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From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Monica Lewinsky said that president Clinton is so charismatic that after being alone with him for 5 minutes any woman would of done what she did. Which explains why president Clinton scheduled a 4 minute meeting with Janet Reno.
-3.07.00

Bill Bradley didn't do too well in Super Tuesday. According to the polls, Bill Bradley does great with Democrats who make over $100k a year. Do you know what you call Democrats that make over $100 a year? Republicans.
-3.09.00

President Clinton has certified the nation of Columbia as our partner on the war against drugs. I thought Columbia was already our partner on the war on drugs - they make them, we buy them….
-3.13.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
During the Democratic Primary in Arizona, Americans were allowed to vote via the Internet for the first time in history. Not surprisingly, Al Gore lost big-time to Alyssa Milano.
-3.15.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
President Clinton pledged to do something about raising gas prices. In a speech the President said running out of gas should be a make-out ploy, not a reality.
-3.17.00

A lot of world leaders are travelling this time of year. The Pope is in the Holy Land, following the steps of Jesus. President Clinton is in India, where he is following in the footsteps of the Kuma Sutra.
-3.23.00

President Clinton and the National Rifle Association are going at it. The NRA said that Bill Clinton is a man who wants to control every citizen in the United States. Come on, Clinton can't even control himself.
-3.24.00

Have you seen those NRA ads where Charlton Heston is attacking Bill Clinton? It's tough taking sides in an argument between Charlton Heston and president Clinton. On one side you've got a classic actor trained to fake emotion in front of a camera, trained to win you over with a well-rehearsed script. On the other side you've got Charlton Heston.
-3.24.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
Last week president Clinton visited the tomb of Mahatma Ghandi, the Prince of Peace, and praised Ghandi's philosophy of non-violent resistance and said, "Why can't all girls be like that?"
-3.30.00

According to a new study, 5% of people on anti-depressants experience orgasms when they yawn. This means that Al Gore could be responsible for more orgasms than Bill Clinton.
-3.31.00

From The Late Show with David Letterman:
Earlier this week in Washington, the Secret Service arrested a guy in the middle of the night climbing over the fence at the White House. What's odd this is that usually when a guy is climbing over the fence at the White House in the middle of the night, it's Clinton.
-3.31.00

President Clinton said this week that if Hillary wins the Senate race in New York, he has no idea what the duties of the husband of a Senator are. I bet you one thing -- he won't be interviewing interns....
-4.11.00

From The Daily Show:
British Prime Minister Tony Blair's wife is urging her husband to take time off from leading the country with a paternity leave when his fourth child is born. Many critics are saying a "real man" would stop at home and care for the child, though others point out real men are generally not British.
-4.11.00

Janet Reno has ordered that Elian Gonzalez be returned to his father. In a press conference earlier this week, she said that a child needs to be with his father, which is exactly what Woody Allen said to Soon Yi.
-4.13.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
China says they may back out of an agreement to lend 2 giant pandas to the National Zoo in Washington because they say the zoo's facilities are not up to Chinese standards. A Chinese official said, for example, the zoo has no army tanks to crush the pandas if they demonstrate.
-4.14.00

President Clinton said last week that if Hillary wins the Senate race in New York, he has no idea what the duties of the husband of a Senator are. Husband of a senator? He doesn't know what the duties of a regular husband are.
-4.19.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
George W. Bush has been criticizing Gore's environmental book, "Earth in the Balance," and it came out last week that he never even read the book. This is not the first time something like this has happened. The way Bush talks about books he never read, you'll think he was still on drugs he never took.
-4.19.00

Plans are underway now for the $100,000,000 Clinton Presidential Library to be built along the belt of the Arkansas River. Historians say this will be the only Presidential Library in history with a mirror on the ceiling.
-4.20.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last Sunday afternoon, Al Gore spoke at a rally of janitors who are on strike, and Al Gore spoke alternately in English and Spanish. This marks the first time Gore has been simultaneously ignored in two languages.
-4.20.00

According to "USA Today," the average American woman is a size 14. They said over 60,000,000 women in the U.S. are a size between 14 and 24. In fact, when President Clinton heard about this, he immediately ordered a bigger desk.
-4.28.00

This week marks the 52nd anniversary of Norman Mailer's book The Naked and the Dead, which, I think, is the Clinton-Gore story.
-5.03.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, Al Gore and Hillary Clinton appeared at the same fundraiser and their advisors had an argument over who should get to make the longest speech. In the end they decided to give the honor to Hillary because they realized that Gore's speech would seem longer anyway.
-5.03.00

