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Researchers at Northwestern University are playing women $75 to watch porno movies to learn what arouses females. You know what really aroused them? Getting the $75.
- 01.06.03

Up in Marin County, dozens of women are continuing to stage events where they strip off their clothes and spell out the word, "Peace" completely naked in order to prevent war with Iraq. I feel sorry for the woman who always has to be the "A" in "Peace"….
- 1.21.03

A company says they have invented a vibrating tampon that can cure women's cramps. It actually doesn't cure your cramps, you just don't car about them anymore.
- 1.28.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The city of Paris has announced a campaign to attract more gay tourists to the city. The first step of the campaign is to roll two giant boulders to the base of the Eiffel Tower.
- 1.28.03

A Catholic priest in Las Vegas has pled guilty to lewdness involving five teenage boys. Here's the scary part; what qualifies as lewdness in Vegas?
- 1.31.03

The state of Nevada announced last week that they are going to start taxing prostitutes. You know what's going to happen? A lot of prostitutes are just going to start doing it under the table.
- 2.25.03

According to Rutger's University, psychologically men are attracted to women with short, narrow chins because that's a sign of high estrogen levels. That's why guys like women with big breasts - because it makes their chins look smaller.
- 2.28.03

According to a new study, both laughter and sex can release pain-killing endorphins which relieve stress - unless your partner is laughing at you during sex, then it's very stressful.
- 3.20.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Scientists announced that they are developing a pill that can prevent premature ejaculation. The scientists then apologized and said the announcement should have been announced next week.
- 3.20.03

According to "New Yorker" magazine, there's a new term for women who experimented with lesbianism in college, but then went back to men when they graduated. The word is "hasbiens." When I was in college, we had a word for women who slept with both men and women, they were called popular.
- 3.24.03

A judge in New Jersey has ruled that the names of two lesbians can be listed as parents on a birth certificate. Previously, the names of two lesbians could only be listed under turn-on's.
- 3.24.03

According to "Men's Health" magazine, 71% of men feel their dog understands them at some telepathic level. That's because men and dogs have the same interests: eat, sleep, play ball, and hump.
- 4.14.03

More and more details coming out about Saddam Hussein and his decadent lifestyle. Apparently everyone of his palaces contained a huge collection of pornography, or as he calls it, Weapons of Masturbation.
- 4.23.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
DC Comics announced that in a recent issue, Wonder Woman cut her hair and she is going to go for more of a punk look. She will then team up with Supergirl, but not to fight crime….
- 4.23.03

In Germany, paramedics rescued this 40 year-old man who got his manhood stuck in the vacuum cleaner. The man told authorities his relationship with his vacuum cleaner was purely sexual - he didn't want any attachments.
- 5.01.03

(more on that guy from Germany….)
In Germany, paramedics rescued a 40 year-old man who got his manhood stuck in a vacuum cleaner. This is what happens when guys try to help with the housework….
- 5.01.03

In Britain, a company has come out with a cell phone that can be used as a vibrator. Let me tell you, you don't want to know what happens when you press *69.
- 5.07.03

A man in Japan claims he's invented the masturbation diet: shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, then a sensible dinner.
- 5.08.03

According to a British survey, 50% of men can't tell if breasts are real or fake. The other 50% don't care.
- 5.15.03

According to the new "People" magazine, accused murderer Scot Petersen spending his jail time doing yoga. Is prison the best place to show people you can bend over backwards?
- 5.27.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Texas, for the second time in a month, a man was arrested for publicly masturbating. Not surprisingly, the man doesn't want a lawyer because he claims he can get himself off.
- 6.02.03

According to a study at the University of Valencia in Spain, attractive men produce the best quality sperm. That seems odd to me. I would think unattractive men would produce the best quality sperm because afterall, they do it by hand.
- 6.12.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that the producers of the Tony Awards received a lot of complaints after the two male songwriters of "Hairspray" kissed each other on stage. The producers were shocked by the complaints because they had no idea straight people watched the Tony's.
- 6.13.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that sex between two men is, in fact, legal.
…Not only that, the Supreme Court also ruled that sex between two women is very exciting.
…As a result, experts say this decision could add an hour to Zeigfried and Roy's show.
- 6.30.03

According to the "Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology," researchers have found that birth control pills give women's voices a more pleasant sound. Of course it does, men always think it's more pleasant to hear "yes," than "no."
- 7.14.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
The company that makes double mint gum has announced that it is coming out with a new Viagra chewing gum. The company claims this will be the first gum that really does double your pleasure.
- 7.14.03

It seems a Ukrainian man castrated himself after his bid to be elected mayor ended in humiliation; got less than a hundred votes. He asked for a recount and the doctor said, "They're both gone."
- 7.16.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
According to "USA Today," astrophysicist Stephen Hawkins recently visited a London strip club. While at the strip club, Hawkins was heard saying that the universe wasn't the only thing expanding.
- 7.17.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Austria, a man is reportedly in good spirits after becoming the world's first recipient of a tongue transplant. Apparently, his wife is in even better spirits.
- 7.31.03

A female lawyer in Seattle is in trouble for having sex in jail with her client who is a murderer. How creepy is that? Sex with a lawyer….
- 8.22.03

At the San Diego Zoo, the giant panda bear there is expecting twins; they had to use artificial insemination. You see, they had put a male panda in her cage, but after only having sex with her once, the male panda quickly lost interest. These pandas, they're almost human.
- 8.22.03

Anybody see this new gay dating game, "Boy Meets Boy"? This handsome guy is in this romantic, luxury surrounding with 15 other hunky guys and they go for long walks, hold hands, sit by the fire, and get in the hot tub, and cuddle. But the twist is some of the guys are secretly straight. Let me tell you something. If you're holding hands, making out by the fire, sitting the hot tub, and cuddling, you're secretly gay.
- 8.26.03

A judge in Cincinnati has declared a mistrial in an obscenity case after a male juror fell asleep while the porn movie in question was being shown on the monitor. The judge declared a mistrial because the judge said in an obscenity case it is crucial that all the evidence be viewed in its entirety. This is silly - no guy watches an entire porn film.
- 8.27.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
It's been reported that the stars of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," are mad at NBC because they're only paid $3,000 per episode. Today they said they wouldn't mind the low pay if they got a piece of the back end….
- 9.30.03

Doctors at Cedar Sinai report giving women a testosterone patch can increase their sexual drive by 81%. But, the side effects include acne and facial hair, which can reduce your chances of sexual activity by 100%.
- 10.03.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
McDonald's just announced that it is coming out with a line of Happy Meals for adults. A spokesman said they'd be just like the kids' Happy Meal except the free toy will vibrate.
- 10.03.03

According to the "Wall Street Journal," Hugh Hefner is going to be doing commercials for Carl's Jr. hamburgers. Carl's Jr.? Heff seems more like an In-N-Out kind of guy.
- 11.11.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
In Philadelphia, a man exposed himself to a group of Catholic High School girls who then chased him, knocked him down, and kicked and punched him. Afterwards, the man said he normally has to pay extra for that.
- 11.11.03

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
This week in California, four women sued a seafood restaurant because they found a condom in their clam chowder. Even worse, the waiter was still wearing it.
- 11.15.03

According to the book, “How to Succeed with Women,” the first sign a woman is great in bed is if she snorts when she laughs. The number one sign she’s not good in bed: she snorts when she eats.
- 12.03.03

Doctors reported a new condition called “Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome,” where women are in a constant state of sexual arousal. One woman said she had 200 orgasms in one day. They are now looking for a drug to cure it. Why?
- 12.03.03
 
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