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A smile is a whisper of a laugh. From George Bernard Shaw: According to a new study at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania, moms are better at baby talk than dads. Do you know what dad considers baby talk? "Here, you take her." According to "Maxim" magazine, by the age of 85, the average New Yorker would have walked 100,000 miles. The average African-American New Yorker would have walked 500 miles because they can't get a cab. The University of California, Berkeley, is not going to allow students from China or any other Asian country effected by the SARS virus to enroll for the summer session. This is wrong - if we start banning Asian students from our schools, who's the American students going to cheat off? When a man becomes a woman, do you know what the most painful part is? The pay cut. According to a Norwegian study, good looking criminals are more likely to get off with lighter sentences. Or as they call criminals like that in L.A., celebrities. They are now reporting that the Grand Canyon is having a financial crisis. They say there might not be enough money to keep it going. How did the Grand Canyon make it this far? We're still looking for weapons of mass destruction. You know when I knew we weren't going to find the weapons of mass destruction? Remember after the war ended, a few days went by and we found all that pornography? If you find a guy's porn, that's it, there are no more hiding places. According to the FBI, crime rates have dropped last year, though there were increases in murder, rape, and burglary. What else is there? From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Social scientists say San Francisco's population is decreasing faster than any other city in the nation. The people of San Francisco are not reproducing. I wonder why…? The FX channel has come out with a new drama called Nip/Tuck. They say it's the first TV show about plastic surgery. Really? What was "Baywatch"? Experts say when it's really a scorcher like this, the extreme heat is toughest on the very old and the very young. Which is basically every second marriage in Hollywood. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. A bar in New York City is selling a martini for $63. The general manager said it's a way to reward yourself after a hard day's work. If you weren't spending $63 a drink, maybe you wouldn't have to work so hard. According to the "Wall Street Journal," the trend in bars today are drinks with bits of food in them - like cocktails with blue cheese, cucumbers, a piece of ham. Alcohol with food in it. Didn't that used to be called vomit? Why do they call miniature versions of candy bars fun size? I don't know who's idea it was to call something that's smaller, "fun size," but I'm sure it wasn't a woman. |
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