The Republican Party set a fundraising record last Wednesday raising almost $22M in one night. The largest contributors were the tobacco industry and the National Rifle Association. And today, Bush said it has nothing to do with his new campaign slogan: "I'll walk a mile to shoot a Camel."
-5.05.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
George W. Bush said that he's been working with one of his father's foreign policy advisors and Bush says the advisor is able to explain foreign policy in a way he can understand. Apparently, the advisor uses a color-coded map to point out which countries are cowboys and which countries are Indians.
-5.05.00

Political experts said last week that Hillary Clinton has been gaining votes because she's been campaigning in remote regions that are usually ignored by politicians. When asked about this she said she understands what it's like to have a region ignored by a politician.
-5.10.00

Paula Jones is going to be posing nude for Penthouse magazine. Just because Clinton did something wrong, why should we be paying for it?
-5.18.00

President Clinton said that the U.S. trade deal with China will be good for America because China will be a big customer. That's true. China, in fact, is already the largest consumer of American politicians.
-5.24.00

Last week, the Democrats held a huge fundraiser honoring president Clinton and raised $26 million. Performing at the gala were 17 year-old LeAnn Rimes and Stevie Wonder. That shows you how smart Clinton is. He's got a girl that's barely legal and a guy who can't be an eyewitness.
-6.07.00

In the New York Senate Race, the latest polls show a dead heat between Rick Lazio and Hillary Clinton, although Hillary may hold a slight edge. According to the "New York Post," Hillary Clinton is doing extremely well with younger Jewish women - not as well as her husband did, but pretty good.
-6.09.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Mexico, the political party that has ruled for 71 years has started using male strippers to entertain crowds of women voters. Unfortunately for the crowds, the strippers have also been with the party for 71 years.
-6.09.00

The new movie, "Gone in 60 Seconds," opened last Friday. It's all about how long George W. Bush would last on "Jeopardy."
- 6.12.00

From THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO:
According to a new book called "The Scarlet Thread," the author ranks President Kennedy as the fifth most immoral president and Bill Clinton as the number 1 most immoral president. Although President Kennedy had more girlfriends, pound for pound, Clinton was still ahead.
- 6.16.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
On a recent campaign flight, George W. Bush told reporters that he had never heard of Leonardo DiCaprio. Then Bush said that wasn't unusual because he's not familiar with a lot of European leaders....
- 6.23.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
Ralph Nader, who is running for President on the Green Party, had a press conference with Jimmy Hoffa. Apparently, the Teamsters and the Green Party want to get together and form a party that conserves energy by never working.
- 7.06.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
The "London Press" is reporting that Bill Clinton is shopping for a home after his presidency in Oxford, near where he went to school. Two reasons for this. One, he is considering a teaching job in Oxford, and two, it's as far as he can get away from Hillary without having to learn a new language.
- 7.11.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a new report in "USA Today," sexual activity in teenagers has declined over the last 10 years. After hearing this president Clinton called American teens lazy and said when he was a teen he used to have sex barefoot while walking uphill in the snow.
- 7.17.00

This is shaping up to be a pretty exciting election. Gore or Bush - you either get put to sleep or put to death.
- 7.19.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
George W. Bush said that he has narrowed his list of potential running mates down to three people. Bush says that means each one has a 50% chance of being chosen.
- 7.19.00

Last Sunday, George W. Bush said on ABC's "This Week," that for his running mate he will pick someone who will be qualified to be President of the United States. He's lucky, he gets to pick someone who is qualified to be President - we've got to pick between him and Gore.
- 7.20.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to the New York Post, George W. Bush thinks that he will carry New York State during the election because of the "anti-Hillary factor." In response, Al Gore said that's ridiculous because he's hated Hillary longer than Bush has.
- 7.20.00

Everybody is waiting to see who Bush and Gore pick for their vice-presidential running mates. Traditionally, the candidates pick someone who doesn't threaten their abilities, someone who's less appealing, less informed, less charismatic, less dynamic. It's too bad these two can't pick each other.
- 7.24.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Political insiders are saying that George W. Bush has narrowed his list of potential running mates to just a few names. Reportedly, some names have been eliminated because they're either too liberal, too controversial, or too hard for Bush to spell.
- 7.24.00

