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A doctor on TV said the reason Bush choked on a pretzel is because he has lower than average blood pressure. Can't this guy ace one test in his life? All his numbers are lower than average: SATs, GPAs, and now his blood pressure…. A few days ago on NBC, Tom Brokaw went behind the scenes at the White House and followed President Bush around with a camera crew. The show was called "The Real West Wing." Next week NBC adding a bag of pretzels and calling it "White House Fear Factor." From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Gary Condit, who is back in the news because he is running for reelection, is still claiming he didn't realize how the media would handle this. He said on "Larry King" that he had no idea what happened to Chandra Levy, he didn't know there would be all this attention on his case, he had no idea the media would go crazy. Here's the amazing part - this guy's on the Intelligence committee. Happy birthday to Chelsea Clinton; 22 years-old last week. She and her father spent the day together. I guess he took her shopping then they went to dinner. He got all the waitresses to sing happy birthday to her - and you know, they don't usually do that at Hooters…. Although he's pleading poverty, former Enron president Kenneth Lay reportedly still owns ten houses wroth more than $20 million. And, that's not even counting the House of Representatives which he bought last year…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Arafat has been sleeping on the floor in his office with his closest aids. He's the first leader to do that since Clinton. The Mexican senate has denied President Vicente Fox permission to travel to the United States, ironically, making him the only person in Mexico who can't get across the border. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: NBC announced last week a very special episode of "West Wing" April 24th featuring 3 former Presidents; Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford, and Bill Clinton. How it works is that Jimmy Carter is building the sets, Gerald Ford is the stunt man, and Bill Clinton is auditioning the talent. It was Earthday this past Monday, and to help celebrate, President Bush planted some seeds. That's the difference between Bush and Clinton. Clinton was a much bigger environmentalist; he didn't just plant his seed once a day, he planted his seed everday…. California governor Gray Davis is returning a $10,000 campaign contribution when he found out it was from the owners of a strip club. He's giving the money back, and to his credit he is going to return it to the girls one dollar at a time. Vice-president Dick Cheney has been on crutches for the last couple of days because he says his foot on the corner of a table and hurt his Achilles' tendon. Here's what I don't understand about this administration: it survived a massive terrorists attack, it's fighting a war on a couple of fronts, but somehow salted pretzels and sharp corners almost bring it to total shutdown. Last week, President Bush was supposed to have a 2-hour meeting with Saudi Arabia's Prince Abdula, but the meeting winded up stretching on for 5 hours. The meeting took a long time because they had to translate from Arabic to English, and then from English to Bush. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Former President Jimmy Carter's in Cuba right now visiting with Fidel Castro. Do you see Carter and Castro meeting together, dining together? The last time a U.S. president embraced a Cuban like that - he got impeached. Last week the White House admitted that president Bush was warned last summer that Al Qaeda may have been planning hijackings in the U.S. Of course, now Congress demanding answers. They want to know what did George Bush know and when Dick Cheney explain it to him. They're starting to go after the President about September 11. Senator Joe Lieberman said as far as these hijacking threats are concerned, somebody should've put two and two together. Put two and two together? That eliminates Bush right there. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Earlier this week, we had an eclipse of the sun. at one point, 75% of the sun was covered. Afterwards, Bush said this proves that solar power is unreliable. A startling expose in this week's "U.S News and World Report." It seems our elite Secret Service counter assault team has been watching pornography on the White House satellite system instead of watching President Bush. That's the great thing about Clinton. When he was in Office, they could do both. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: "U.S News and World Report" says that Baylor University in Texas wants to be the new home of the George Bush Presidential Library. They say that they plan to have a complete collection of all the memos and FBI warnings that Bush didn't read. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: President Bush said he was not worried about that plane that accidentally entered into White House air space last week. He said the guy was obviously confused, the man was disoriented and somehow found himself in the White House, just like Bush. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: "New York Times" reporting that president Bush now has a formal plan to invade Iraq. They say the key to this plan is timing. The article says the attack will begin the minute president Bush's popularity falls below 52%. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Last week, by a vote of 420 to 1, the House voted to expel Congressman James Traficant. Traficant was convicted for bribery, extortion, and tax evasion - or as Congress calls it, the Triple Crown. Last week, the State Department released a list of gifts that George W. Bush has received since becoming president. His first gift? The election. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, President Clinton may be seeing a counselor. In fact, he's also seeing a cocktail waitress, a nightclub singer, 2 flight attendants…. Counter-terrorism experts are now saying that Osama Bin Laden may be hiding secret messages in pornographic websites. You know what that means? Clinton could find this guy before Bush does. President Bush visited those rescued coal miners in Pittsburgh and Bush really connected with the men; he's good at that kind of stuff. He told them he knows what it's like to go to work everyday and be totally in the dark. The gun turret of the U.S. Civil War battleship the U.S.S. Monitor was recovered this week. It's been down there for something like 150 years, but the rest of the ship will remain on the floor of the Atlantic. And today, President Bush said he was saddened to hear that there were no survivors. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: President Bush returned from vacation in Texas on his huge 1,600 acre ranch. Bush said there's still parts of the ranch he's never ever been to, like the library, the study, the reading room…. President Bush said he is committed to the end of global warming, or as he calls it, winter. Former president Bill Clinton has been meeting with CBS about hosting his own syndicated talk show. A spokesman for Clinton says that Clinton is listening to offers but has not turned anyone down. Sounds kind of like his sex life. President Bush said that Saddam Hussein's policy is to deceive, delay, and deny. Which is weird because that was my girlfriend's policy in high school. More problems from that tropical storm Isidor, seems several tornadoes have spun out of it, touched down in Florida, and just made a mess of the place. People say it looked like an election just happened down there. The Bush Administration said there is a lot of support out there for us to attack Iraq. A lot of people are for us - Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron…. A new outbreak of smallpox has a lot of people concerned. President Bush said we have to stop this before it becomes big pox. A California congressman was reporting back on his trip from Baghdad. He said that almost no one spoke English, poison gas filled the sky, and he saw people firing guns in the street - and that was on the way to the L.A. airport…. President Bush addressed the nation and said when it comes to Iraq, we can't wait for final proof. Which, of course, is the same thing he said in Florida during the presidential election. President Bush also said the time for denying, deceiving, and delaying has come to an end, and today Martha Stewart told him to mind his own business. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: In Ohio, some people went to the polls to reelect disgraced Congressman James Traficant, even though he's currently in prison. Actually, when you think about it, jail isn't much different from Congress. Both of you serve a term, all expenses are paid by taxpayers, and you're surrounded by fellow crooks. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, William Renquist, is recovering from surgery to repair a torn tendon in his knee. The doctor said he's been leaning to the right so many years, his knee just snapped. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Senator Majority Leader Trent Lott in a lot of trouble for saying America would be better off if it elected pro-segregation candidate Strum Thurman back in 1948. He says he would apologize to both blacks and whites separately but equally. NBC got huge ratings from Al Gore's appearance on "Saturday Night Live." Ratings were high in New York, high in California, high in Texas; Florida's still counting…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A senate recording studio workers is in a lot of trouble for dubbing a porno movie at work and accidentally showing it on the senate TV station. Half the senators were disgusted and the other half were relieved they weren't in it. |
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