cold.
- 10.14.02

At LAX last week, officials there caught a man on a flight from Thailand trying to smuggle in two pygmy monkeys in the crotch of his pants. That a good idea? Don't monkeys eat bananas?
- 10.14.02

According to a poll, 76% of men said they would not get serious with a woman who had sex with them on a first date. Although, they said they would be extremely serious about getting a second date.
- 10.17.02

Excited about the World Series? I have a warning for Angels' fans: if a San Francisco fan asks if he can hold your thunderstick, it's not what you think….
- 10.21.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Chicago, a librarian is in a lot of trouble for having sex with three teenage boys. When asked about it, the librarian said she told the boys to keep quiet….
- 10.24.02

Last week in Dallas, TX, a teacher had her baby right in the classroom. They said the school nurse showed up and made al the students leave - except, of course, for the father….
- 11.04.02

According to a recent survey, 18% of golfers say they have had sex on the golf course. Which is pretty interesting when you realize Augusta doesn't allow women.
- 11.04.02

CBS has decided to move the Victoria's Secret fashion show to 8 pm so it won't compete with ABC's finale of "The Bachelor." I guess CBS realized that women selling lingerie can't really compete with women selling themselves.
- 11.09.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, a Rhode Island doctor was given six months probation because a woman came in to complain about a pain in her leg and the doctor exposed himself. In his own defense, the doctor said the woman did forget about the pain in her leg.
- 11.27.02

According to a survey in "Playboy" magazine, 42% of Americans say they have had sex on the job. The other 58% said they're in the wrong line of work.
- 12.04.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Red Lobster announced they are going to open a new restaurant in Times Square. Just what we needed, another place in Times Square where you can get crabs.
- 12.05.02

It was in this week in 1927, that Henry Ford unveiled his successor to his Model T, which he called the Model A. Ford was a marketing genius; he knew the secret to selling this to American men: T & A. 
- 12.06.02

According to the "LA Times," one of these weapons inspectors going to Iraq is a 53 year-old Virginia man who is the leader of an S&M sex club. I guess the UN figures if Iraq is going to punish any of these guys for finding weapons, they might as well send somebody over who really enjoys it.
- 12.19.02

A police officer in New Zealand had to handcuff a sheep after it attacked him. He said it was the only way to keep the animal from attacking him - at least, that's the story he told them when they found him with a handcuffed sheep.
- 12.26.02

A 47 year-old woman from Lonngview, TX was caught 17 sex toys in your Toyota Corolla when the police pulled her over. She'll be perfect for that Toyota commercial, "Oh, what a feeling."
- 12.30.02

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new report says that teenage girls who have older partners are four times more likely to get sexually transmitted diseases than girls who date boys their own age. On the plus side, the girls who date older guys have sex in much nicer cars.
- 12.30.02

Researchers at Northwestern University are playing women $75 to watch porno movies to learn what arouses females. You know what really aroused them? Getting the $75.
- 01.06.03

Up in Marin County, dozens of women are continuing to stage events where they strip off their clothes and spell out the word, "Peace" completely naked in order to prevent war with Iraq. I feel sorry for the woman who always has to be the "A" in "Peace"….
- 1.21.03

A company says they have invented a vibrating tampon that can cure women's cramps. It actually doesn't cure your cramps, you just don't car about them anymore.
- 1.28.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The city of Paris has announced a campaign to attract more gay tourists to the city. The first step of the campaign is to roll two giant boulders to the base of the Eiffel Tower.
- 1.28.03

A Catholic priest in Las Vegas has pled guilty to lewdness involving five teenage boys. Here's the scary part; what qualifies as lewdness in Vegas?
- 1.31.03

The state of Nevada announced last week that they are going to start taxing prostitutes. You know what's going to happen? A lot of prostitutes are just going to start doing it under the table.
- 2.25.03

According to Rutger's University, psychologically men are attracted to women with short, narrow chins because that's a sign of high estrogen levels. That's why guys like women with big breasts - because it makes their chins look smaller.
- 2.28.03

