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Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: Witnesses that saw the Southwest crash thought at first that it was a movie. That's what I love about this town. Where else than in L.A. can a plane skid down a runway, crash through a fence, slide across a road, almost hit a gas station, and have people go, "It's so fake…." Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher: According to the National Oceanic & Atmospheric administration, men are struck by lightning four times more often than women. It usually happens right after they tell women, "I'll call you." Looks like Darva "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire" Conger will pose naked in Playboy magazine. She says the photos will be tastefully done. And who else knows more about taste than a woman who marries a man she just met on Fox. In what could possibly be the cheapest Mother's Day gift is something called, "Send-a-Song" phone service. You send a song over the phone to your mom. Isn't that basically putting her on hold? From Changing Times: According to Redbook magazine, one of women's biggest fears is getting fat. That's also one of men's biggest fears, too -- that their women are going to get fat. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The CBS miniseries, "Jesus," did great -- people really tuned in for it. At the end of the miniseries, CBS said if you want to learn more about Jesus, log on their web site. What about looking at the "Bible"? Last Thursday was the 20th anniversary of the Mount St. Helen's eruption, the biggest, most violent explosion in history not involving Bobby Knight. According to a recent study, the average woman speaks 7,000 words a day; the average man only speaks 2,000 words a day. And with guys, it's usually the same words over and over again: "I'm sorry. What did you say, honey?" The average woman burns more calories walking around a shopping mall than she does walking around a track. That makes sense. At a shopping mall the women are dragging their husbands.... Toys 'R Us announced plans to open the worlds' largest toy store, a 101,000 square feet store. They say the store will include a life-size dollhouse. If it's a life-size dollhouse, doesn't that mean it's a regular house house? A new medical study says drinking moderate amounts of alcohol can help a person think. In fact, they said drinking large amounts can help you think. You start thinking, "Where's my car?" "Who's this women?" "Why's my head in the toilet?" Comedian Willie Barcena from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: According to a recent study, the most popular fitness sport among Americans is bowling. Is this really a "fitness" sport? Any sport where you can drink beer and eat pizza while you're doing the sport is not a sport. Comedian Jon Stewart from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: From George Washington Carver: Victoria's Secret said in the paper that 40% of the underwear they sell are thongs. In fact, that's why the models have that pouty look on their face, they're getting wedgies all the time.... Anybody watch that new fugitive show on CBS? In the beginning of the show, Dr. Richard Kimble saves the life of a young woman by draining blood out of her lungs and then after treating her for about 3 minutes, he leaves her there so she can receive help from somewhere else. So, apparently Dr. Kimble is also an HMO doctor. Have you seen this commercial for Viagra? The guy comes home, he's rushing around, he's cleaning the house, he's cooking dinner, he's setting the table, he's putting flowers and candles out before his wife gets home. Do you think women watching the commercial go, "Never mind the sex. Where do I find a pill to get my husband to do all of that?" Rulon Gardner, the kid that beat the Russian against all odds, turned down a $1M offer to wrestle professionally for the WWF. Apparently, Gardner has a condition that prohibits him from wrestling professionally. I think it's called self respect. People are asking why it's taking so long to decide a President. Do the math. You've got politicians who have hired lawyers who get paid by the hour to investigate government appointees who are talking to retired people living in Florida. The movie "Family Man" opened a last weekend. The movie is about a guy who has it all. He's got money, nice cars, he's got this fabulous bachelor pad, he's got women. Then he wakes up one day to find out he has a whole family of kids he never knew he had. "Family Man"? Sounds more like NBA Man. |
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