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From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: In Florida, strippers collected over a thousand toys for needy kids by flashing their breasts. They flash their breasts, and people would give them toys. You heard of "Toys for Tots"? Similar program…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Starting this year you will now be able to download pictures of Playboy centerfolds on your cell phone. Like driving behind a guy talking on a cell phone isn't bad enough now - at least have one hand on the wheel…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new survey, women say that intercourse that lasts 30 minutes or longer makes them happiness. 30 minutes or longer? Does that include dinner and the drive to her house, too? A study at the University of Vienna claims that large breasts are 24% less sensitive than smaller breasts. But see guys, here's the solution: just touch the large breasts 24% longer. The new issue of "Cosmo" has a cover story "The Secret Pleasure Trail Every Man has in His Body." Secret pleasure trail? I think for most guys it's a well-beaten path…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new report from the Commerce Department, half of all Americans use the Internet. The other half has sex with a live partner. According to a study by doctors in England, 1 out of every 580 men will die while having sex. That's why men rush to get through it, we're scared we're going to die. According to "Self" magazine, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. If your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body, either you need to workout more or shut-up. According to a new survey by the Youth Advisory Sex Service, 30% of young people believe it is okay for girls to lose her virginity before the age of 15. The other 70% do not live in Kentucky. According to a Danish study, women who drink anywhere from one to 14 drinks a week stand a better chance at getting pregnant. Well, duh. I could've told you that. 98% of men say their lover is their best friend - which is probably a big surprise to their wives…. A judge in Egypt has sentenced five men to three years in prison after they were caught engaging in gay sex. Three years in prison - that'll put an end to that activity…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to "Glamour" magazine, 58% of Americans said their sex lives got better when their finances improved. The other 42% said their finances got better when they stopped paying for sex. Heidi Fleiss said in an interview that the most money she ever made in one day was $97,000, and that's without even getting out of bed. A woman who is the vice-principal of a high school outside of San Diego has been suspended for lifting the skirts of girls going to the school dance to make sure they weren't wearing any thong underwear. Apparently, this was the last straw after last week when the principal poured water over the girls' shirts to see if they had a bra on. In Idaho last week, a man is facing 5 years in jail for attempting to ram his pick-up truck into a hair salon because he didn't like the haircut he got there. What till he sees the haircut he gets in prison…. A teacher from Antelope Valley High School has been put on leave after it was discovered that students in the photography class had all taken nude pictures of themselves. Call me old-fashioned, but I say save something for Prom night. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that L.A. officials can ban giant sex superstores, which operate a number of sex businesses under one roof. That's when you know you have problems, when you're buying inflatable dolls in bulk. According to the British Medical Journal, men can reduce their chances of having a fatal heart attack by 36% if the have at least a hundred orgasms a year. Finally, an exercise plan guys can get behind. According to the British Medical Journal, men can reduce their chances of having a fatal heart attack by 36% if the have at least a hundred orgasms a year. So guys, your life is pretty much in your hands. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: There's a new Viagra pill coming out in the market that lasts 36 hours. Don't take one of these Viagra pills before you get on Southwest Airlines, because they'll charge you for the seat in front of you. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Last week, the Major League Baseball all-star game ended in a tie. Men and women have different opinions about the all-star game; it's like sex. Men are going, "Look how long it lasted." Women go, "Yeah, but there's no finish." From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: There's a new café in New York City where guys go in and they can scan profiles of women who are already in the place, and if they find a woman that's interesting to them, for the price of a cover charge, the staff will arrange an introduction. Didn't that used to be called a whorehouse? From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Hooters has announced that they want to buy the bankrupt Vanguard airline and turn it into "Hooter-Air." They said in case of a water landing, your flight attendant can be used as a floatation device. Police in North Carolina arrested four men for watching a porno film in the car. They were watching a porno film on the video system of their Lincoln Navigator. I feel sorry for the cop who had to fingerprint these guys…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The city of Los Angeles now considering taking away the cars of men who solicit prostitutes. Is that going to work? If you don't have a car, the only women who'll talk to you in this town are prostitutes. The New England Cryogenic Center in Boston has been the first U.S. sperm bank to export bulk shipments of Americans donor sperm to other countries. Isn't that what we have sailors for? Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory. The "Playboy Radio Channel" made its debut last week. It's a radio station sponsored by "Playboy" magazine. This is for men who want to hear all the fascinating Playmate profiles without having to look at all the stupid pictures…. According to "People" magazine, there's a new trend among engaged couples called "re-virginization." What the couple does is they stop having sex until they're married so they can concentrate on other aspects of their relationship. i wonder which member of the couple came up with that idea. According to "W" magazine, the latest thing in women's underwear is called the "peek-a-boo" panty - it has a hole cut in the back to show off part of the woman's rear-end. Is this fair? When women have a hole in their panties, that's high fashion; guys get a hole in their underpants, they're pigs and slobs. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A Democratic congressman is introducing a bill - he wants to make it illegal for a congressman to have sex with an intern unless she's assigned to someone else. In other words, if she's under you, she can't be under you. The sex museum has just opened up in New York City. You get through the whole thing in 5 minutes if you're a guy; women take ½ an hour, if they get through it at all. Two supermarket employees got married in the deli section at the Foodline supermarket where they both work. I hope they didn't honeymoon at the supermarket - the last thing you want to hear is, "Clean up on aisle 3." Police in Los Angeles arrested a gynecologist for groping women on a bus. The women said they knew he was a real gynecologist too because his hands were really, really cold. At LAX last week, officials there caught a man on a flight from Thailand trying to smuggle in two pygmy monkeys in the crotch of his pants. That a good idea? Don't monkeys eat bananas? According to a poll, 76% of men said they would not get serious with a woman who had sex with them on a first date. Although, they said they would be extremely serious about getting a second date. Excited about the World Series? I have a warning for Angels' fans: if a San Francisco fan asks if he can hold your thunderstick, it's not what you think…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Last week in Dallas, TX, a teacher had her baby right in the classroom. They said the school nurse showed up and made al the students leave - except, of course, for the father…. According to a recent survey, 18% of golfers say they have had sex on the golf course. Which is pretty interesting when you realize Augusta doesn't allow women. CBS has decided to move the Victoria's Secret fashion show to 8 pm so it won't compete with ABC's finale of "The Bachelor." I guess CBS realized that women selling lingerie can't really compete with women selling themselves. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a survey in "Playboy" magazine, 42% of Americans say they have had sex on the job. The other 58% said they're in the wrong line of work. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: It was in this week in 1927, that Henry Ford unveiled his successor to his Model T, which he called the Model A. Ford was a marketing genius; he knew the secret to selling this to American men: T & A. According to the "LA Times," one of these weapons inspectors going to Iraq is a 53 year-old Virginia man who is the leader of an S&M sex club. I guess the UN figures if Iraq is going to punish any of these guys for finding weapons, they might as well send somebody over who really enjoys it. A police officer in New Zealand had to handcuff a sheep after it attacked him. He said it was the only way to keep the animal from attacking him - at least, that's the story he told them when they found him with a handcuffed sheep. A 47 year-old woman from Lonngview, TX was caught 17 sex toys in your Toyota Corolla when the police pulled her over. She'll be perfect for that Toyota commercial, "Oh, what a feeling." From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: |
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