According to a new study, both laughter and sex can release pain-killing endorphins which relieve stress - unless your partner is laughing at you during sex, then it's very stressful.
- 3.20.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Scientists announced that they are developing a pill that can prevent premature ejaculation. The scientists then apologized and said the announcement should have been announced next week.
- 3.20.03

According to "New Yorker" magazine, there's a new term for women who experimented with lesbianism in college, but then went back to men when they graduated. The word is "hasbiens." When I was in college, we had a word for women who slept with both men and women, they were called popular.
- 3.24.03

A judge in New Jersey has ruled that the names of two lesbians can be listed as parents on a birth certificate. Previously, the names of two lesbians could only be listed under turn-on's.
- 3.24.03

According to "Men's Health" magazine, 71% of men feel their dog understands them at some telepathic level. That's because men and dogs have the same interests: eat, sleep, play ball, and hump.
- 4.14.03

More and more details coming out about Saddam Hussein and his decadent lifestyle. Apparently everyone of his palaces contained a huge collection of pornography, or as he calls it, Weapons of Masturbation.
- 4.23.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
DC Comics announced that in a recent issue, Wonder Woman cut her hair and she is going to go for more of a punk look. She will then team up with Supergirl, but not to fight crime….
- 4.23.03

In Germany, paramedics rescued this 40 year-old man who got his manhood stuck in the vacuum cleaner. The man told authorities his relationship with his vacuum cleaner was purely sexual - he didn't want any attachments.
- 5.01.03

(more on that guy from Germany….)
In Germany, paramedics rescued a 40 year-old man who got his manhood stuck in a vacuum cleaner. This is what happens when guys try to help with the housework….
- 5.01.03

In Britain, a company has come out with a cell phone that can be used as a vibrator. Let me tell you, you don't want to know what happens when you press *69.
- 5.07.03

A man in Japan claims he's invented the masturbation diet: shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, then a sensible dinner.
- 5.08.03

According to a British survey, 50% of men can't tell if breasts are real or fake. The other 50% don't care.
- 5.15.03

According to the new "People" magazine, accused murderer Scot Petersen spending his jail time doing yoga. Is prison the best place to show people you can bend over backwards?
- 5.27.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Texas, for the second time in a month, a man was arrested for publicly masturbating. Not surprisingly, the man doesn't want a lawyer because he claims he can get himself off.
- 6.02.03

According to a study at the University of Valencia in Spain, attractive men produce the best quality sperm. That seems odd to me. I would think unattractive men would produce the best quality sperm because afterall, they do it by hand.
- 6.12.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that the producers of the Tony Awards received a lot of complaints after the two male songwriters of "Hairspray" kissed each other on stage. The producers were shocked by the complaints because they had no idea straight people watched the Tony's.
- 6.13.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that sex between two men is, in fact, legal. 
…Not only that, the Supreme Court also ruled that sex between two women is very exciting.
…As a result, experts say this decision could add an hour to Zeigfried and Roy's show.
- 6.30.03

According to the "Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology," researchers have found that birth control pills give women's voices a more pleasant sound. Of course it does, men always think it's more pleasant to hear "yes," than "no."
- 7.14.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The company that makes double mint gum has announced that it is coming out with a new Viagra chewing gum. The company claims this will be the first gum that really does double your pleasure.
- 7.14.03

It seems a Ukrainian man castrated himself after his bid to be elected mayor ended in humiliation; got less than a hundred votes. He asked for a recount and the doctor said, "They're both gone."
- 7.16.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to "USA Today," astrophysicist Stephen Hawkins recently visited a London strip club. While at the strip club, Hawkins was heard saying that the universe wasn't the only thing expanding.
- 7.17.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Austria, a man is reportedly in good spirits after becoming the world's first recipient of a tongue transplant. Apparently, his wife is in even better spirits.
- 7.31.03

A female lawyer in Seattle is in trouble for having sex in jail with her client who is a murderer. How creepy is that? Sex with a lawyer….
- 8.22.03

