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Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new British study, women who end up with unplanned pregnancies have better social lives which is probably how they got pregnant in the first place. Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: In Indiana, to cut down on the Gypsy moth population, crews sprinkled the trees with flakes that smell like female moths. The idea is that the male moths will spend so much time and energy looking for non-existent females that they die. Kind of like Happy Hour at TGI Fridays. According to a new book called "Faster" (a book about the American way of life) the average American man spends 4-minutes a day having sex. I don't want to brag, but I've been known to do it under 2. A new survey asked 50 women what they thought they would do if they had a male sex organ for a day. That's the best part about being a guy, when you have a male sex organ it does all your thinking for you. In Tacoma, Washington, a 7 year-old boy took his sister's car in the middle of the night and drove it 3 miles looking for a box of Cheerios. That's not unusual. How many guys drive around at night looking for Trix…? In an effort to get 2 pandas to mate scientists in Beijing, China are showing tem videotapes of other pandas having sex - panda porn. It doesn't seem to be working out - they're not having sex, but the male panda has learned to fast forward to the really good parts. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: CNN is reporting that in an effort to shed its old image the milk industry will entice customers with new plastic jugs. Actually, Hollywood has been doing that for years. A Lafayette, Indiana exotic dancer has been taken to court after neighbors complained she was practicing her striptease routine with a pole in the front yard of her house. One of the neighbors videotaped the whole routine as evidence. At least that's what he told his wife. According to a recent study, teenage girls that drink are more sexually active. Apparently, this was a study funded by teenage boys. Last week Microsoft launched its Pocket PC, although the slogan is bad: "I've got something Microsoft in my pocket." According to Men's Fitness magazine, the average man burns 61 calories during 30 minutes of foreplay. Let me tell you something. If he's having 30 minutes of foreplay, he's not the average guy. According to a new British study, sex before a race is good for marathon runners. Who didn't know that? After sex with a woman, don't most guys say, "Sorry, gotta run"? According to another study, most women in this country are wearing the wrong size bra. That's why men are always trying to get women to take them off -- we don't want you to get hurt. According to a recent study, 28% of all men sad they've had at least 16 sex partners: 9 on the phone, 6 on the computer, and 1 inflatable. An elementary school teacher in Lexington, KY has pleaded guilty to moonlighting as a prostitute. Brings new meaning to the phrase, "Boy, are my teachers easy." From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The latest issue of "Newsweek" magazine is all about women and sex. Researchers are working now to unlock the mystery behind female sexual desire. The only thing they know so far: it involves eating and really expensive restaurants. According to a new study, single men have sex on the average of 21 minutes per session, while married guys only have sex for 14 minutes. No wonder women don't like dating married men. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are her eyes. Guys always take a quick look at her eyes to make sure she doesn't catch you looking at her boobs. A teacher in Lexington, KY has been convicted of moonlighted as a prostitute. By day, you can be teacher's pet, and at night, for $60 you can pet the teacher. 22% of women say they wait till they've dated a guy for a few months before going to bed with them. In the meantime, the guys are dating the other 78% of them. A San Diego airline is offering a deal where for $500, they'll take a couple on a one hour flight so that they can join the "Mile High Club." I think it's cool to be able to make love on an airplane. It gives the average American an idea of what it's like to fly in Air Force One. The latest rumor from the new show, "Survivor," where they dump people on a tropical island and they have to survive by eating whatever they can find, is that one of the couples on the show has already had sex. This really sets it apart from the other game shows like "Jeopardy," where the contestants never have sex. From The Late Show with David Letterman: A 59 year-old guy in North Carolina was arrested for having sex with his pig. He said on the news that he would've gotten away with it, but the pig squealed. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to "Bride" magazine, they say women who are engaged have sex on an average of 2.9 times a week, and they said the .9 was really frustrating.... From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new survey in the L.A. Times, 14% of men have been on the receiving end of sex while driving a car. The remaining 86% didn't drive a Porsche. The government says there was a big increase in gonorrhea in 1998, with Mississippi having the highest. Gives new meaning to the term, "Mississippi Burning." According to a new study, Southerners are much more likely to have sex on their wedding night than other people. That makes sense - you're always going to be more comfortable with a relative. Police say a 37 year-old female middle school teacher in Rockville, Maryland has been arrested, and she admitted to having sex with a 12 year-old student four times. She said it was part of a math test to see how many times 12 goes into 37. More news on the Rockville, Maryland teacher who was having sex with one of her students. She's 37, he's 12. A 25 year age difference; or as we call it here in L.A., a 2nd marriage. Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: In Mexico, Viagra is 80% cheaper than it is here in the United States. Talk about getting more bang for your buck. Over the past few years, scientists at Heinz say they've been developing what they say is a revolutionary new kind of baby bottle. It's a baby bottle actually shaped like a woman's breasts. If that's true, forget baby bottles, make beer bottles. A California judge has awarded former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith $450 million from her late husband's estate. They married when he was 89 and she was 26, and he died a year later. You know what he died of? Silicon poisoning. Every day in court last week, Anna Nicole-Smith has been giving new details about her marriage to the 90 year-old late billionaire. She said he liked to have sex with her on top, or as she called it, "Sitting on a Gold Mine." According to the FTC, pornography sites are tricking web surfers into visiting these porno websites and then fixing it so they can't leave the porno website - at least that's the story I'm sticking with. It's official: Paula Jones will appear naked in the December issue of "Penthouse" magazine. Well, this could turn 13 year-old boys off sex forever.... A Tennessee woman is suing McDonald's for $110,000 after a hot pickle allegedly fell out of the bun, on to her chin, and gave her a scar. And now, her husband is suing McDonald's for $15,000 for "lost of his wife's services." Because of this, she's told her husband to hold the pickles. Several female environmentalists in California are protesting the logging industry by holding a topless prayer vigil. It started off okay, but by late afternoon their enthusiasm had started to sag. A man by the name of Mike Trout, one of the top officials in the conservative Christian group "Focus on the Family," has resigned because he had an extramarital affair. Apparently, he was focusing on the wrong family. Women environmentalists in upstate California are protesting the cutting down and logging of trees by protesting topless. Pretty effective too, especially the chant, "Save the trees, look at these." This week New York governor George Pataki signed a law making sodomy legal in New York state. That is not an easy law to get passed. He had to get behind it and push it through.... The new issue of "Bride" magazine has an article titled, "10 Sexy Ways to Surprise Your New Husband on Your Wedding Night." Tip #1: Bring a friend. This past Saturday was the 154th anniversary of the Donner party. In 1846, the Donner party left for California, got stuck in the mountains, and wound up engaging in cannibalism. Here's the amazing part: before they ate each other, they past 3 Denny's restaurants. Oscar DeLaHoya says he goes without sex for 3 weeks before a fight. That's just the opposite of married guys - after a fight, we get no sex for 3 weeks. Scientists say that a woman's egg has the least chance of being fertilized in the fall. Well, duh, it's football season.... According to the Office of Sexual Behavior, some people have sex when they're asleep. I think these researchers misunderstood what these women were saying during the interview. Like when they asked women if guys always made sure they had an orgasm, I think the women said, "Oh sure, in my dreams." I'm watching "Fashion with Elsa Klensch," and she says this year cleavage is back. Was there ever a time it was out? Was there ever a time a guy would see a woman with a lot of cleavage and go, "Look at those boobs, those are so 90s...." According to a recent study by the University of Chicago, 50% of single women said that they’ve had sex during their lunch hour. And, depending on the guy, a lot of them still had plenty of time to eat lunch…. 42% of women who workout say they get sexually turned on during exercise. And the other 58% want to know what machine they’re using. A German psychologist said in the paper that women can tell how good a man is in bed by watching him eat dinner. If he eats fast and takes large bites, he’s probably very boring. If he picks at his food like a bird, he’s very passionate. And if he eats in his underwear over the sink while watching TV, he’s probably your husband. According to a new study, women use their entire brain when they’re listening, whereas men only use half their brain. You know why that is? When a man is listening to a woman, the other half of the male brain is busy picturing what she looks like naked. According to the same study, they say the average number of times it takes for a man to have sex with the same woman before he gets bored is 1,000 times. But they said for a woman, it’s 5,000 times before she gets bored. Let me tell you something: if you’re both counting, you’re already bored. There is a sperm shortage in Canada. They're looking for help from the U.S. They want American men to go up there to donate sperm, which could get kind of awkward when you get through Customs. When they ask you if you're here for business or pleasure - both! The Huskies are in town. They went to the Playboy Mansion and Magic Mountain. Either way, they got a good ride. |
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