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There is crazy weather all across the country – huge snowstorm back east. In fact, in New England, so many schools were closed, a lot of kids were forced to have phone sex with their teachers. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Some unusual laws went into effect January 2008. In Alaska, it’s illegal to give an alcoholic beverage to a moose. How lonely are the guys in Alaska? If you’re with a moose, wouldn’t you want to be the drunk one? From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: They found that men who use their cell phones frequently have lower sperm counts at the end of the day. So guys, if your cell phone is causing you to run out of sperm…take it off vibrate. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a survey in “Glamour” magazine, 47% of men say they masturbate weekly [sic]; the other 53% masturbate strongly…. According to “Glamour” magazine, in a recent poll, 7% of women admit they’ve fallen asleep during sex. I’m stunned; I can’t believe girls can fall asleep that quickly. A relationship expert says that crying during sex is a sign that you’re with your soul mate. Or, it could be a sign that you’re in prison with your cellmate. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The outdoor activity most likely to lead to sex is horseback riding. Assuming, of course, you get the horse drunk enough. This is one of those only-in-Los Angeles stories. This is probably the only place in the world where adult film stars can get health insurance and it covers all the usual work-related items: stress, depression, and of course, the most common: carpel pelvic syndrome. Prescription medications have been discovered in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans. Now they are saying there are traces of Viagra in the water supply. I guess that’s why you get hard water in some places…. Men lose brain tissue three times faster than women – unless they’re in the presence of cleavage, then they lose it ten times faster. A lot of women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of other women. They say women are too judgmental whereas men are just grateful. Some Los Angeles sex shops are now promoting environmentally-friendly sex toys – green sex toys. Don’t we have that already? It’s called a zucchini. Scientists say there are some women who can have orgasms just by having men stroke them on the neck, the shoulder, and the chest. I believe these women are called actresses. According to a new poll, 50% of Americans believe looking at pornography is not a sin. I believe that 50% is men. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new study, second-hand smoke can reduce erections. The good news: a second hand without the smoke can help you get it right back. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A study out of Australia says the more a man masturbates, the more he is protecting himself against prostate cancer. Let that be a lesson guys: when it comes to prostate cancer, you can beat it. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to the “Journal of Sexual Medicine,” 39% of women suffer from some form of sexual dysfunction; the other 61% just make their men suffer. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to “Variety” magazine’s Peter Bart, porn sales are down due to the recession. Studies show that porn is the first thing men cut back on after they lose their house, their car, and their job. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Last week in Sydney, Australia, doctors of sexual medicine from 10 different countries officially settled on the definition of the term “premature ejaculation.” They were going to release the study tomorrow, but they just couldn’t wait. In Tampa, FL, a 29 year-old female teacher has been arrested three times for sleeping with two male students and now suspected to have had sex with at least four other teenage boys. And each of the boys she slept with was an honors student. One was on her [honor] her in the morning; one was on her [honor] in the afternoon…. According to “Maxim” magazine, the average man burns 125 calories having sex for one hour. Let me tell you something: if you’re having sex for one hour, you are not the average man…. In Russia, in the subways there, apparently there’s a woman who strips down to her underwear and does pole dancing while asking for money. It’s causing a lot of problems – a lot of guys are getting off way before their stop. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Police in Wisconsin say a woman has been arrested for drunk driving, and this woman offered a police officer a bribe of sex plus $10,000. How bad is the sex when you have to offer $10 grand? According to a new report, after people started getting their government stimulus checks in the mail, internet porn sites had a 30% increase. You know what that means? People used their stimulus package to stimulate their package. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Police in Kentucky have arrested a man they say paid a prostitute for sex using a $100 gas card. They guy said either that or self-service. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: In South Beach, FL, a woman was arrested for running a brothel on a bus. The bus would drive around and offer lap dances, drinks, and sex to senior citizens. I believe it was called Squeals on Wheels. According to “Cosmopolitan” magazine, 2% of women say they can have an orgasm just thinking about sex. I believe these women are called actresses. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: The “Today Show” did a segment called “Guy Land,” where they looked into why more and more men are opting for a life without responsibility; why so many guys are living life with no-commitment sex, drinking, and video games. I don’t know…maybe because it involves no-commitment sex, drinking, and video games. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: More and more condoms sold in America are made in China. Talk about putting lead in your pencil…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new study, women actually get turned on by the sound of a Maserati engine. The sound of a Kia makes them lesbians. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a new study, social networking sites on the internet like MySpace and Facebook are now more popular than porn; over the past 10 years, there’s been a 50% drop in the number of people searching for porn on the internet. Well, of course the number dropped: that’s because they’re not searching anymore – they know exactly where to go. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: A restaurant in Switzerland has announced they are going to start serving meals cooked with human breast milk. Here’s the best part: it’s self-serve…. A homeowner in Walker County, GA has gone to the police to report that someone broke into his home and stole $1.900 of his sex toys. Police cautioned the thief is armed and vibrating. Authorities say a man in Ft. Myers, FL, shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him, which is pretty stupid. Let me tell you something – if your girlfriend is going to refuse to have sex with you, you’re going to need that arm…. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: In environmental news, the newest trend in wedding rings is to make them out of wood. A company called Simply Wooden Rings is now making wooden wedding rings out of a salvaged lumber. Let me tell you something, if you give your girlfriend a wooden ring, that’s the only wood you’re going to get. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Researchers say they have found a way for women to have an orgasm in 3 minutes. And today, men said get it down to a minute and a half and we do it together. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: In a recent issue of Cosmopolitan, the cover story was “Your Orgasm Face; What He’s Thinking When He Sees It.” You know what he’s thinking? These binoculars are fantastic! From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Do you know what you call a Springer spaniel on Viagra? A pointer. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: According to a survey in Women’s Health magazine, 65% of women consider themselves tech-savvy. That number jumps to 99% if you include vibrators. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Zoologists in Australia have discovered a group of koala bears that are lesbians. Zoologists discovered the lesbian koala bears when they were wondering what a group of male koala bears were staring at. From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: |
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