At the San Diego Zoo, the giant panda bear there is expecting twins; they had to use artificial insemination. You see, they had put a male panda in her cage, but after only having sex with her once, the male panda quickly lost interest. These pandas, they're almost human.
- 8.22.03

Anybody see this new gay dating game, "Boy Meets Boy"? This handsome guy is in this romantic, luxury surrounding with 15 other hunky guys and they go for long walks, hold hands, sit by the fire, and get in the hot tub, and cuddle. But the twist is some of the guys are secretly straight. Let me tell you something. If you're holding hands, making out by the fire, sitting the hot tub, and cuddling, you're secretly gay.
- 8.26.03

A judge in Cincinnati has declared a mistrial in an obscenity case after a male juror fell asleep while the porn movie in question was being shown on the monitor. The judge declared a mistrial because the judge said in an obscenity case it is crucial that all the evidence be viewed in its entirety. This is silly - no guy watches an entire porn film.
- 8.27.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that the stars of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," are mad at NBC because they're only paid $3,000 per episode. Today they said they wouldn't mind the low pay if they got a piece of the back end….
- 9.30.03

Doctors at Cedar Sinai report giving women a testosterone patch can increase their sexual drive by 81%. But, the side effects include acne and facial hair, which can reduce your chances of sexual activity by 100%.
- 10.03.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
McDonald's just announced that it is coming out with a line of Happy Meals for adults. A spokesman said they'd be just like the kids' Happy Meal except the free toy will vibrate.
- 10.03.03

According to the "Wall Street Journal," Hugh Hefner is going to be doing commercials for Carl's Jr. hamburgers. Carl's Jr.? Heff seems more like an In-N-Out kind of guy.
- 11.11.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Philadelphia, a man exposed himself to a group of Catholic High School girls who then chased him, knocked him down, and kicked and punched him. Afterwards, the man said he normally has to pay extra for that.
- 11.11.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This week in California, four women sued a seafood restaurant because they found a condom in their clam chowder. Even worse, the waiter was still wearing it.
- 11.15.03

According to the book, “How to Succeed with Women,” the first sign a woman is great in bed is if she snorts when she laughs. The number one sign she’s not good in bed: she snorts when she eats.
- 12.03.03

Doctors reported a new condition called “Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome,” where women are in a constant state of sexual arousal. One woman said she had 200 orgasms in one day. They are now looking for a drug to cure it. Why?
- 12.03.03

According to officials at the Social Security office, more and more parents are naming their children after cars. This past year there were 353 girls named Lexus and 25 girls named Infiniti. You know who I feel sorry for? The 3 girls named Hummer.
- 01.09.04

According to a new survey, 56% of women carry condoms; the other 44% are carrying babies. 
- 01.13.04

New book out called, "Are You Normal." According to the book, 76% of guys would rather watch an important football game than having sex. The other 24% said that's what half-time is for.
- 01.14.04

A 96 year-old woman was arrested in North Carolina for selling crack. The cops said they would’ve found more drugs on her, but nobody wanted to go do the stripsearch.
- 04.09.04

A man in the Dominican Republic checked himself into a hospital complaining of having an erection for six days. Do you know what you call a six-day erection in this country? Spring Break.
- 04.22.04

According to a group of scientists, a new study claims that teenage lesbians have a higher chance of smoking than straight girls. And, another study also reveals that scientists who do studies would rather study teenage lesbians than anything else in the world.
- 04.22.04

Down in Disneyland, a person in the Tigger costume got into trouble for fondling a young girl and her mother. He had his arms around them and was grabbing their breasts. Actually, it could’ve been a lot worse for the girls – he could have been Captain Hook.
- 05.05.04

In New York City, to make up for the big revenue shortage, they are now considering taxing breast implants. If that happens, do you know what the best job in the world is? Tax appraiser.
- 05.05.04

According to a new survey, one-third of German motorists say when they're stuck in traffic, they fantasize about sex. The other two-thirds fantasize about invading France.
- 06.01.04

The city of Los Angeles now considering moving a small cross from the city’s official seal after being threatened by the ACLU with a lawsuit. It seems a small cross will be removed from the official seal of Los Angeles and replaced with something more representative – a small breast implant.
- 06.11.04