President Clinton defended Hillary from allegations that she made an anti-Semitic remark. He said she might have called someone a bastard, but not a racial slur. Do you have a feeling that Clinton's drawing from personal experience?
- 7.25.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Al Gore announced that next month when he is in L.A. for the Democratic National Convention, he will not be attending a fundraiser at the Playboy Mansion. Apparently, Gore decided not to go to the Playboy Mansion because he can't afford to be any stiffer than he already is.
- 7.25.00

According to a new book called "State of the Union," back in 1974, Hillary Clinton allegedly made an anti-Semitic remark. Hillary said she has nothing against the Jewish people. In fact, she said some of her husband's best girlfriends have been Jewish.
- 7.27.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
The Senate has proposed and passed the tax cut for marriage. Married people apparently had been paying more in taxes, and Republicans feel that marriage is a penalty in itself.
- 7.27.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
The Senate is having hearings on Napster (to download music). Some of the music industry people are very upset about this. Lars Orick (the drummer from Metallica) said in front of the Senate that downloading Internet music cannot be allowed because it would bankrupt musicians; and that of course, is the job of drugs and agents.
- 7.26.00

Republican candidate George W. Bush has unveiled his new $200 million proposal to promote responsible fatherhood. Bush said if fathers were more responsible in bringing up their children, he wouldn't have to execute so many of them later in life.
- 7.28.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Al Gore is still trying to decide his running mate, and political experts are saying that Gore needs to find a running mate who has more charisma than he has to energize the ticket. In other words, it could be anybody.
- 7.28.00

The Republican National Convention begins this week in Philadelphia. Do you know what the Liberty Bell and George W. Bush have in common? Both of them have a crack problem....
- 7.31.00

During his speech earlier this week at the Republican National Convention, General Colin Powell called for action to reduce the number of people in prison in this country. And George W. Bush responded by saying he's executing them as fast as he can....
- 8.03.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Chelsea Clinton announced that she is postponing her senior year at Stanford University until January so that she can stay with her father during his last months in the White House. In return, the President offered to stay with Chelsea during her last few months in her sorority.
- 8.04.00

The word is that Laura Bush, the wife of Governor George Bush has stopped wearing dark gray suits and can now be seen wearing bright colors for TV appearances. Too bad she can't be seen with a brighter husband....
- 8.08.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
At a political event over the weekend, a woman mooned George W. Bush, and the phrase "Raise the minimum wage" was written on her butt. Not surprisingly, it was in president Clinton's handwriting.
- 8.09.00

From The Late Show with David Letterman:
Because of the Republican Convention last week, everybody in New York had that political fervor you get around convention time. Even the hookers in Time Square were offering their Republican Convention special - for an extra $17.76, they'll give you something called a "Dick Cheney."
- 8.10.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
Al Gore has chosen Senator Joseph Lieberman to be his presidential running mate. And the ticket is working because Bush had a 19 point lead the other day and it's down now to 2. This is the first time in history a Jew has knocked 80% off.
- 8.11.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
As you all know, Al Gore announced that his presidential running mate is Joseph Lieberman. And apparently, he's a very smart guy. It was reported that Senator Joseph Lieberman has written 5 books. After hearing about this, George W. Bush said, "Big deal. Anyone can write 5 books. It's reading 5 books that's hard.
- 8.14.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Reform Party candidate Pat Buchanan nominated a black woman as his running mate. She is the first black woman to be nominated ever as vice-president and the first black woman ever to speak to Pat Buchanan.
- 8.15.00

The Democrats say that unlike the Republican convention, the Democratic convention will focus on "real people." And, what better place to find "real people" than Los Angeles....

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In preparation for her speech at the Los Angeles Democratic convention, Hillary Clinton hired a makeup artist who charges $6,000 a visit. Apparently the makeup artist made her look so different, President Clinton actually hit on her.
- 8.16.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Campaign Aides to Al Gore say that Gore has insisted on writing his entire nomination speech by himself. Which is fine with them as long as Gore lets someone else deliver it.
- 8.17.00

Al Gore said during his acceptance speech last week [at the Democratic National Convention] that he couldn't possibly thank by name all those responsible for getting him where he is today. Why sure, those Chinese names are hard to pronounce.
- 8.21.00

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher:
Al Gore made a good speech last week at the Convention. He tried to come across as a regular guy. He said he's no different than most Americans who work hard, pay their taxes, and hate their boss.
- 8.21.00

