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NASA recently announced plans to establish a manned base on the moon. President Bush suggested that we waited for a full moon so that there would be more places to land.
- 01.05.07

In her first press conference after her trip overseas, Hillary Clinton said she thinks we may need to send more men to Afghanistan. The men she wants to send are John Edwards and Barack Obama.
- 01.23.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, the Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he’s planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson because hardly anything rhymes with Barack Obama.
- 01.23.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Former president Bush said he’s planning on celebrating his 85th birthday by jumping out of a plane. So, for a few minutes, there will be two George Bush’s in freefall.
- 01.25.07

Hillary Clinton is hard out on the campaign trail. Hillary is expected to attract the woman vote and Bill is expected to attract the other woman vote.
- 02.07.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually, the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they weren’t deciphered until this week.
- 02.07.07

Congratulations to vice-president Al Gore, who has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Luckily for Gore, Florida does not vote in this one.
- 02.09.07

President Bush announced last week that he will leave on a tour for Latin America. His first stop – Los Angeles.
- 02.14.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The White House recently announced that president Bush is planning a trip to Mexico in March. President Bush says he looks forward to celebrating Cinco de Marcho.
- 02.14.07

The famous designer Donatello Versace has recommended that Hillary Clinton stop wearing those pants suits and start wearing dresses and skirts. Versace said Hillary should treat femininity as an opportunity – like the way Bill does….
- 02.15.07

There are now 25 politicians who have announced they are running for President of the United States and fifteen of them also claim to be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.
- 02.16.07

Presidential candidate Barack Obama said that he is going to quit smoking, which is good news for Hillary Clinton. Now that he’s breathing down her neck, she won’t have to worry about second hand smoke.
- 02.22.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The latest political rumor is that if Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, she will be replaced in the senate by her husband, Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said he dreams about replacing Hillary everyday.
- 02.22.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reed that the Iraq War is “The worst foreign policy mistake in US history.” The White House said that you have to realize that president Bush still has two more years in office.
- 02.27.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
President Bush flew to North Carolina last week to discuss ideas for cutting gas consumption. The best idea was for Bush to not fly Air Force One to North Carolina.
- 02.28.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama have been sniping at each other back and forth. The good news for Obama is that all this bickering with Hillary is making him look presidential.
- 03.02.07

Presidential candidate Tom Vilsack announced last month that he dropped out of the presidential race. Experts say it’s because he failed to attract a very important demographic group when you’re running for president – people.
- 03.19.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
President Bush celebrated St. Patrick’s Day by saluting prominent Irish-Americans. Bush praised Sandra O’ Connor, Tip O’Neal, and Barack Obama….
- 03.19.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Hooters announced it’s opening its first restaurant in the Holy Land. After hearing this, president Clinton said as long as he’s concerned, Hooters is the Holy Land.
- 03.22.07

A state senator in Florida wants to ban the term “illegal alien” because she says it’s offensive. She wants to replace it with something more sensitive, like “Mexican Explorer.”
- 03.26.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
During a recent campaign speech, Barack Obama complimented his opponent John Edwards by calling him, “Kind of cute.” Then he said that Hillary Clinton has a really great personality.
- 03.26.07

Al Gore recently told Congress that in the future our energy resources would work similar to how the Internet works today. Really? So our cars would run on porn?
- 04.05.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
At a Washington museum, a new exhibit is about to open that features a first grade report card of president Bush’s where he received straight A’s. This sounds impressive, but president Bush was 23 at the time.
- 04.05.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to appear on the show, “Pimp My Ride.” This is great news for fans of the show but bad news for the guy who does its closed captioning.
- 04.18.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Republican congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president, but in his official filing, he misspelled the word, “President.” Political experts say it’s all part of Hunter’s plan to attract Bush supporters.
- 04.19.07

John Kerry says he has not ruled out running for president again. The voters have ruled it out…but he has not.
- 04.24.07

Laura Bush said in a recent interview that she can’t fall asleep without reading; opposed to her husband, who can’t read without falling asleep.
- 04.24.07

A new study says that heart disease is related to erectile dysfunction. No wonder Dick Cheney is so grumpy all the time.
- 05.03.07

At a recent Republican debate held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, president Bush’s name was mentioned only once during the entire debate. But, to be fair, you don’t often hear Bush’s name mentioned in libraries.
- 05.15.07

(more on the debate….)
In California, the first Republican debate was held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and the candidates tried to distance themselves from president Bush. And, the first step to distancing yourself from president Bush is appearing at a library….
- 05.15.07

In a recent speech before a church group, San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsome said he was going to make San Francisco a sanctuary for illegal immigrants who go there and not worry about being departed to their home country – Los Angeles.
- 05.18.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
A group of Republican congressmen asked president Bush what his Plan “B” is if the current Iraq plan doesn’t work. The Plan “B” discussion was difficult for president Bush because it concerns two areas in which he is extremely vulnerable – Iraq and the alphabet.
- 05.18.07

Porno star Jenna Jameson has officially endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. So, looks like Bill Clinton already calling in all the favors.
- 05.21.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week at the White House, president Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair held their last joint press conference. President Bush says he’s really going to miss listening to Blaire because when he closes his eyes, Blair sounds just like C-3PO.
- 05.21.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The wife of former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevy is suing him because she says he hid his homosexuality from her. McGreevy’s wife should have caught on because he hid his sexuality inside his collection of Cher memorabilia.
- 06.11.07

Joint Chiefs of Staff Peter Pace leaving his job – he was the one who announced all homosexual acts are immoral and so is adultery. No wonder he left – he attacked all members of Congress.
- 06.12.07

President Bush recently returned from Albany, where he is so popular they named a street after him. It’s a dead end street….
- 07.19.07

Former president Clinton about to publish a new book called, “Giving.” Giving? Shouldn’t it be called, “Getting”?
- 07.19.07

According to a recent issue of “Sports Illustrated,” Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice has become a golf nut. The only sand trap she can’t get out of – Iraq.
- 07.23.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In a speech about foreign policy, Rudy Giuliani said that America needs to focus more on Pakistan. Giuliani says he know more about Pakistan than the other candidates because he spends so much time in New York cabs.
- 07.23.07

President Bush recently underwent a colonoscopy. White House spokesman Scott Stanzel said during the procedure, president Bush was asleep but responsive. So...how is that different than any other day?
- 07.30.07

The other day at the US/Mexican border, three illegal aliens were discovered under the hood of a Ford pick up truck crouched around the engine. When president Bush heard about this, he said we don’t call them Engines anymore – they’re Native Americans.
- 07.30.07

The richest presidential candidate appears to be Republican Mitt Romney from Massachusetts; he’s worth over $300 million. He is so rich even his butler is Republican.
- 08.08.07

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Former Arkansas state representative Jim Bob Duggard and his wife had their 17th child and right after he and his wife said they wanted more kids. Another Republican with no plans to pull out.
- 08.08.07

 
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