“Playboy” is having an upcoming nude pictorial featuring the women of Home Depot. That makes sense. Both “Playboy” and Home Depot are for guys who like to do it themselves.
- 06.15.04

A man in New York has been arrested for coating everything in his Motel 6 motel room with Vaseline. He opened fourteen big jars of Vaseline petroleum jelly and covered the walls, the floors, the mattress, and his entire body from head to toe. Not sure if he was going to have sex in the room or with the room.
- 06.15.04

The latest issue of Cosmo has a cover story: The Three Things All Men Crave in Bed. Yeah. I think that would be called triplets.
- 06.24.04

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Procter & Gamble announced they are one step closer to developing a treatment for sexual dysfunction in women. Apparently, the drug comes in liquid form and is called three apple martinis.
- 06.24.04

According to “Men’s Health” magazine, one in five men say they’ve had sex at work. The other four guys said they want his job.
- 10.05.04

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It’s been reported that there’s a new website on the Internet where naked women are made up to look like Klingons from “Star Trek.” As if naked women weren’t alien enough to “Star Trek” fans.
- 10.05.04

A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment suit against Bill O’Reilly. She claims he repeatedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes, and masturbation. The last straw was when he asked if her breasts were fair and balanced.
- 10.18.04

Palm Springs, CA now has the highest syphilis rate in the country. Palm Springs. Isn’t that where old people go to retire? Remember the good old days when senior citizens would just get the clapper?
- 10.25.04

According to “New Scientist” magazine, 1% of the population is asexual; that means they have no interest in sex. Do you know who these people are? They’re the ones that read “New Scientist” magazine….
- 10.26.04

In Australia, doctors discovered a female patient whose sleepwalking causes her to have sex with total strangers while she’s asleep. They would’ve diagnosed this years earlier, but apparently no guy has ever complained.
- 10.26.04

According to “Sports Illustrated” magazine, 30% of male readers said they would rather watch a big playoff game than have sex. The other 70% said that’s what half time’s for.
- 10.28.04

A man in Germany claims he has invented a process that straightens bananas. And he warns, if your banana stays straight for more than four hours, see your doctor.
- 10.28.04

According to a new poll, 14% of Americans say they have had sex on the job. Breaks down to 90% of men compared to just 8% of women. So who are the guys having sex with? It seems to me a lot of these guys are self-employed.
- 11.04.04

Plans are under way for a reality show in which men will complete for the chance to be a sperm donor for a woman. I believe the show is called, “Different Strokes.”
- 01.28.05

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The FDA has approved a new medicine that fights premature ejaculation. The FDA was going to hold a press conference, but news leaked out before they had a chance.
- 01.28.05

A group of people in Los Angeles is now fighting for the right for women to be able to sunbathe topless in the state of California. The name of this group? Men.
- 02.02.05

A female high school teacher in Redwood City, CA has been arrested after DNA tests prove that the father of her baby was one of her former students. Why does this keep happening? Remember when an after school special was just a TV show?
- 02.02.05

Here’s an interesting statistic: men in New Jersey are the least likely to buy lingerie for their women. However, governors of New Jersey are the most likely to buy lingerie for themselves.
- 02.04.05

According to rabbis, Viagra is now considered kosher for Passover. You know what that means? Just because the bread can’t rise, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to….
- 04.25.05

The FDA is holding at least 15 hours of testimony on breast implants. Witnesses have been divided into two categories – perky and saggy.
- 04.26.05

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Pfizer, the company that makes Viagra, reported that profits went down 6% last year. Afterwards, Pfizer was embarrassed and said they sore this had never happened before….
- 04.26.05

There’s a concern at zoos in China that their panda population is in trouble. Apparently, their pandas are so fat, they can’t mate. Well, that hasn’t stopped us Americans.
- 04.27.05

In a new survey, 14% of people said they had stopped during sex to answer a cell phone. Even more shocking, 7% said they stopped during sex to answer a pay phone….
- 04.29.05