In Atlanta, Georgia, one of the largest condom manufacturers in the world closed its doors last week. If that isn't proof that this is the end of the Clinton era, I don't know what is.
- 8.22.00

From The Late Show with David Letterman:
In Washington, Joe Lieberman is known as the moral conscience of the Senate. So, you know those folks are glad he's leaving.
- 8.22.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
President Clinton went to McDonald's and the 18 year-old woman who waited on the President refused to charge him for his sandwich. She told the President not to worry about it because she'll make the money back when she files a sexual harassment suit against him.
- 8.23.00

George W. Bush said that if he's elected, he will spend $5 billion to teach kids to read by the 3rd grade. Of course, the good news is here in California we already have a billion-dollar plan to teach 3rd graders to read. We call it the 12th grade.
- 8.25.00

Al Gore has been accused of polling voters and using the results of that poll to write his policy statement. Gore shot back and said he pays no attention to the polls and neither do 73.8% of the American people.
- 9.19.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It was reported that George W. Bush is going to make an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Apparently, George W. agreed to appear on the condition that Oprah wouldn't make him read any books.
- 9.20.00

Nancy Reagan has published a book that contains many of her husband's, Ronald Reagan, love letters. Hillary Clinton is planning a similar book of Clinton's love notes. In fact, she's collected over a hundred from 30 different women....
- 9.21.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Al Gore and George W. Bush still cannot come to an agreement as to the format of their debates. Apparently, the latest is that Gore wants the debate to be 90 minutes long and George W. keeps saying no way, he wants it to be one hour and 30 minutes.
- 9.21.00

Some Bulgarian weightlifters were sent home from the Olympics and their medals were taken. George W. Bush said he sympathizes with them because like them he doesn't speak English very well and has trouble with drug use....
- 9.28.00

The election is 6 to 7 weeks away. Is anybody happy about the candidates? We've got Gore, Bush, Nader, Buchanan. This is like trying to find a good piece of fruit at 7-Eleven....
- 10.03.00

Yesterday they had the Presidential Debates. The local NBC station had the option to either carry the debates or the playoff baseball game. So, you want to watch guys lying or guys stealing?
- 10.04.00

A lot of people think that George W. Bush isn't smart enough for the job [of President]. Yesterday they asked him about RU486 and he thought it was a character from "Star Wars."
- 10.04.00

During the Presidential debates earlier this week, George W. Bush said that he was Pro-Life. Boy, I bet it got a big laugh from all the guys in Texas on death row.
- 10.06.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
During the Presidential debates, George W. Bush accused Al Gore of using phony numbers. It wasn't until after the debate that someone explained to Bush that billions and trillions are real numbers.
- 10.06.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
During the vice-presidential debates last week, both candidates, Joe Leiberman and Dick Cheney, went way out of their way not to alienate gay voters. In fact, for most of the debate, the two of them were holding hands.
- 10.09.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview in the "New Yorker," president Clinton actually said being acquitted in his impeachment trial was one of the highlights of his administration. President Clinton went on to say that, of course, that was a direct result of the real highlight of his administration....
- 10.12.00

Both the presidential candidates say they are going after the education vote. Al Gore says he wants to reduce class size to maybe 19 or 20 students, and Bush said today that that's not good enough. Bush said he would not rest until he could reduce class size to zero....
- 10.16.00

During the debates last week, Bush came out against gay marriage. Gore is a little more liberal. Gore says he thinks that we should have some sort of civic union between people; a union where two people could be together in the eyes of the law, even though it's not really a marriage. Kind of like what the Clinton's have now....
- 10.16.00

During the debates last week, Bush brought up the phrase, "brownfield," which are abandoned, industrial sites that just sit idly in some of our urban centers. Out here we call them Planet Hollywood.
- 10.17.00

Any of you ever notice that the presidential debates are like a fashion show? Bush has the brains of a supermodel and Gore's got the make-up of one....
- 10.18.00

According to the current issue of "Marie Claire" magazine, 62% of women say they would rather kiss Al Gore than George W. Bush. Just remember that if you do kiss these guys, you're not just kissing a politician, you're also kissing the butt of everyone they've kissed in the last 7 years....
- 10.23.00

Bush is continuing to campaign across the country telling people about his tough education standards in Texas. Under his plan, every 6th grader will read at a 3rd grade level by the time they're in the 9th grade.
- 10.24.00

