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According to this month's issue of "Men's Health" magazine, after 4 drinks the average man is unable to perform sexually. Guys, the next time you're at the bar, you shouldn't be trying to get the women drunk, get all the other guys drunk.... From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A New York doctor has developed a Viagra-type lotion for women that he says can help women get sexually aroused. It costs $75 and women rub it on for 20 minutes before having sex. If you're rubbing it on for 20 minutes, do you need the lotion -- or a partner? The new reality show, "Temptation Island" premiered this week on Fox. You take 4 committed couples in love and bring in single people to try to break them up. I taped this show and my VCR got gonorrhea. Why would people do this? Guys go on an island full of beautiful women trying to seduce them while their girlfriend is watching? "Temptation Island"? Try "Castration Island." From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A new law in Jackson, Mississippi requires strippers to get a license. If you want to be a stripper in Mississippi now, you have to get a license - which, should make standing in line at the DMV a little more interesting.... According to a survey of over 100,000 people, 3 out of 4 women think that kissing is a lot more intimate than sex, which is great for men. This way, at the end of the night, you can say to a woman, "You know, I don't know you well enough to kiss you, but how about a quickie?" According to a research study, it takes the average man 2 minutes to have sex, and within 7 minutes he's usually asleep, which can be pretty dangerous because by that time most guys are already on the road driving home. Doctors in England amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient. The guy's body rejected his hand. I had that problem in high school - my girlfriend's body constantly rejecting my hand.... According to a new survey, 1 out of 3 men would not go to a doctor if they had chest pains. With women, it's different. When women have chest pains, 2 out of 3 men pretend to be doctors.... The March issue of "Cosmopolitan" magazine has an article entitled "5 Things You Should Never Tell a Man." Do you know what the #1 thing is? That you are also a man. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The state of Utah has hired a new porn czar. This is someone who's job it is to look at all the pornography that comes into Utah and decides if it's obscene or not. The new porn czar is a 40 year-old woman who is also a virgin. If she's in L.A., she'll be in a museum. According to a study by the Kinsey Institute, gay men have bigger sex organs than straight men. In fact, that's where the concept of gay pride came from. According to a new study by the American Urological Association, men whose pants are a size 42 waist or over are 1.5 times more likely to have problems getting aroused. In fact, when they see a naked woman covered in cream, they're more interested in the whip cream. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Surgeons in the former Soviet state of Georgia have become the first doctors in the world to replace a man's penis with one of his fingers. Here's the impressive part: the guy can now pull down his zipper from the inside. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Canadian sperm banks are running out of supply and now importing sperm from America. You know the problem up there in Canada - not enough Yanks.... According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37% of the men said they would never want to get into an argument with those men.... From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A new study says that the average male burns 61 calories during 30 minutes of foreplay. I think most women would agree: if he's having 30 minutes of foreplay, he's not the average guy. "Gear" magazine reporting this woman in Taiwan had to have her cell phone surgically removed from her rear end after some bizarre sex game she was playing went wrong. Talk about a booty call.... From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to "Men's Health" magazine, the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. That's something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car. The Discovery Channel had a fascinating show on the mating habits of hyenas. They said often times the male hyena will get angry at the female hyena while they are having sex. It doesn't help that the female hyena is laughing at you all the time. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Rodney Dangerfield, from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: According to a recent study, 5% of people on anti-depressants say they have an orgasm when they sneeze. So, why are they depressed? According to a survey in this month's "Glamour" magazine, 61% of men say they will call a women after having sex on the first date. In defense of the remaining 39%, they said they would call the woman if they could just remember her name.... From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Here's an odd story in the L.A. Times: an Indiana man was arrested on suspicion of having sex with a chicken in a hotel room. Apparently, guest in an adjacent room became suspicious when they heard the guy yelling, "Who's your Colonel?" From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Doctors at the American Neurology Association now talking about a new alternative to Viagra. they say it's a rub-on gel that will help men get aroused. Wouldn't any rub-on gel pretty much do that? From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a recent study in "Bride" magazine, women who are engaged say they have sex on the average of 2.9 times a week. And they say that .9 is really frustrating.... According to a survey by marriage experts in Minnesota, 87% of married women said they'd like to have more sex. And it's usually right after the guy is finished.... According to a survey by the folks at Capitol One Financial Services, 30% of women prefer men with a large wallet; 12% said they prefer a man with a large sex organ. So guys, just carry your wallet in your front pocket.... Comedian Arj Barker from his appearance on THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO: According to a new survey, 78% of women in L.A. say they are satisfied with their breasts. The other 22% have real breasts.... Researchers at the Swedish Board of Fisheries have found that female fish can fake orgasms just like human beings. And just like humans, the male fish don't care. According to a new survey, the number 1 thing women look for in a man - honesty. And, women also think the number 1 way to attract an honest man - fake breasts. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new study called the Boston Couples Study, men who waited to have sex in college were happier in their 40s. You know when they were really happy? In college. A company in India now selling lipstick that has Viagra in the lipstick. That'll give you a stiff upper lip.... From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Over the weekend, L.A. adult film stars held a car wash to donate the money to New York City; raised $5,000. It was $25 for the hand wash, $50 for the blow dry. The L.A. adult film community - porn stars - held a car wash for the New York Disaster Relief fund. $20 to wash your car or for $100 they'll wash each other. Here's something else I don't understand about the terrorists: they tell their followers if they lay down their life for their cause, they'll go to heaven and be surrounded by virgins. That sound like heaven? Being surrounded by a bunch of women who don't know what they're doing? The FBI has been releasing information on how to spot a suspicious package. For example, if a suspicious man offers you a package to hold - you're in danger. But, if a suspicious man offers to hold your package - you're in Hollywood. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a study by the Indiana University School of Medicine, breast reduction surgery improves lung function. They found that large breasts can effect breathing - not for women, but for guys…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The International Olympic Committee has approved women's wrestling as a sport for the 2004 Olympics. The women will wrestle in 2 divisions: Jell-O and mud. A man in St. Louis, Missouri is trying to make October 27, "Global Orgasm Day." He said it can happen if we all pull together. According to a new study by the Home & Garden Cable network, a majority of women say they get more satisfaction from cleaning their house than they do from having sex. Well, sure, when a woman's cleaning house, at least she gets a chance to finish. In Maryland, a substitute high school teacher pleaded guilty to having sex with 4 male high school students. So it's true: substitutes are easier than the regular teachers. According to a new study of television shows by the University of Michigan, they said heavyset people on TV are less likely to be seen talking about sex or having sex than thinner people. Haven't they watched Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones? From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new study in "Glamour" magazine, women are twice as likely to fall asleep after sex than men. There's a reason for this: this is nature's way of allowing a man to sneak out.... "Cosmo" magazine reporting more and more women in Los Angeles are now waiting before having sex. In fact, some of them are holding off till the second audition…. An Australian woman has taken her dead husband's ashes and she had them put into her breast implants. I'm sure every man can agree - he's in a much better place now. "Cosmopolitan" magazine this month has more on their tips for women to spice up their sex life. They say if your guy is washing the dishes, you can sneak up behind him and unbutton his pants. Yeah, right. Like a woman is going to do anything to distract a guy doing the dishes. The cover story on the new issue of "Cosmopolitan" magazine is, "99 Hot Things You Can Do with a Guy," and then it says wait until you get to number 43, he'll be thanking God he's a guy. Let me give you a little tip: if you get to number 43 and he's still not hot, he's probably wishing you were a guy…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: New research says that a large number of transvestites are left-handed. So, if you see a guy using his left hand to unhook his bra, there's a good chance he's a transvestite. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: |
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