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According to the “Washington Post,” during his 8 years in office, president Bush logged 2,496 hours on the treadmill, elliptical machine, mountain bike…and another 15 minutes working on the economy. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: President-elect Barack Obama announced his choice of Karen Mills to head up the Small Business Administration. This is very important, because small businesses now include General Motors, Chrysler, Ford, satellite radio…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Earlier last week, all the email service at the White House completely collapsed, gone. So, I guess they run on Windows Vista, too. According to the “New York Times,” president Obama having a more relaxed White House dress code than the Bush Administration – although not nearly as relaxed a dress code as the Clinton Administration…. Tom Daschle withdrew his name to be in Obama’s cabinet due to IRS problems. Daschle said his problems with the IRS were unintentional. Of course they were unintentional – he never intended to get caught. Apparently, I guess they think IRS stands for I’m Really Sorry…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Last week, Barack Obama held his first press conference as President of the United States. His press conferences are very different than George Bush press conferences in many ways: there were verbs, there were syllables, there were complete sentences…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Just a few days after being nominated, New Hampshire senator Judd Gregg has withdrawn as the nominee for Commerce Secretary. In a statement explaining why he turned it down, he cited, “Irresolvable conflicts.” So apparently, he must’ve paid his taxes. Down in Louisiana, there’s a porn star named Stormy Daniels who announced that before she commits to running for U.S. senate against David Vitter, she’s going on a statewide listening tour. She said, “I may be a slut and a whore, but I’m not a criminal.” This is why she will never win: in the Senate, you have to be all three. From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Over the weekend, in Washington, DC, First Lady Michelle Obama was at a homeless shelter serving food to the homeless. Isn’t that nice? Reaching out to the middle class…. President Obama got some good news today: it seems so many of his Cabinet appointees have been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets a finder’s fee from the IRS. From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: It is now officially confirmed that Bristol Palin has broken off her engagement to Levi Johnson, the father of her child. The relationship never evolved because they don’t believe in evolution. (more on Bristol Palin break-up…) (even more on Bristol Palin break-up…) During this week’s prime-time address, President Obama announced a major faith-based program: his budget. President Obama has made his prediction for the Final Four. The only ones left standing after the week are Citigroup, Chase, Bank of America, and Morgan Stanley. From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Earlier this week, the Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. Last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months, and even then, he needed to promise her a job as Secretary of State. From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: In Philadelphia, a government program offering a $10,000 tax credit for any business hiring an ex-convict had no takers. In fact, do you know the way most ex-cons actually get jobs? They get re-elected. Despite Governor Rick Perry talking about how Texas could secede from the union if it wanted to, 75% of the people that live there say they want to stay in the United States. Well, of course they want to stay. After spending all the time and effort sneaking across the border to get here, why would they want to leave? President Obama spoke on the phone last weekend for 20 minutes with Mexican President Calderon on how to cooperate to fight this swine flu thing. Afterwards, he said the people of America and Mexico have found common ground: I believe it’s called Los Angeles. Thousands of women in Kenya have vowed to withhold sex until their nation’s leaders stop their bickering. The women in Kenya said they got the idea to withhold sex after a recent visit from Hillary Clinton. From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Government bureaucrats in China have been ordered to smoke more locally produced cigarettes in order to set an example for citizens and stimulate the local Chinese industry. And health officials are worried that cigarette smoking may become the number one cause of death now because of this government mandate. In fact, do you know what the number one cause of death in China is now? Disobeying a government mandate. President Obama and former Vice-President Dick Cheney gave dueling speeches on national security this week. Obama and Cheney have very different points of view on this subject. If you listen to both of them, you kind of have to choose between Barack and a heartless place…. From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: From Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: |
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