Happy birthday to First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton; she turned 53 last Wednesday. Did you see who was on stage at Hillary's birthday party in New York? Robert DeNiro and Bill Clinton - two of the greatest actors of our time....
- 10.30.00

Nickolodeon did a survey asking kids who they would vote for president, and they picked Bush over Gore. Like real voters there was a gender gap. Boys tended to vote for Bush because he once owned a sports team. The girls tended to vote for Gore because he likes to play with makeup....
- 10.31.00

Potential First Lady Laura Bush and Lynn Cheney ended their "W Stands for Women" tour last week. They've been touring a bus all around the country for a week courting women voters, saying that the "W" in George W. Bush's name stands for women - as opposed to back in the 70s when it stood for wasted.
- 10.31.00

Because this is an election year, a lot of people dressed up as Al Gore or George Bush. More people dressed up as George Bush, not for political reasons -- it's just a lot of kids can't afford all the make-up it takes to be Al Gore.
- 11.02.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
On the campaign trail, 20 journalists surprised George W. Bush by wearing George W. Bush masks. After seeing them, a confused George W. said, "Wait a minute, which one of them is me?"
- 11.06.00

Today's the big day. Every 4 years remove one president, install another. Kind of like changing the kitty litter....
- 11.07.00

George Bush told Fox News that he is very confident. He says he's going to win California. Well, that could just be the whisky talking....
- 11.07.00

Turns out presidential running mate Dick Cheney had TWO drunk driving arrests in his past. That's why Bush picked him. He's not just a running mate, he's a drinking buddy.
- 11.07.00

Conan O'Brien Election Bonus:
Last week, Joe Lieberman surprised his mom by showing up at her birthday party in Florida. Meanwhile, George W. Bush surprised his mom by spelling Mississippi correctly.
- 11.07.00

President Clinton says in this month's "Esquire" that he wants the Republicans who spoke against him during the impeachment to apologize to him. But the Republicans today said those were oral insults, and under Clinton's logic, an oral insult is not really an insult.
- 11.08.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a recent interview, President Clinton said that the Republican Party should apologize for the Monica Lewinsky scandal. That's right. It's all part of an interview that appears in this month's "Lost Touch with Reality" magazine.
- 11.08.00

Looks like Gore won the popular vote, and George Bush won the Electoral College. Who would've believed that? Gore is the popular one and Bush is the one doing well in college.
- 11.13.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Al Gore's campaign manager is now asking for the ballots in four Florida districts to be counted by hand. And George W. Bush said that'll never work - what happens when you run out of fingers...?
- 11.13.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last Friday afternoon, Vice President Al Gore played touch football with his wife Tipper and other members of his family. Gore scored more points than anyone else, but somehow he still lost.
- 11.13.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
They're still counting votes, and not just Florida. They're counting in New Mexico, and at the moment Al Gore is leading by only 375 votes. If it ends up a tie, their state law says that the winner is decided by drawing straws or playing a hand of poker. This is according to New Mexico's attorney general, Pete Rose.
- 11.17.00

The people of Florida are making the best of the [hand count] situation. Hookers in florida have introduced a new special, for $20 they'll give you a hand count....
- 11.17.00

Did you see Al Gore on TV the other night? They make him seem like a regular guy. For example, he gives his speech from the living room of the vice-presidential mansion. He’s standing in front of a fireplace, there’s a mantle behind him, and on the mantle family photos of him and the children. Then they pull back and there’s a podium. Now, who has a podium in their living room?
- 11.22.00

To his credit, Governor George W. Bush not letting the setback stop his transition. For example, today he was briefed on the plight of children in foreign countries. Actually, he just went to see "Rugrats in Paris."
- 11.24.00President Clinton was on TV last Thanksgiving Thursday, and thanked the American people for letting him live out his dream. Then he thanked Hillary for just letting him live.
- 11.27.00

Today Al Gore had hundreds of letters kids wrote to Santa Claus thrown out because of invalid postmarks.
- 11.27.00

Vice-Presidential candidate Dick Cheney is doing fine. Cheney checked himself into the hospital last week after he noticed he was having minor chest pains. He knew it wasn't serious because since he's a Republican, the heart is not a vital organ.
- 11.28.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The first Thanksgiving was back in 1621 when the Pilgrims shared a feast with Native Americans. And apparently the next year, the Indians had the Pilgrims over to try the all-you-can-eat buffet at their new casino.
- 11.28.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a brief submitted to the Supreme Court, Al Gore lawyers have said that George W. Bush's arguments on the Presidential election are insubstantial. George W. Bush denied this and said his arguments aren't insubstantial, they're in English.
- 12.01.00