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A new study on premature ejaculation came out, and it’s defined as the condition as coming to a climax in under two minutes. The weird thing is the study wasn’t supposed to come out until next week….
- 05.09.05

Starting in the fall, the University of Iowa will offer a course on pornography. How tired is your hand after taking that final?
- 06.24.05

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
The Food and Drug Administration is investigating new claims that Viagra can make a person go blind. Apparently, if you take too much Viagra, you can poke your own eyes out.
- 06.24.05

According to a new survey in “Life” magazine, 39% of men said they have more sex on the weekend, while only 33% of women said they have more sex on the weekend. So apparently, 6% of these men are having sex with each other.
- 08.11.05

According to "Self" magazine, 30% of women said they are distracted during sex by noisy children, and those are just the teachers.
- 08.18.05

According to "Glamour" magazine, male elephants only last 20 seconds during sex. And here's the worse part: the female elephants never forget.
- 08.19.05

There's a new movie, "Brokeback Mountain," that won the Venice Film Festival and is quite controversial. It's about two gay cowboys who fall in love. In a lot of ways, it's a typical western. The good guy gets the bad guy in the end.
- 10.12.05

According to woman’s health magazine, 10:34 pm on Saturday night is the time when most women will have an orgasm. Unfortunately, the guy has his around 10:15 pm.
- 10.18.05

Every week it seems like there’s another female teacher having sex with another student. Remember the old days when an after school special was a TV show?
- 10.20.05

20% of this year’s high school seniors in California flunked the state’s graduation exam. That shows you how backward things are. The exams are hard and the teachers are easy.
- 10.20.05

The FBI is now recruiting agents for an anti-obscenity taskforce. The FBI said they’ll divert agents from other areas to fight a war on pornography. Or, as president Bush is calling it, Weapons of Mass Erections.
- 10.31.05

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A woman is suing her doctor because he tricked her into having sex by telling her it would cure her back problems. Apparently, things really got out of hand when the doctor said he could also cure her toothache.
- 10.31.05

Because so many women buy condoms now, Trojans, the condom manufacturer, announced plans to sell condoms under feminine brand names. This could backfire – I’m not sure a lot of guys want to wear condoms named short and sassy.
- 11.02.05

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders arrested for having sex in the bathroom stall of a ladies room. I don’t understand why they were fired. Isn’t it the job of cheerleaders to excite the crowd?
- 11.16.05

According to a survey by Ikea, they say 11% of people are now having sex in their kitchen. Do you know why? Because they can’t figure out how to put their Ikea bedroom together.
- 12.23.05

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A consumer group warned that Mr. Potato Head is a dangerous toy because people can choke on its small pieces. When she heard this, Mrs. Potato Head sighed and said, “Tell me about it….”
- 12.23.05

Doctors now say that the birth control pill does not decrease the risk of having a heart attack. However, forgetting to take the pill will increase your partner's chance of having a heart attack....
- 01.20.06

Officials at the United Arab Emirates broke up a mass gay wedding in Dubai and arrested two dozen gay men who were trying to get married. And they’re now telling them they might punish the men by injecting them with male hormones. I may be wrong, but wasn’t that what they were going to do during the honeymoon?
- 01.26.06

The people at Match.com have teamed up with Dr. Phil for a new dating program for women called Mind.Find.Bind. Don’t confuse it with the guy’s version of the dating program. That’s Jump.Hump.Dump.
- 01.27.06

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
It's been reported that if General Motors wants to be profitable again, they're going to have to sell the division that makes the Hummer. Experts say the most likely buyer is a wealthy corporation with a small penis.
- 02.01.06

Oscar nominations came out last week and one of the gay cowboys from “Brokeback Mountain” was nominated for Best Actor but the other was only nominated for Best Supporting Actor. When asked about it, the Academy said somebody has to be on the bottom….
- 02.07.06

“Brokeback Mountain” was nominated for eight Oscars; more than any other film. Heath Ledger was nominated for Best Actor and Jake Gyllenhaal nominated for Best Supporting Actor. It seems to me they were both on screen an equal amount of time, but I got to be honest. I can’t remember which actor had the bigger part.
- 02.14.06