The latest rumor is that when President Clinton leaves office he’s going to run for mayor of New York City. Instead of the "City that Never Sleeps," it’ll be the "City that Never Sleeps Alone."
- 12.04.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In an interview last week, Al Gore said his chances of winning the election is 50-50. Meanwhile, George W. Bush said his chances of winning the election is 70-50.
- 12.04.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Dick Cheney says that George W. Bush plans on emphasizing diversity in his administration. They’re going to hire white guys from all parts of Texas.
- 12.06.00

An Al Gore spokesman said that they are going to the Courts, and that will bring it to an end. Only in politics do you go to the Courts to speed things up….
- 12.07.00

Dick Cheney’s cardiologist said that although his [Cheney’s] heart function is not normal, his health is excellent. What does that mean? See, for Republicans, your heart is considered a secondary organ.
- 12.07.00

Over the weekend in a game against Washington, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman suffered his 10th concussion of his career. 10 concussions down there in Texas. 2 more and they make you Governor.
- 12.13.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to a famous astrologer in Washington, D.C., the next President of the United States will be Al Gore. Originally the astrologer said George W. Bush, but Gore demanded she recount her taro cards.
- 12.14.00

Al Gore gave a speech earlier this week conceding the Presidency. A lot of people said that he should've bowed out sooner. That's where he and Bill Clinton differ - Clinton knows when he's been licked.
- 12.15.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Al Gore apparently went to bed a few nights ago without telling his aides whether he would concede, and reportedly he thought about the decision all night long. In fact, they said the only way Al Gore could finally sleep was by recounting sheep....
- 12.15.00

A lot of people felt that Al Gore's biggest mistake was looking unnatural in the debates and telling those exaggerated stories. So, basically too much make-up and trying to make up too much.
- 12.15.00

Last week, Gore referred to Bush as the president-elect and said, "He would be my president, too." You get the feeling that when Gore refers to Bush as "my president," it's with the same feeling when Hillary refers to Bill as "my husband"?
- 12.18.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week at a church service attended by George W. Bush, a minister speaking compared George W. to Moses. Not because George W. has been chosen the leader of his people, but because like Moses, he was lost for 40 years.
- 12.18.00

President-elect Bush said he would use the military experience he learned in the National Guard to help him as president. So I guess that means he'll be Commander-in-Chief one weekend a month and then two weeks in the summer....
- 12.19.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In his speech last week, Al Gore said that he has no idea what he's going to do next. Not surprisingly, during his speech, George W. Bush said the same thing.
- 12.19.00

Well, finally the courts in Florida can now go back to what they do best - sentencing Daryl Strawberry.
- 12.19.00

In an interview with "Rolling Stone" magazine, President Clinton says he is looking forward to flying commercial again instead of flying Air Force One. You know why? Flight attendants.
- 12.20.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
George W. Bush said that he's looking forward to working with Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton. Fortunately, Hillary is used to being lied to by the President.
- 12.20.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Hillary Clinton has been offered $8M to write her memoirs. Not only that, president Clinton has offered her $10M not to write them.
- 12.22.00

There was an article last week in "USA Today" about George W. Bush's body language. They say when he's annoyed he narrows his eyes, when he's tired his face sags a bit, when he's happy, he lifts his shoulders and tilts his head a little bit. It didn't say what he does when he's deep in thought because apparently that hasn't happened yet.
- 12.26.00

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
George W. Bush will probably select New Jersey governor Christy Todd Whitman to head the Environmental Protection Agency. Governor Whitman said if she gets the job to protect the environment, the first thing she'll do is close down New Jersey.
- 12.26.00

I was reading an interview in one of the magazines last week about George W. Bush. His bedtime is 9.30, his favorite food is peanut butter and jelly. He still calls his father, "Daddy"; last week he was packing up his personal baseball collection to take with him to the White House, and he just got a puppy. Sounds like we just elected the president of the 3rd grade....
- 12.28.00

George W. Bush is on vacation in Florida. They showed him on the news playing golf. I guess he likes golf, because it's like the election - lowest score wins....
- 12.28.00

According to the Drudge Report, NBC is in discussions with President Clinton about developing his own talk show for the network. The show will be something like "Meet the Press," except for Clinton it'll be something called, "Press the Meat"....
- 12.29.00

 
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