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A soft drink company is launching a new beverage that arouses the person drinking it and makes them want to have sex. The company says they’re calling the new beverage beer.
- 02.14.06

The cheerleading coach at East Tennessee State University has kicked one of the teenagers off the team because the girl works as a waitress at Hooters. The coach feels that wearing a skimpy outfit and serving hamburgers is not a proper job for someone who wants to wear a skimpy outfit and jumps up and down.
- 02.15.06

According to a new study done by Italian researchers having a TV in your bedroom can be harmful to your sex life. They say a TV in the bedroom can cut your sex life in half. The good news: having an Italian in your bedroom can double it.
- 03.02.06

Last week, Oprah Winfrey did a show about women addicted to sex. These are women who look for sex any chance they can get it, with anyone they can find. They never turn it down no matter how cheap, dangerous, or degrading it is. They’re like men.
- 03.06.06

According to “Men’s Health” magazine, a man uses 143 muscles while having sex. I didn’t realize it took that many muscles to work a computer.
- 03.07.06

The latest “Cosmopolitan” magazine has a cover story, “7 Ways to Make Him Ache For You.” You know what they are? Don’t have sex with him on Monday, don’t have sex with him on Tuesday,….
- 03.16.06

A recent issue of “Cosmopolitan” magazine had a cover story called, “His Four Stages of Love.” I think they’re called, first base, second base….
- 04.19.06

A woman in El Salvador was arrested for smuggling into jail a hand grenade hidden in her vagina. Although, technically, at that point it’s no longer a hand grenade.
- 05.22.06

From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
A man was convicted of sending a mail bomb to his doctor because the doctor botched his penis enlargement surgery. The good news is that the man could be sentenced to prison where he’ll get all the large penises he’ll ever need.
- 05.22.06

This Spring, the 2006 issue of “Your Prom” magazine, had a poll asking kids what is your biggest prom nightmare. 60% said the date never shows up, 2% said the limo never shows up, 38% said your period never shows up.
- 05.23.06

CCN ran a story on “sex-somnia.” It’s a sleep disorder that affects mostly men. Sex-somniacs have sex while they’re asleep and the men who have say they have it, don’t remember having sex the next morning. We used to call that getting drunk.
- 06.07.06

According to a new survey, most women can tell in the first hour if a man is worth going out with. And 100% of men say they can tell from the last hour if a woman is worth going out with.
- 06.22.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Apparently, 40,000 prostitutes have gone to Germany because of the World Cup. Apparently, the prostitutes are the only chance the U.S. team has to score.
- 06.22.06

In Britain women who want to be pregnant without being involved in a relationship with a man can now buy sperm over the internet. Which works out great because a lot of men donate sperm while on the internet.
- 06.29.06

A study in “The Journal of Biological Psychology” said an orgasm a man has from sex is four times more pleasurable than one he has from masturbation. But, it’s also four times more expensive.
- 07.07.06

According to “Playboy” magazine, a pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. Here’s my question: who found this out and why did he tell anybody?
- 07.11.06

At Orlando, FL, doctors say sexually-transmitted diseases among senior citizens in retirement communities are running rampant. Doctors blame Viagra, a lack of sex education, and the low risk of pregnancy for the increase in sexually-transmitted diseases among the elderly. Here’s my question: where are the parents.
- 07.14.06

A Canadian college student is gaining notoriety with claims that he can heal with the touch of his hand. I believe he specializes in breast and pelvic pain.
- 07.26.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, Paris Hilton says she plans on taking some time to “find herself.” Paris says she’s pretty sure she’s under a pile of guys.
- 07.26.06

According to a study done by the Oxygen TV Network, 3 out of 4 women would prefer to have a giant big-screen plasma TV to a diamond necklace. You know what you call these women? Lesbians.
- 08.28.06

The first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited irreconcilable similarities.
- 08.28.06

In London, a woman who claimed she had persistent sexual arousal and had over 40 orgasms a day was jailed recently for welfare fraud. Ironically, they claimed she was faking it.
- 08.29.06

A 39 year-old woman in Jericho, NY is suing her therapist after she repeatedly had sex with him during their therapy sessions. Five years they had sex and he charged her $30,000. Now she’s hired a lawyer; and she thought she got screwed by the doctor….
- 08.29.06

A recent “Cosmopolitan” magazine has an article for women called, “What Guys Notice: 20 Things That Turn Their Heads.” Twenty? Maybe the guy is looking at ten women.
- 09.01.06

Police in Rio de Janiero say they've arrested a man who stole Viagra from a number of pharmacies. However, his accomplice is at large and getting larger.
- 09.05.06

Spanish TV is showing a commercial for a product called American Bust. It's a cream you rub on and it gives you bigger breasts. Now if a rub on cream gives you bigger breasts, wouldn't it also give you bigger hands?
- 09.05.06

There was a big conference in Australia on global warming and the organizers brought in a stripper to entertain the delegates. Half of the delegates walked out; the other half were men….
- 09.29.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A new sports bra recently went on sale that features a special pocket to hold an iPod. In fact, I saw a woman today who looked like she was carrying at least 20,000 songs.
- 09.29.06

There is now a dating service for people who have sexually transmitted diseases. I believe it’s called MySpace.
- 10.12.06

Officials in Concord High School in Concord, NH have stopped all the school dances because the students were gyrating suggestively and grinding into each other, which made a lot of people upset and several teachers very jealous.
- 10.13.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Recently, “Star Wars creator” George Lucas donated $175 million to USC. To honor “Star Wars,” USC is going to change their mascot from the Trojans to “The Guys Who Don’t Need Trojans.”
- 10.13.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A New York woman is suing Toys ‘R Us because she was breastfeeding in the store and employees asked her to stop; mainly because young boys kept point at her breasts saying they wanted one of those.
- 10.16.06

A woman in Bulgaria survived a horrible auto accident because her huge breast implants acted like air bags and saved her life. Unfortunately, her boyfriend's hands were completely destroyed.
- 10.19.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new study, men on average have higher IQs than women. The study was published by a group of guys who never want to get laid again.
- 10.19.06

Doctors say that 20% of men suffer from premature ejaculation. Now why do they say the men suffer? It’s the women that suffer.
- 10.20.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The state of Vermont is reporting an increase in its number of nudists. Which explains the popularity of Ben & Jerry’s latest flavor, “Sagging Pecans.”
- 10.20.06

A new diet claims that the more sex you have, the thinner you will be. So, either way, you can lose weight by being on Jenny Craig.
- 11.07.06

According to an online survey, 38% of people say they have prayed after having sex. The other 62% used a condom.
- 11.08.06

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The University of Wisconsin has placed members of their marching band on probation for inappropriate sex acts. Which, by the way, is the first time anyone has used the terms marching band and sex act in the same sentence.
- 11.08.06

A man in Wisconsin has been arrested for having sex with a dead deer. The police are no giving his name; they are just reporting him as a John Doe.
- 01.03.07

(more on the man having sex with a dead deer….)
The man said he was just rebelling against his wife. Every night she would say, “No dear, no dear.”
- 01.03.07

According to a recent poll by “Woman’s Day” magazine, 60% of women believe in ghosts. That’s because they’ve seen how quickly guys can disappear after sex.
- 01.04.07

According to diet experts in "Allure" magazine, the average woman can burn up to 500 calories in an hour of love-making. The bad news? The average guy only lasts 5 calories.
- 01.08.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to statistics just released by the Census Bureau, 6% of men say they have had a homosexual experience. The experience ranges from having sex with another man to owning more than one Clay Aiken album.
- 01.11.07

1 in 4 women say they have negative images of their body during sex. Women, let me put your mind at ease. 9 times out of 10, the guy is thinking of some other women’s body during sex.
- 01.12.07

Doctors in China have performed what is being described as the world’s first penis transplant. The operation went well, but after two weeks his body rejected it. So the man has no penis now. In fact, his friends say he’s just nuts.
- 01.17.07

A guy in China was the first to have a penis transplant. Had it removed. That’s got to make life difficult – without a penis? What’s a man supposed to think with?
- 01.17.07

According to a poll of singles, the number 1 trait that men look for in women is a sense of humor. You know how to make a woman laugh? Tell her the number 1 thing that men look for in women is a sense of humor.
- 01.18.07

A new study says that the number 1 quality men find attractive in a woman is her sense of humor. They especially like it when they laugh at a joke and their boobs bounce up and down.
- 01.18.07

A female librarian at a school in West Virginia has been suspended for having an inappropriate relationship with two male students. Now the kids are worried because the librarian is two weeks overdue….
- 01.26.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A study was recently done to see which smells put people in the mood for sex. It turns out that the most erotic scent is a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie. That makes sense – I mean who doesn’t get turned on when they smell an old lady at Thanksgiving?
- 01.26.07

According to a new survey in “Self” magazine, 40% of its readers have gone six months without sex; which explains why they’re fans of “Self” magazine.
- 02.05.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This weekend in Atlantic City, a New Jersey woman gave birth to her baby in the middle of a casino. The gamblers who were there said the baby was the only thing to come out of a slot all day.
- 02.09.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
New York’s health commissioner marked Valentine’s Day by unveiling a new line of New York City condoms. The New York condoms come in two sizes: Empire State Building and Little Italy….
- 02.15.07

According to “Glamour” magazine, 4 out of 10 women say they will have sex on the third date. So guys, all you have to do is take her out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner….
- 02.20.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new survey, 26% of people say they have a crush on someone they work with. Unfortunately, the survey was taken at NASA.
- 02.20.07

According to the AskMen website, lipstick on your collar will disappear when rubbed with petroleum jelly. If you’re a guy and you’re walking around carrying petroleum jelly, chances are you’re not kissing a woman….
- 03.06.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Hong Kong, a 107 year-old man says he’s lived so long because of his decision to give up sex. When asked why he gave up sex, the 107 year-old man said he had to because he likes older women….
- 03.28.07

Doctors in England report that a 28 year-old female patient has 250 orgasms a day. Now here’s a woman who should have her own reality show.
- 03.29.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The city of New York announced that it is coming out with its own brand of condoms that come in different wrappers to represent the different subway lines. Their slogan is, “Take the F Train to the G Spot.”
- 04.20.07

The Oregon senate has approved a bill that will allow ex-prostitutes to become teachers. I believe the name of the bill is, “Every Child Gets Some Behind.”
- 05.25.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Recently in New York, a school teacher received a box without a return address that contained twelve pounds of marijuana. Afterwards, the teacher said it sure beat the hell out of an apple.
- 05.25.07

According to a Harlequin Romance survey, 55% of men will tell a woman, “I love you,” just to have sex with her. The other 45% of guys said even that doesn’t work.
- 06.05.07

A new study just released says Viagra can cure jetlag. Talk about snakes on a plane….
- 06.12.07

The owner of the Los Angeles Lakers, 74 year-old Jerry Buss was arrested on a DUI with a 23 year-old woman in his car. Actually, isn’t that what the Lakers need right now? Someone that can drive and score?
- 06.13.07

Half the people interviewed say they have had sex with another employee at work. Here’s the weird part – it was all with the same employee.
- 06.13.07

According to a new report by the National Center for Health Statistics, fewer and fewer high school students are having sex today. So that proves there’s a teacher shortage.
- 07.17.07

In Wisconsin, a 38 year-old female substitute teacher was accused with having sex with a 13 year-old male student. Well, you know what they say about substitutes – they’re always easier than the regular teacher.
- 07.27.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Jim Mitchell, one of porn’s most prolific movie producers, recently past away. In tribute, hundreds of male porn stars were at half mast.
- 07.27.07

Porn star Jenna Jameson coming out with her own line of comic book heroes. I believe they’re called, “Fantastic On All Fours.”
- 08.09.07